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Kids at Target: Drunk with Power

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Childless Bitch: There they were. Drunk children. No, not on Pom martinis or Pabst -- drunk with power. Supplied quicker than a flask by their official parental units.

Kids at target

Target. The best place ever, right? Where else can you score Mizrahi and mouthwash? So what could sully my bull's-eye afternoon of bliss?

First, I could hear them. In fact, the entire store could hear them. From the pharmacy on the opposite end of the building, then as I rounded cleaning supplies, and finally as I came upon them -- in women's shoes. How harmless would it be to check out some cute new summer flip-flops? I thought.

And there they were. Drunk children. No, not on Pom martinis or Pabst -- drunk with power. Supplied quicker than a flask by their official parental units.

Three children approximately 3-5 years old (hey, I was a camp counselor and teacher's aide -- I know my gromits) who turned this aisle into their own personal pack 'n' play.

I should not have to be the party to wait for you to notice me, as I am compelled by human decency to say "excuse me" through your children's imaginary fort in the middle of the women's shoe aisle while they are screaming at one another. Don't look at me, wondering why I am in your way. Oh, I'm sorry -- what was I thinking? I am an XX chromosome and have two feet. You're right, why in the hell would I be in the women's shoe section!?

Surprisingly, the three tots were accompanied by the all-hailed standard of two parents. The mother was clearly tuned out, browsing in boxes, and only after I walked behind her did she shout at her husband, "Handle it!!" Oh good, this should go well.

So Father of the Year proceeded to pick up a big, rubber, bouncy ball and throw it into the imaginary fort to be tossed around like a body surfer in the pit at a rock concert. Awesome.

OK, here's the real deal.

Don't tell me I can't comment on this behavior because I do not check the dependent box on my W2. Surprise -- I did not arrive 30 years old on this planet. I started as a kid, so that helps. I come from a family, so that helps. I had one parent, who clearly did the job of two better than these knuckleheads. Because if I so much as stepped away from my mom in line at the bank or began talking too loudly in the supermarket, I would fear for my life ... or rather, the ability to play Super Mario Brothers or stay up and watch the Disney movie of the week.

So sober up your kids, people! Rehab. It's not just for spoiled celebrities anymore. It's for your spoiled children. Take back your power!

Because everyone can agree on inside voices and forts ... in the backyard.

Rock on.


next: Kate Gosselin: "We Might Split Up"
36 comments so far | Post a comment now
Rachel May 13, 2009, 3:26 PM

I agree! I’m SHOCKED at how many parents let their kids run around! For god’s sake, PUT THEM IN A CART!!! Or better yet, do your job as a PARENT and quit raising a BRAT!!!!

Ady May 13, 2009, 3:35 PM

I definately agree with you on this one. I do not allow my daughter to behave this way at a store. But what it comes down to is the parents don’t want to parent their children. I’m not saying my daughter is perfectly behaved all the time, she has her moments. I came across a similar situation at my local Target. A little boy about 18 mos wanted to run around, his parent tried (I used that term loosely) to control him. Well they put him in the cart and of course he screamed so what did the parents do let him right back out where he proceeded to run around again. There were no consequences for this child’s actions. Then a bit later I saw this little boy running by himself hiding from daddy. Well daddy couldn’t find him, so luckily I followed the little boy and told his father where he was. I was so worried, anyone could have taken that little boy, but the parents just didn’t seem to care.

Marie May 13, 2009, 4:49 PM

I have no problem if my children start acting up in stores of just leaving my cart and getting out of there. I have only had to do it a few times and they now know I mean business!

Beth in SF May 13, 2009, 5:22 PM

Well, I am a mom, and it disgusts me too. I mean, get a freaking handle on your kids. My brothers and I would NEVER have acted like that when we were kids. And it’s not that our parents were overly strict or hit us or anything. You just have to…wait for it…BE A PARENT.

Jamie May 13, 2009, 5:23 PM

I agree to a point, though I must admit that mine can often be a handful at the store. But too many times kids are not allowed to be kids. Does that mean that my kids run wild ans without rules and respect for others? No. I also grew up to fear not respect my parents, so there is a difference. In that way I know that I can be a little too lenient with my kids, but I have recieved nothing but compliments from my children’s teachers.

ame i. May 13, 2009, 5:25 PM

Hey, I was once a kid, too!
I’m with Marie. I”ll walk right on out of that store. I’ve also been known to: Turn This Car Around And Go Back Home!
My Mama would have smacked my behind if I’d dared “pull a stunt like that”, as she called any misbehavior. I rarely pulled stunts, having grown up in the Smack Your Kids 70’s and all.
I have 2 daughters, and they would love to pull stunts in public,I’m sure. All I have to do is ask them if they need The Wall. Sounds worse than it is, but they consider it cruel and cruel and more cruel.
I put each in a dining room chair facing a wall. Head turns? More wall time for you. Slightest sigh? More wall time for you.
I consider it a serious disservice to not teach children how to behave in public and in general. What a harsh wake-up call it will be for them when they reach the older years. Teachers, boyfriends/girlfriends/college professors/employers are NOT going to find their antics and stunts the least bit cute.

MiddleWay May 13, 2009, 6:14 PM

I agree with your main point, but I think you have a little anger problem.

EaseUp May 13, 2009, 6:28 PM

I’m always amazed by how involved people become in judging others’ behavior. I must assume you have never in your life been rude or acted in a way that annoyed someone else. Good for you! Now, unless those kiddos were posing a danger to themselves or you, perhaps you could mind your own business and ease up just a little. The world could certainly do without so many uppity and judgmental people.

Angela May 13, 2009, 6:29 PM

As a mother of 4, I have to agree with this.

goodmother May 13, 2009, 7:29 PM

I agree. Too many parent’s, busy and high on the fact that this is their “break time” too, often turn a blind eye to this problem. They figure if the kids aren’t bothering them, they must be okay. Often times the children are fine by themselves because they are not used to getting what they want at home. But the bratty kids, I blame the parent’s! I don’t know what happened to good manners, keeping your hands to yourself, and using your “indoor” voice. It seems to me that the people that disagree with this article must be part of the problem in some way, I don’t know how any parent can defend any child’s disruptive and rude way’s. Remember! Just because you are in a store, does not mean it’s okay for your kids to run amok! Take it outside!

asdf May 13, 2009, 7:35 PM

You are obviously not a parent. I hope you never will be.

birdsfly May 14, 2009, 11:44 AM

I agree completely. I have a 4yo and a 3mo and the 4yo can have some definite brat moments. The three of us do not go to stores unless I can put him in a cart and her in a bjorn, just in case.

Candi May 18, 2009, 12:02 PM

I could not agree more! My husband and I went to the opening of our new Target store and there were so many kids screaming at their mothers for not buying them that special toy or movie that my husband (who always wanted to have his own children mind you) turned to me and asked if I thought a vasectomy would be too expensive! Ever since then he has agreed with me to wait closer to our 30’s to have kids! Hankering to start a family? Go to your nearest Target!

Green Is Good May 24, 2009, 12:39 PM

@Candi, ha ha ha!! I’m glad I have NO maternal instincts whatsoever. I prefer my pets.

Lynn July 7, 2009, 8:57 PM

Target is the best birth control. The “you are not a parent” comments always crack me up. What happened to the whole “it takes a village” or does that only apply when you want something from the childfree/childless? Guess what? This villager is telling you that your kid is out of control.

Leo238 July 8, 2009, 11:12 PM

So true. I always say Target is my birth control.

mommy<3 July 13, 2009, 4:01 PM

I usually don’t like you, but this I completely AGREE with!!!

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