Paul Starke: Shortly after his first birthday, Luke has had a rough month. First, he had to endure a trip to my family's in Canada, which for reasons unknown, gave us all diarrhea. Then, he and I both got non-swine flu, back-to-back, which gave him some of the nastiest boogers I've ever seen, anywhere. They were like little green, wet worms going from his nose to his nipples (btw: am I the only one who thinks baby boogers are far more revolting than baby poo? discuss).
After he got over that, he was scheduled for his MMR vaccines. We weren't nervous about it, because he's responded to his other shots really well. But sure enough, a few days after he was injected, he just didn't seem himself. He was unusually fussy, wasn't eating or sleeping well, and just seemed sad. Although I tried to hide my concerns from my wife, I was in a panic. Certain message boards I was reading weren't helping either, and I'd become convinced that we'd willingly poisoned and altered our son forever.
After five days of fussiness, we went to his doctor. I'd feared the worst. That's when we got the greatest news we've heard in a while: HE HAD AN EAR INFECTION! THANK GOD ALMIGHTY, IT'S ONLY AN EAR INFECTION! As soon as we started giving him the goopy pink antibiotics, he started feeling, eating, and sleeping better, as did we all. He's got more diarrhea, of course, but it's the sweetest diarrhea you've ever smelled -- because it smells like good health and happiness. At least it's not boogers. As I'm reading this, I'm realizing how vile this all sounds. Hope you're not eating breakfast. Sorry ...
Now, with this behind us, we get to cap off the month with Luke having surgery on his undescended testicle! It's a routine procedure, apparently, but not routine enough to make me squirm and cup myself every time I think about it. Everyone says, "It'll be harder on you than it will be on him." Hmm -- I beg to differ. He's the one getting his scrotum cut open, not me. Methinks it will be slightly more unpleasant for him.
Anyway -- if any of you have any thoughts/concerns about the MMR, or undescended testicle surgery -- please share them with me. I'll need something to read when I'm up at night.
|Paul Starke is an Emmy-winning TV producer, and a co-writer of the #1 New York Times bestseller, "An Inconvenient Book."|