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"My First Priority is Being a Mom"

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Quit lying, celebrity moms!

mother with her kids

Briana Mordente Franklin: We've all heard a celebrity mom say during an interview (hello, Angelina!), "My first priority is being a mom" -- as they sit at their latest movie set. Why can't they just admit they like working and having something of their own, and enjoy the recognition they receive for their own achievements? Would that be so terrible? Because, let's face it, if your first priority is truly being a mom, you'd choose to stay at home with your kids full-time.

It seems all moms -- celebrity or not -- feel guilty about being working mothers or having lives of their own. You will never hear a mother say, "I live for me, not my kids ... After all, a happy mother makes for a happy child." That would sound selfish. What you do hear a mother say is, "My kids come first." But what they're really saying is, "I'm a good mom." For some reason, mothers think if they do put themselves first at times, they aren't. But perhaps we should be teaching our children that everyone's happiness is important. Because part of being a good mom is about being good to yourself, too.

Today's society is all about the children's happiness ... "What's best for the children," or "The children are our future ..." Yes, they are the future, and we want to make a good life for them and love them and care for them -- but not to the point where mothers forget they have a future, too. Society today seems to drive mothers crazy about their children and what they should be doing -- or not doing -- in order to be a good mother. It starts at pregnancy, with all the no-nos like no coffee or whether you should be coloring your hair or not, when our mothers did all those things and probably had a glass of wine or two because no one told them back then that they couldn't. I read somewhere that it's probably risky for a woman to even be alive while pregnant, because there are so many restrictions and worries they put on potential mothers these days that just about anything they do could be harmful to the fetus. Heck, walking down a flight of stairs could do you in! Of course, that was a tongue-in-cheek observation, but it makes a good point. Just how much of ourselves and our lives will we give up for "the children"?

Love your children unconditionally. Be there for your children. But don't make them your whole life -- for your own good, and, truly, for theirs too.

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9 comments so far | Post a comment now
Danielle Buffardi May 31, 2009, 11:28 AM

My opinion is that my child ALWAYS comes first. Before everyone and everything. That’s my style of mothering. I stay home with my son full time because I chose to. I blog about mothering…come check it out.

Dels May 31, 2009, 2:09 PM

“Because, let’s face it, if your first priority is truly being a mom, you’d choose to stay at home with your kids full-time.”

I disagree with this statement! As far as priorities go, for there to be a first priority, there must be a second. So it makes sense for someone who works or does other things outside of mommyhood to say their FIRST priority is being a mom. Choosing to stay home and be a “fulltime” mom as you call it is making mommyhood your ONLY priority (going by your use of the terms, that is)
I personally believe moms are fulltime moms whether they work or stay home because both are juggling the responsibilities of mommyhood with the delicate balance of life. Ive worked and stayed home and never once took my mom hat off, my kids came first on every day’s agenda!

Jen May 31, 2009, 4:15 PM

Your kid can still be a priority without you being around it 24/7. Hello, helicopter moms!

Formerly Gracie May 31, 2009, 7:11 PM

Umm, what about all of those moms who HAVE to work to support their families? Are they NOT good moms for choosing to put food on the table?

If you bring a person into this world, they better be your TOP priority, but let a mom define that anyway that she wants. I’d like to know what you’ll have to say about this topic once you actually becomes one yourself.

mommy<3 June 1, 2009, 11:45 AM

“Because, let’s face it, if your first priority is truly being a mom, you’d choose to stay at home with your kids full-time.” excuse me??? My first priority since I found out I was pregnant, was my son! And since I work, I guess that can’t be my first priority??? I work to support HIM so don’t try and say that he isnt my first priority because i don’t stay at home with him!!!

Angela  June 3, 2009, 3:20 PM

OMG!!! It’s pretty obvious she’s talking about moms who CHOOSE to work rather than stay at home with their kids. Um, that’s why she uses the word “choose” - for the lucky ones who actually have a choice. And reading the article further, it’s obvious she’s saying you can be a good mom WITHOUT making kids your first priority. I chose to work rather than stay at home with my two kids. They are NOT my first priority, but one of my priorities, along with my husband and career. If that makes me a bad mom, so be it - but my family is awfully happy!

Anonymous June 4, 2009, 4:23 PM

goodness everyone is so focused on her first sentance but read the rest of the article, there’s more to it !!!

Anonymous July 30, 2009, 3:19 PM

I’m a stay at home mom and I am a firm believer that you have to consider your own happiness when raising your family. You really don’t serve any purpose if you lay around and do nothing all day because you’re a depressed stay at home mommy. If you are miserable then everyone else is will be. The author made a good point that you shouldn’t feel guilty because you have to work, and you shouldn’t feel guilty because you can’t work. You have to make your situation work for you. If you find staying at home makes you unhappy go back to work and enjoy knowing that you are doing what’s best for your family.

Ten Tees January 9, 2011, 8:42 AM

Great site! Nice to read. I have got a point to give about funny t-shirts.

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