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PiscesTimes Are Tough -- It's Affecting My Womb!
Radical Mommy: I believe that the decision to have a child is mine, and mine alone -- not my husband's, not the government's -- mine. Why, then, am I letting the economy dictate whether I have another child?
To say I was shocked when I found out I was pregnant with my first child would be an understatement -- but once I recovered, my husband and I were over the moon.
That was nearly six years ago (my son is nearly five), and for the past year or so my husband and I have been "discussing" having another child. We both agree that we would love our son to have a sibling, and we know that he would love it too. So what's been holding us back? The economy and concerns about money, or the lack thereof.
Now I'm not bragging, but I am lucky enough to have a full-time job that I love. My darling husband, like many of the people in Los Angeles, works in the movie industry -- an industry that waxes and wanes depending on the economy and how much money people are spending at the box office and making movies that year. Hollywood, like the rest of the country, is experiencing tough times, big studios are laying people off left and right, and movies aren't being green-lit as quickly and as readily as they once were.
A couple of years ago, we could have lived with that and been OK having another child -- after all, there was plenty of work around and there were ways to find money if you needed it. But not now. People are being laid off and banks have zipped their once-deep pockets way up.
We own a home (not outright or anything -- don't be crazy!), but we pay it off monthly, we have cars, and we don't want for anything except perhaps me wanting some Balenciaga bags and Prada shoes. But now, because the economy is so bad, we are screwed. Why? Let me tell you.
If we had another child, we would have to move into a bigger house OR add on to the one we currently own. Because of the s*** economy (and by that I specifically mean the greedy bankers and idiotic homeowners), our house is not worth what it was when we bought it. So basically, we can't sell it and move into a bigger home because we would lose money, and we can't renovate because right now no job is guaranteed and we don't want to be in the middle of a renovation, be pregnant, and have money stop coming in -- that is downright terrifying.
Then there's the issue of who would look after the child if we have another baby. Although we don't need both of us working for our little family of three to get by, we do need both of us working to have a second child -- why, I'm not sure, but I just know that I need help. That means that we would have to hire a full-time nanny -- which will cost about $2,600 a month or more. Well, what happens when that nanny gets sick? Or goes on vacation? Or one of us is out of work and we have to cut her hours?
I know that in the past, people have had children without having grand means to pay for them. And, let's face it, we all see women out there who continue to pump out kids like puppies with absolutely no concern over where the next meal is coming from. But we're not like that, and maybe that's a detriment. We think and analyze everything, so much so that it's stopped us from extending our family.
In the end, I'm not sure if we're being selfish by not giving our son a sibling, or if we're doing the best thing for him by ensuring that we have enough money to take care of us, live a good life, and not throw us into debt, or him into debt, should we die with a lot of debt.
All I know is that I am sad that we have been put in this position and really wish we were able to have another child without worrying or second-guessing what we are doing.
Have you put off having another child because of concerns about money and the economy?
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- 16 Comments
Couldn’t agree more with Kristen! Kids don’t care what size house they live in. I shared a room until I went to college. I lived. You don’t work, but you can’t handle two kids without a nanny? Give me a break! What are you planning to do while your 5-yr-old is in school? The only thing I agree with is that you should NOT have another child.
I think holding off is a great idea. You already have one be happy with that child. It is really selfish to have a baby just because you want to give your child a sibling. The world is terribly overpopulated already. Every new person takes air, water,food, and other worldly resourses away from people already here. You should watch the shows on how much one individual consumes in a year. That will change your mind. Love the one you have.
If you’re not having another child, that’s your choice and yours alone. But really, lets not blame it on the economy, the weather, or any other asinine excuse. Let’s be honest. Just say, “I don’t want another child because I don’t want to sacrifice my current lifestyle. Or, I don’t want another child until I can provide for it every earthly possession I could ever want for it. Or I don’t want another child because it might mean I can’t play “keep up with the jones’” quite as well. Or even, I don’t want another child because other people will think I’m being selfish, think I’m stupid, think I am crazy, etc. As I’ve said before, not having a child because of something as fluid and continually changing as the economy is like saying you’re not having another baby because it’s winter and who knows how long there will be snow on the ground. Things change—they always change! If you really want another baby, have one. But don’t blame not having one on the economy. And, by the way, I respect your desires to not go into debt-really, I do. But you can have a baby and still not go into debt. People do it all the time.
I agree, B. I also think that if you want another child, do it soon. My brother and I were 6 1/2 years apart, and it was miserable. We never had anything in common, and until I began to reach adulthood and start to have some things in common with him, it was like being an only child. Do you really want that for your kid?
Miranda, I am 6 yrs apart from my younger sibling and there were no problems there. I guess situations are different, but you should never have another kid close in age with your current one just so they can have someone to play with- thats what friends are for.
I am only having one and all my only child friends are throwing fits about how miserable she will be, but it is my choice.
Me and my husband want to having another child. But the economy is what IS keeping us from having one. We have a 2 1/2 year old right now. I was working but was recently laid off. So we are living off my husbands income which we get by on but we could use at least a small part time second income. Bills are tight at best. We cut it close sometimes. So right now until we get other things underway we just can’t afford a child right now. Nothing wrong with analyzing your financial situation to see whether you can have a child or not. It’s better than how you said some women pop them out like bunnies and then don’t know where the next meal is coming from and then expect the government and taxpayers to help feed them. People need to take an active approach to reproduction. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.
Monica,
I think that you analyzing your situation and realizing that bringing another child into the world would not be a good option is really GREAT! But that is not what this article was about, this article was about a women not wanting to give up the option of a nanny or giving up any material items that they have and not being able to move into a bigger house, that is much DIFFERENT than being able to afford bills and thats why your holding off. I commend your decision, not this women’s because she is labeling it WRONG.
Since when has the economy ever stopped anyone from getting pregnant, especially greedy people like this lady? And since when has it ever stopped anyone from getting pregnant just because it’s a second child and they might not be able to afford it…if you’re able to consider a nanny or another house right now, clearly your not broke…so whatever.
I think it is really fortunate for some to decide something like having children by the way the economy performs. I wish I was that lucky. My reason is because I’m not healthy enough for another child right now. I don’t think I body could handle another pregnancy right now, nevertheless be a quality mother to my 1 year old at the same exact time. I have to wait at least 2-3 more years, and my clock is ticking because I’m already in my 30’s. She should count her blessings. Some of us just aren’t that fortunate.
Wow. A lot of anger here, being directed at someone for making an essentially RESPONSIBLE decision. Is it because all of you are financially stretched and angry that someone else is in more fortunate circumstances?
This reminds me a lot of when I was pregnant w/my first, and found out that my UNEMPLOYED (& not yet married to my equally UNEMPLOYED BIL) SIL was pregnant at the same time. Essentially homeless and on public assistance, she gave not ONE thought to whether or not it would be a good idea to get pregnant. I was angry - how stupid of me to have bought into the whole ‘Get married, make sure you’re financially secure & have health insurance’ thing when everyone was going to bend over backward to provide charity care to my SIL. That lasted about 15 min. THEN I thought about all of the advantages my kid was going to have that her’s wouldn’t - my ability to afford good childcare when I went back to work, good preschool later, a roof overhead that I wasn’t going to get evicted from ‘cause I couldn’t pay for it, being able to afford diapers & babyfood & fresh veggies & fruits…
So why wouldn’t I think long and hard about giving my daughter a sibling if giving her that sibling meant compromising any of the security I owed to her?
It’s not about being greedy or not wanting to give up a cushy lifestyle (my family’s lifestyle was hardly ‘cushy’ to begin with) - it’s about being able to give your kids the best of yourself, something that will NOT happen if you are always worried about where the next dollar is coming from or going to. There’s nothing wrong with a little material comfort & security - and there is nothing essentially ennobling about being poor.
I don’t know why people choose to have kids, I’d bother if I was some kind of endangered being, but as the planet is chock full of humanity (and the sole cause of all the environmental problems) I chose to have a dog instead. and she loves me, and that’s good enough.
That sucks, having a family and making it grow is part of the beauty of being a parent and a wife. It should be decided by the economy whether you should or shouldn’t get another baby. It just not good. Now we all have to buy Cheap Viagra because of this.
I’d must check with you here. Which isn’t something I often do! I enjoy reading a put up that may make folks think. Also, thanks for allowing me to remark!
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I think this article is ridiculous! The economy isn’t the reason why you can’t have another baby, the reason is YOU and your unwillingness to give up a few things. I highly doubt you need a bigger house and A NANNY, give me a freakin break.