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My Daughter Hates Her Curly Hair

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Yesterday, Tyra asked little girls what they think about their hair ... and the vast majority said they hate it. I can totally relate. My daughter feels the same way.

Momlogic's Julie
: Yesterday when I was watching "Tyra," I was in tears.

Little girls, as young as 4 or 5, were talking about how much they loathe their curly hair. It's heartbreaking to witness how many little girls start hating themselves at such a very young age. Some moms even confessed that they chemically straighten their young daughters' hair.

play video tyra show girls hate their hair

My daughter is 5. She has long curly hair. People always stop us to tell us how beautiful it is. But she hates it.

She begs me to let her get her hair straightened. She loves her hair best fresh out of a bath, before the curls spring up and corkscrew around her face. She'll brush it for at least fifteen minutes in front of the mirror. But when it begins to dry and curl up, she throws the brush down in disgust.

I have curly hair as well, and I used to get it blown out frequently. Even though I would still LIKE to get it blown out now and then, I don't -- because I don't want to send the message to my daughter that curly hair isn't good enough.

Does your daughter like her hair? If she doesn't, how do you deal?

next: Thanks, Mom
15 comments so far | Post a comment now
Cheyan May 13, 2009, 6:09 PM

I used to HATE my curly hair when I was younger.I learned to love my curly hair and wouldn’t change it for anything.I’m glad my mom never gave in when I begged to have my hair chemically straightened.

Yolonda  May 13, 2009, 6:20 PM

I am 20 years old and until I was 18 years old my mother straightened-pressed my hair. I always just wanted to be “normal” like all of the other caucasian girls. No matter how well it was straightned it never did like the other girls’ hair and like your daughter would brush it with disgust. When I was eighteen I got a relaxer and after a year hated it. I missed the health and strength of my natural hair and because of years of straightening it and the relaxer its texture was basically frizz. I did go back to natural hair this November and have loved and respected it ever since. I think that in todays society it is hard for kids to not want to be like the majority of society. No matter what you decide to do I think that she will have to be strong enough to be independent and be different than others. I think that curly and natural hair is beautiful but that is something that is personal and took time for me to realize. I don’t know how my mother dealt with my attitude but I thank her for not chemically straightnening my hair.

Beth May 13, 2009, 7:24 PM

I totally understand your daughter’s feelings. I hated my curly hair when I was a kid. I’m now a militant defender of the curl. My son definitely has curly hair, but he wants to wear a buzz cut like his daddy. Can’t argue with that. Hard to tell with my six month old daughter, but I’m praying for it to be curly and not wavy. It can’t be straight unless there is some sort of genetic error, but wavy always struck me as a far worse position.

One good thing now are the women who wear their curls with pride. I don’t brush mine; I don’t straighten mine; and I will spend a small fortune on product to support my curls and promise to do the same for my daughter should she have the curls.

SLB May 13, 2009, 7:38 PM

Abbi, who are you? Do you even have kids? Just wondering.

Watty May 13, 2009, 7:59 PM

Daughter asked me to wear her hair straight…she just turned 5. I flat ironed it and she loves it

I have curly hair, I wear it curly. I think she likes straight hair because not only is it easier to brush, but it looks like her best friends. She asked if I’d make it straight all the time. I said no.

We’ve actually just started the curly girl method on her hair. Hoping it helps with the frizz. (google Curly Girl Method)

KateCake May 13, 2009, 8:36 PM

My daughter is 2 and has the most amazing head of curly hair. I have already decided that she is not allowed to permanently straighten her hair while she lives in my house! I hope she always recognizes how beautiful and special curly hair is (coming from me especially, since my hair is bone straight!) I will do everything I can to help her respect who she is.

Miranda May 13, 2009, 9:53 PM

Apparently, when I was 3 I wanted to dye my red hair black to look like the other girls in my Pre-K class. So glad mom never let me do that.
I always feel bad for little girls who hate their natural hair, because usually it is a reflection of the mother’s feelings towards beauty. For example, my mother NEVER let me dye my hair. Whenever I asked, she would just shut down. Years later, I found out that her blonde Shirley Temple locks had become dark brown and straight overnight (not really a problem in the late ’60s), and her mother “surprised” her with a set of hair rollers and a bottle of peroxide because people were saying she “lost her beauty”.

natasha May 14, 2009, 12:50 AM
great products and resources to love your curls. Fun kid products too!

Ju May 14, 2009, 7:02 AM

My daughter has that soft fluffy curly hair I wish I had as a little girl instead of the tighter curls my mom had to fight with every morning (I blame Daddy). Her hair has amber highlights(natural, came from her daddy’s side) and people just love her curls. I had an accident with a home relaxer and had my near mid-back length of hair whittled down to about an inch. Yeah, I burned it that bad. Everyone loves the new do and I’m letting my curls come back. I think as long as no one else makes a fuss, the children don’t tend to make a fuss. My daughter goes to a Korean daycare, I think she’s the only one with curly hair there and guess what? SHE DOESN’T CARE! She’s our little princess and knows it, I let her put her barrettes(sp?) and fix her hair, only doing the initial brushing to get any tangles out. Maybe I’m just lucky.

The Mad Mom May 14, 2009, 11:29 AM

I’m in the same situation with my son. I have always had majorly curly hair. Back in the dark ages, my mom would make me sit under a hot bonnet dryer in curlers to try and get some of the kink out - it was a nightmare! Thanks to the Japanese, I now straighten my hair three times a year and don’t have to do much.

My son has the cutest waves but he wants me to blow dry them straight. Just this morning, he said, “I hate my curly hair!” I was so sad. His isn’t even remotely as curly as mine, but in typical momma’s guilt, I couldn’t help but wonder if somehow this was my doing by not going natural myself.

Bad momma May 14, 2009, 2:12 PM

I am in the same situation my daughter is 9 with a wonderful head of curly hair…I have straight hair…I have told her that she can’t get her hair chemically straightened untill she is 18yrs old..I will flat iron her hair for her as blow drying doesn’t really straighten them.Any one with suggestions for hair products?

Mic May 14, 2009, 2:35 PM

1st of all, thank you ladies for the tip on the websites! My daughter has beautiful curly hair, mine is wavy/straight. She is bi-racial, & wants straight here so bad! And No, I am not going to “talk to my 5 yr old like an adult.” She is not one. It breaks my heart that she is not happy with it. I wish my hair was like hers! I think the main reason she wants it straight is b/c it is much easier to comb. Thank you ladies, I know my daughter is not the only one going thru this.

Hannah June 7, 2009, 1:18 AM

I have extremely curly hair and I use to absolutley hate it. I used to feel so different and incomplete and I used to beg my mom to let me get my hair permanently straightened and she used to say Hannah your hair is so pretty why would you want to ruin it. But, when I went into the eigth grade everyone always complemented how pretty my hair was and how lucky I was to have it and so now I truly adore my natural corkscrew curls. So, to all you girls who think your curly hair is digraceful you are completely wrong and you will eventually realize that.

cheapviagra1943 August 30, 2010, 7:19 AM
Claretta Ishizu November 15, 2010, 8:46 PM

Interesting…I am gunna have to look into this a little more

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