Bruce Sallan: As I'm recently remarried, teaching my boys to remember, recognize, and appreciate their new step-mom is easy. She does so much for all of us, though I'm still the primary parent. Just her cooking and pies, alone, are heaven to us after living on Spam and cold pizza all these years. We'll make her a special meal, get her flowers, make or buy cards, the usual drill.
But, it's dealing with my ex that has been and continues to be the dilemma. However, I now feel that time has given us the answer. When we were first separated, then divorced, even though she saw little of the boys, I felt it appropriate that the boys remember her on Mother's Day (and her birthday), so I took them to the store and we bought or they made cards and sent them to her.
Now, as she's virtually disappeared from their lives, I no longer feel it my duty or obligation to remind them or guide them further in remembering their biological mother. A man I respect greatly has often talked about biological parents, specifically dads, as sperm donors. His notion of parenting has nothing to do with who made the child, but who actually raises them.
My boys are now old enough to recognize that their biological mother has abandoned any participation in their lives, while recognizing their new step-mom has come in, with no experience, biology, or history whatsoever, and given them the love they always deserved. But, who knows really what the right thing to do is, after all, I'm just a guy. Happy Mother's Day to all.
|Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A DAD'S POINT-OF-VIEW, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Join Bruce's A DAD'S POINT-OF-VIEW fan page at Facebook. To contact Bruce, visit his new website brucesallan.com.|