twitter facebook stumble upon rss

Mother's Day Ended My Marriage

sign up for the momlogic newsletter Tweet This

When my husband decided to blow off Mother's Day, all hell broke loose.

upset wife and husband

Guest Blogger Cheryl: I love holidays and Mother's Day is no exception. I enjoy that one day where you are made to feel like a queen. The one day you are rewarded for all of your multitasking, effort, and dedication to being a mom. I usually get breakfast in bed, back rubs until I fall asleep, flowers, and help around the house. Mother's Day this year, however, will go down in history as my absolute worst.

I knew Mother's Day was off to a bad start when my husband informed me the night before that the holiday had nothing to do with him and it should be between me and the kids. Are you kidding me? Is this the way men really think and my husband just happened to voice it aloud?

In the morning, I was handed a cold cup of coffee by my husband. My card and gift were left downstairs. The card and gift had been bought hours earlier after my husband asked me, "So, what do you want anyway?" No thought, no advance planning, no special effort put forth at all. It was so disappointing.

What bothered me the most about the day was the fishing trip he took with the kids. I was expecting some help with projects, someone to pamper me, and kids around to make me feel like the most special mom in the world. Instead, I ended up at the gym burning off the upset while watching dads juggle their kids so their wives could go have some fun on Mother's Day.

Honestly, ruining a mom's Mother's Day is a really rotten thing to do because it is the one holiday that honors the sacredness of what we do day in and day out. It isn't easy being a mom. Do we make it look so easy that some men feel it requires no celebration at all some years?

My mother tells me to never let someone else ruin my day. She is right, trust me. But it doesn't take away the feeling of being emotionally robbed on the most precious holiday in the world to mothers. I chose to sleep on the couch that night. My husband chose to move out. Mother's Day essentially marked the end of our marriage.

Many people have asked me how I will handle Father's Day with my husband out of the house. Some offered horrible suggestions to make it as miserable on him as possible. Gotta love those girlfriends! But, because I am an exceptional mom, it will be a nice Father's Day for him because I will be sure my children know what true kindness is. I will have the kids make him the best homemade cards ever and bake and package up his favorite cookies in a nice box the kids can decorate with thought, love, and care.

I will do this because there is no room for anger, spite, or ill will when you raise children. Children model our behavior as they watch us handle conflict. I want my children to know they have a strong, loving, and kind mother now, yesterday, and every day, no matter what cards she is dealt. If my children can learn that lesson from this, then the crappiest Mother's Day in the world was well worth the pain.

next: Read Me Like a Book
74 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous May 29, 2009, 2:33 PM

You sound like a spoiled brat. Get over yourself.

Anonymous May 29, 2009, 2:48 PM

I don’t think she sounds like a spoiled brat…I think most mom’s expecting a happy and fun day with their husband and children for Mother Days. It sounds to me that her husband was just looking for a reason to leave.

michelle May 29, 2009, 3:09 PM

so one day and your husband moves out? i want mothers day to be a great and special day but its just a DAY. you make it whatever it is, but it doesn’t change the fact that you are loved and a mother all the other days of the year. its just a DAY on a calendar. i agree with the first person, get over yourself. I would have taken the time alone (the fishing trip) to do something for myself - a little pampering, a nap, a soak in the tub, some chick flick - anything. i admit your husband was a bit callous with how he reacted, but maybe if you had talked about the day instead of just having these expectations you wouldn’t have been burned and your marriage wouldn’t be over. However, i have a HARD time believe your marriage was over just because of this one day. You must have had bigger problems for this to be the last straw. Just seems a little bit much to me.

Just Sayin' May 29, 2009, 3:14 PM

Are you kidding me? This is so dumb, no wonder he left.
If Mother’s Day means gifts and self-worship and ‘me-me-me’ then your priorities are mixed up.

Your husband got you a present and a card AND he tooks the kids out so you could have some alone time. I think that’s pretty neat right there.

Next time TELL him you expect him to build a church and an altar and sacrifice small animals in your name in order to worship your wonderfulness and then he’ll have a better idea of what to expect….because that’s SO much more important than a whole and healthy family.

Anonymous May 29, 2009, 3:17 PM

Nah, she’s not spoiled. look at the last bit of this entry—there’s no room for spite or hate raising children.

As a product of a divorced family, THANK YOU! My parents still hate each other, and even at 20 I still feel like it’s my fault (even though I know better logically).

Besides, she said what she usually gets. Why would her husband decide that suddenly he’s not going to do anything for her, when he’s done so much before?

I agree with poster #2..sounds like he wanted a reason to leave.

Pamela May 29, 2009, 3:17 PM

A marriage should not end because you had a crappy Mother’s day. did you have problems before the said date. Although I agree that you should have been pampered, you could have spent the day at the spa!

Anonymous May 29, 2009, 3:20 PM

Wow, I didn’t even get a cold cup of coffee let alone a card for Mother’s Day. I’m not bitter.

Anon May 29, 2009, 3:21 PM

A month after my child’s third birthday, I got a Mother’s Day card with her scribbles to “sign” it, and got to take a nap. If his sounds underwhelming to you, wait, it gets better: My then-husband and our daughter got into an argument over her naptime, and he spanked her so hard that he bruised her bottom. When I woke up, he blamed ME for being lazy enough to sleep and said any good mother would’ve heard her crying and would’ve woken up and known something was wrong. We split up that day too. I’m sorry hon, but I wish I’d had a husband like yours.

chris May 29, 2009, 4:06 PM

I don’t expect much for Mothers Day because it really is meant for kids (not our spouse) to show they love and appreciate us. I told my husband years ago that I never what a store bought card because I prefer the ones my kids make themselves. They usually do make me breakfast (not in bed because I usually wake before anyone else)and I enjoy that. I think you and your husband most of had some serious issues before Mother Day and he was ready to go anyhow. Too bad.

jenna May 29, 2009, 4:56 PM

wow. you people are mean. I am so sorry.

Annette May 29, 2009, 5:27 PM

Wow. you are ALL bumming me out. My hubby never does anything for me for holidays or birthdays and I still love and appreciate everything he does do, which is a lot. We agreed a long time ago that Hallmark Holidays aren’t important, and while I would love to receive gifts and pampering, I know it’s not really his strong point, but I still have everything I want and need. I’m so grateful I have a good hubby and happy marriage. Presents are nice, but so are realistic expectations.

Christina May 29, 2009, 6:29 PM

I believe that more than likely, the marriage was over, and this day just finalized it.

At least he got you something; my husband didn’t even get me a card. And our marriage is fine.

Jill May 29, 2009, 7:02 PM

Oh gosh, he took the kids out, giving you free time. Most of us would love that, if you wanted something, well, the time you had on your own was the time to do it. Most men don’t care about Mother’s Day and don’t care for self centered spoiled brats that they married. It seems to that your marriage was on the rocks before this happened and since he didn’t live up to our high expectations on this Hallmark holiday you decided he’s not worth it. Yes, Mother’s Day is a day all moms should be “Thanked” for all the hard we do, but, it is also a day for us moms to be Thankful we’re moms in the first place. So in ten years from now think of all that pressure that you put on your kids, think about how they are going to feel each time Mother’s Day comes around.

jennifer May 29, 2009, 7:14 PM

obviously, this was the straw that broke the camels back, not an isolated incident.
good riddance!

tom May 29, 2009, 8:44 PM

My mom was mad at me for not doing anything for my wife for mother’s day. I did the same thing though. I took my kid out of the house all Saturday.

I think women who are stuck in the “dream world” need to tell their husbands what they’re expecting or they’re going to end up disappointed and divorced.

j May 29, 2009, 9:33 PM

I commend you on your attitude towards Father’s Day, you are absolutely right! Teaching your children to be kind and loving people is a wonderful thing!

Jessi May 29, 2009, 9:44 PM

Wow… clearly no one caught onto the fact that there was trouble in paradise before this day. I am sorry you had to go through that. Mother’s Day is a special day for moms… it really is a day when the family can show their appreciation. And it doesn’t ever need to be with monetary gifts. Homemade cards, making breakfast, doing a chore around the house… these are all things that moms would love.

Megan May 29, 2009, 10:55 PM

WHOA!!! I think most people missed the meaning of the article. Anyway, I think it’s great the attitude your taking. My ex gave me no card no gift didn’t even say happy mothers day and I still plan to have the kids make him a card too. But I like your idea of making the cookies. I think I will do that too.

RachelAZ May 30, 2009, 12:04 AM

That really sucks, I would be upset too! To some people, the holiday doesn’t matter (obviously by some of the comments) but to some others it matters a lot! I happen to also fall into that category. You have a good head on your shoulders to be able to give him a nice Father’s Day though, I don’t think I could do it! You have every right to be upset!

Anonymous June 1, 2009, 11:29 AM

I wanted my husband to take my kid out and leave me alone. I just got to go to HIS mom’s house. Forget about my own mother. I now call mother’s day GRANDmother’s day.

Back to top >>