Call me a freak, but I was actually looking forward to potty training.
Diane Mizota: While pregnant, I read about "elimination communication" in The Diaper-Free Baby and was determined to try it. It's essentially potty training your infant. Other countries have been doing it for ages. (I took a trip to China and wondered why the babies all wore crotchless pants and no diapers.) Cut to new mom rude awakening: sleep always wins out over holding baby over toilet waiting for poo. Always.
Fast-forward 18 months. Friends had told me about "windows" when a toddler is open to potty training. At 19 months, he's going potty before every bath. This is a window, right? My granola hippie heart swelled just thinking of the diapers I could save from landfills, and those polar bears at the North Pole who would benefit from our reduced carbon footprint. We began our journey.
A mom at art class rained on my idealistic parade. "You know, the earlier they start, the more likely they are to regress." Easy there, hater. My son's getting it. 100% poo poo on the potty. 90% pee pee. Take that. He's like a potty rock star.
This lasted all of three weeks.
A guttural scream. "NO LIIIKE POTTY!!!" Damn that art class mom. I coaxed. He wailed, "WANT DIIIAPER!" Really? After all the Elmo underwear, the cheering, the dancing, the one M&M for pee, two for poo, and carrying that damn folding potty everywhere, it goes down like this? What about the landfills and the polar bears?
Our parenting class teacher warned, "You can never wait too long to start potty training." Other mothers nodded smugly in agreement. "We waited until our son was over 3 and he got it in one day. No accidents. Ever." Gee, thanks. Thanks for telling me that NOW, now that I've been scrubbing toddler pee out of my carpet for weeks. Now you tell me?
My son is almost 2, happily reunited with his diapers and our fleeting potty window has shut and kicked us in the ass on the way out. Mommy's overzealous potty karma will probably have him in diapers until high school. Sorry, polar bears. Rookie mistake.
|Diane Mizota is an accomplished TV host, actor, writer and producer who began her career as a professional dancer. She is a first-time mom who currently lives in Los Angeles with her husband and toddler son.|