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Kate and Eight Minus Jon?

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Dr. Janet: The ongoing drama around the conflicted marriage of Kate and Jon Gosselin hits home for me.

kate gosselin plus eight minus jon
I too have multiples (twins) and two other children. Although mine are older, thankfully, the labor-intensive effort of meeting the constant needs of multiple children is still etched in my mind. I was exhausted at the end of every evening and would guard whatever few precious moments of "me time" I had, as if they were as valuable as the gold in Fort Knox. My husband was frankly not very helpful during those early years, and I have to take some responsibility for not demanding more child-rearing involvement from him. In his mind, he was contributing financially, which was a reality; however, looking back, he was not as emotionally anticipatory as he could have been. But you know what -- we survived. I cannot imagine having the constant presence of television cameras on our family during those days. Our lives would have mirrored the resentment and tension along with smiles we observe while viewing Jon & Kate as they raise their brood.

As a mother, successfully dividing attention between kids, a career, and a husband can be extremely difficult. I would challenge any woman who reports that she is able to keep everything in check 24-7. Without getting personal, Kate's personality traits (however one relates to her) should not be criticized. She should be given the benefit of the doubt that she is who she is and is doing her best with herself, family, and her husband.

Jon, on the other hand, needs to man up. He should stop whining about his young age and the impact of having so many children while still under the age of 30. It is what it is. The demands of raising children can wreak havoc on a relationship. However, the kids in and of themselves aren't the major factor. The impact of kids on a marriage related to multiples is a source of conflict. That conflict may be secondary to the economic, social, and personal challenges of raising a family. Resentment is bound to be present. Underlying anger and stress may be evident and par for the course, getting in the way of successfully resolving issues.

There have been times in my own marriage when I was unsure if we would survive. There are no easy answers to the ongoing challenges of raising a family while trying to have a meaningful relationship with your spouse. My own experience has made me understand the benefit of continuing to work on your own self-development and happiness within the relationship. Maybe Kate & Jon can work it out, or maybe they won't. Either way, I hope that they both will focus on their children during the process.


next: Mama Mia! Twins Have Two Different Dads
12 comments so far | Post a comment now
nicole May 19, 2009, 3:22 PM

Amen! Finally someone who can send the most import message here - let’s not judge! It’s just so easy to sit in our glass houses. I wish them the best and hope the whole family can come out of this stronger and closer.

NB May 19, 2009, 3:54 PM

ok….. if there are problems in the marriage then get off tv and the book tours ect ect stop taking all this free stuff ie free nannies so she does have help! and work on your marriage lets not judge but sorry your in the public eye if you don’t WANT TO BE JUDGED then GET OFF TV PERIOD!!!!

Brooke May 19, 2009, 3:58 PM

I agree with Nicole, Thank you for sharing your more understanding view of this family.

MImom May 19, 2009, 3:59 PM

We’re all being duped. Tactical brilliance. This is the new highly evolved “family” reality show. The PR, paps, tabloids, talk shows, even Aunt Jodi/Kevin, are all carefully orchestrated/scripted. Everyone is cashing in on the J&K8 brand. Step back, and OBJECTIVELY analyze any one of the recent pics. Take away the nefarious accusations and they all mean absolutely nothing. Shame on them for willingly tarnishing their own reputations to create “buzz”. The twins probably understand it’s called “working the system” (however depraved). If J/K really do still love each other the kids win and that’s all that matters. It does not change the fact, however that the kids need to be off the air. Their parents are not acting responsibly.

Theresa May 19, 2009, 6:23 PM

Finally a balanced and insightful perspective. Thank you! And all the best to Jon and Kate. To me, they have done an amazing job and I know they can make it through this, too. With how they are currently being presented, you can’t help but think there are people fully supporting and actively engaged in the tearing apart of their family. Now THAT is horrible.

Lisa Miller May 19, 2009, 7:35 PM


“Jon, on the other hand, needs to man up”. You’re right. He needs to stand up to that emasculating partner of his. Such a biased article - masquerading as a medical opinion?

As a strong woman I’ve never been attracted to weak men (although that seems to be what was attracted to me). I can see that Jon could use some improvement. But why the “only a harrassed mother” stamp of approval for Kate? Clearly she is a manipulative, self-centered, plotting, ANNOYING woman.



JH May 19, 2009, 7:37 PM

Isn’t there a new season coming up soon? I bet a lot of this hoopla is to drum up interest now that they are not as cute and interesting as they used to be…

sher May 19, 2009, 9:08 PM

Are you kidding me? You just disregarded all the facts staring the world in the face and made excuses for them. Please try another line of work!!!

MImom May 19, 2009, 9:14 PM

We’re all being duped. Tactical brilliance. This is the new highly evolved “family” reality show. The PR, paps, tabloids, talk shows, even Aunt Jodi/Kevin, are all carefully orchestrated/scripted. Everyone is cashing in on the J&K8 brand. Step back, and OBJECTIVELY analyze any one of the recent pics. Take away the nefarious accusations and they all mean absolutely nothing. Shame on them for willingly tarnishing their own reputations to create “buzz”. The twins probably understand it’s called “working the system” (however depraved). If J/K really do still love each other the kids win and that’s all that matters. It does not change the fact, however that the kids need to be off the air. Their parents are not acting responsibly.

eileen May 20, 2009, 9:14 AM

I have to agree with those who assess this article as another excuse for K’s horrible mothering of her innocent children. I cannot imagine parading my children in front of cameras for $$. The show needs to be canceled, period. It is also hard to imagine any children benefiting from this farce they call a reality show.

Free the Gosselin 8 May 20, 2009, 4:26 PM

Well, from my perspective Kate has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and should be ordered into a psych eval asap.

She has isolated her children from all extended family members and friends and will pursue fame and fortune at the price of the privacy of her children.

These children will never be able escape this charade of a family and will find it nearly impossible to form attachments later in life.

This family needs to put the brakes on this show right now.

I find it difficult to believe that you saw any of the episodes from 2008 or 2009. Sheer madness…

Ten Tees January 9, 2011, 11:08 AM

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