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Mom Will Do Porn for $$$$

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I am so sick and tired of XXX companies offering misfits and idiots millions of dollars to do porn. What about the hard-working, dedicated, and loyal women like me? Please, please, please ... Show ME the money!

mom standing in the street carrying a baby

Radical Mommy: Just last week Miss California Carrie Prejean (if you don't know who she is, then please, please, please step away from the computer and go pick up a newspaper) was offered $1 million to do a porn movie. A million dollars for being a hate-spewing, hate-mongering, bigot -- must be nice!

Just a few months before that, practically certifiable Octomom Nadya Suleman was offered a million smackeronies to strip off and have sex for the cameras. A million dollars for being a stupid, selfish, fame-whore, leech, wackadoo -- must be nice!

Neither of those women (read: idiots) took the porn companies up on their offers, so I would like to raise my hand and say really loudly, "Please pick me!"

Now a lot of you might think I'm crazy for saying I would do a porn movie, but in this economy -- and with the uncertainty of the future -- you're damn straight I'd shake my (jiggly) grove thang for the camera.

As far as I am concerned, $1 million (after taxes) would change my life, and the lives of my son and husband, inexorably. Now I'm not a fool; I know that a million dollars won't get you very far these days -- especially living in California -- but it would give us some security and peace of mind.

If we wanted to, we would be able to pay off our house -- but that wouldn't leave us very much -- so what I would do is put the money (all of it) into the bank, or a bond, or whatever, and take the interest -- hopefully about $30-50,000 a year -- and send my son to private school and then college. After that, I would use the interest for whatever we might need that year.

Like I said, I know that we wouldn't be rich, but if something happened and we needed money, we wouldn't have to stress about it -- and I think that me having sex with a stranger is worth that peace of mind for my family.

Now, before you start calling me completely crazy -- I do have some rules. I would only make one movie; I would only have sex with one person; and I would not do anything that I consider humiliating. Also, I would only allow the movie to be sold for 5 years -- that way, when my son is about 10, the movie will be off the market (yes, yes, I know it would still be in people's homes, but I don't care about that).

As for what I would tell my son, all I have to say is, I wouldn't. At least not until he was much older. If he finds out, he finds out -- but I would not be ashamed of it. After all, sex is sex, and if you say you've NEVER had sex with someone you didn't know very well, then I know you are a liar, liar, pants on fire -- LIAR! And if by some remote chance you really didn't, then I KNOW that your husband has and you obviously have no problem with that since you married him, so you can't possibly have a problem with me doing it (literally and figuratively) for the family.

So basically, all you X-rated movie companies and producers out there -- I am throwing my granny panties into the ring. If you're looking for a middle-aged, debatably overweight, mother of one to get busy in your next movie -- then I'm your woman and I'll be waiting by the phone!!!

See Also:

Times Are Tough, Moms -- Get Naked!

Jon SHOULD Cheat on Kate

What If You Only Had One Month to Live?

Hey Son, It's OK to Be Gay!

Octuplets Mom SHOULD Do Porn!

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23 comments so far | Post a comment now
 September 11, 2009, 3:58 AM

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payday loans canada December 18, 2009, 12:19 PM

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duanculo February 18, 2011, 11:51 PM

man if i was your husband i would divorce you in a heartbeat. any wife of mine willing to degrade herself and have sex with another man is not worth a lifetime. seems like you do ANYTHING for money huh? anyone who puts money over anything else including values, morals and the sanctity of marriage doesn’t deserve the joys of having a family. honestly if i was your husband and i read this, i would be on the phone with my lawyer before finishing the article

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