The Battle over the Toilet Seat

The Battle over the Toilet Seat

Sunday, May 31, 2009

filed under: family

Ladies, reclaim your seat on the throne!

Charles Orlando: Men think they are 100% straight shooters. Even if we want to believe that the majority of men have perfect aim (which is NOT true), it's clear that most haven't made the quantum leap necessary to understand the difference between a latrine -- which is, by definition, a toilet used only by men -- and a bathroom that's in one's home, to be used by everyone who lives in the house, as well as by any visitor.

Whether men agree with the following statement or not, nothing can change the reality of it: Leaving the toilet seat up is a clear statement of control and power. Somehow, men have designated themselves as "owner of the toilet seat," and have made its "normal" position open -- and up. And the problem doesn't stop with men, as this behavior shows children (from the time they are toilet-trained) that when a woman wants to use his toilet seat, she must first put the seat down, every single time she needs to use it.

Here's a scenario that has played out in millions of homes: It's 2:00 AM ... she's pregnant ... and groggily awakens to go to the bathroom, and doesn't turn the light on. Upon sitting, she's not groggy anymore! She just sat on a cold, wet (with his urine!) porcelain toilet base, and may have also wet her bottom with the water that's in the toilet. (Did he also forget to flush it?)

Although a relatively small issue, control struggles like these damage self-esteem, and it's women -- in their constant effort to improve/change/save the relationship -- who consistently take in the most emotional damage as they try to adjust and change themselves to become "acceptable." To change these conditions, women need to take back control (at least some of it), and by doing so, they can clearly demonstrate to men how to provide what they want and need. No mixed signals, no misinterpretations, and no wondering: just clear, respectful demands for what they need as women. Men need to be held 100% accountable for their actions (or inactions) by the women in their lives; women need to hold the line, and not allow men to behave like bratty children in their attempts to get away with controlling everything.

Charles Orlando is a life coach and the author of "The Problem with Women... is Men: The Evolution of a Man's Man to a Man of Higher Consciousness". When he's not cooking breakfast-in-bed for his wife, or playing Guitar Hero with his kids, he can be found blogging at theproblemwithwomenismen.com.

17 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

wow…what a leap. a man accidentally leaves the toilet sit up, therefore he is a bratty child? i am impressed that you are a male author who writes about female empowerment, however this article seemed a bit hyperbolic.or is it a comedic piece that i simply didn’t get?

- jennifer

Posted 05/31/09 09:28 AM

lol… you know the toilet seat being up is nothing, i find it funny that women and men alike get upset if one leaves the seat up or down.. hello people, look before you use..

- Kim

Posted 05/31/09 10:09 AM

women should be happy that men actually lift the toilet sit up :)

- Anonymous

Posted 05/31/09 11:39 AM

My hubby HATES the seat being up, even the lid must be closed every time. My sonny boy (12YO) still sits to pee. I guess it must be ME who’s in control around here, eh?

- HMM

Posted 05/31/09 04:29 PM

After many months of arguing over the toilet seat. I gave up. And then I realized why should I have to be the one that is selfish about the toilet seat. Because every time he goes to the bathroom he has to pick up the lid. So it’s 50/50 in my house. He always has to lift it up, i always have to put it down. We’re even.

- M.A.P

Posted 05/31/09 10:07 PM

My husband has NEVER left the seat up. Not when we were dating, and not now, 9 years and two girls later. In fact, my girls were confused the first time they saw someone leave the toilet seat up. Now, they chase down the guy and tell him to “get back in there and put the seat down.” My son, due in three weeks…yea, he’ll be taught to put the seat back down. And it will be his daddy who shows him how-not because I am more powerful or my husband has be told…but out of respect for the women in our house. Afterall, he may need to take a dump at 2am and I’m sure he doesn’t want to fall in either!

- krismj

Posted 06/01/09 10:01 AM

- krismj

Posted 06/01/09 10:03 AM

My dad left the toliet seat up once when I was like 3 and I went to sit on it. I fell in started screaming and crying my head off he came running. OMG you should have the seen the utter look of terror on his face that something was seriously wrong with his baby. From that day forth he never left the seat up. I still get a kick out of it when I remember it. So I always make sure its down if its up I put it down I don’t ask who did it. I just put it down call it trauma from past incidents but I don’t make a big deal out of it. What I do hate is waking up in the middle of the night to pee and finding the top down own the toliet. Good I hate peeing then relizing that the top is down what a mess to clean half asleep.

- kris

Posted 06/02/09 10:03 AM

I wish my husband would leave the toilet seat up! I can’t get him to put it up. I was contemplating putting a sign on it to tell him to lift it up. Its one thing to put the seat down another to have a non flushing, no aim having, toilet seat down peeing man. I refuse to have to use a clorox wipe every time I need to use the toilet because he’s too lazy to pull the seat up.

- Monica

Posted 06/03/09 03:10 AM

I have three boys (an a husband) and the seat is always up. I’m thrilled for krismj (whose kid isn’t even here yet!) and all the others who posted that their husbands and children (i.e.,the twelve-year-old who sits to pee) are so cooperative and considerate. Congratulations…

- L

Posted 06/04/09 07:46 PM

honestly? i started charging my DH $1 every time he left the toilet seat up. yeah, sounds bitchy, but it got the job done. there’s no reason for him to not close the toilet when he’s done, and i do the same. while he still on occation leaves the seat up, charging him reminded him that it’s gross to have to look at that constantly.

- natalie

Posted 06/30/09 11:24 AM

The seat stays up in our house, and always has. the men of the house were out numbered by females, and it still stayed up. Any woman who even dares to tell me to put it down, will have my urine all over the seat.

- Mike

Posted 09/08/09 03:00 AM

most arrogant statement ever. ive seen women do some pretty gross things. quit making it into a battle for power, especially over little things like the toilet seat. if your man cant remember to put the toilet seat down all the time (which is most likely what the problem is), then just put it down and use it! is it such a big deal that it takes a split second to drop the seat? ugh…humans.

- wtfs1ut

Posted 10/07/09 01:05 PM

Well, I’m with you on the pregnant woman scenario. I can imagine It’s a tough time in her life, and she needs to be pampered as much as possible… But honestly assuming she’s not pregnant the whole seat up/down story is pathetic. It doesn’t really matter whether the damn seat is up or down. To all the stupid men and women in the world who make such a big deal about it (I would like to assume the women started it… lol): ADJUST THE SEAT TO YOUR CONVENIENCE THEN USE THE DAMN TOILET PS. If you wish to return it to the original form you found it in, that is entirely up to you; and thank you for your time.

- Anonymous

Posted 10/07/09 01:10 PM

the toilet seat as a weapon of power??? really??? both men and women can’t just check first? My wife and I seem to have worked that one out without any issue, both of us default to putting not only the seat but also the lid down. gasp! But if either forgets, we’re still in the habit of checking first.

- anonymouse

Posted 10/07/09 01:17 PM

For me, you derail yourself right off the bat: “Leaving the toilet seat up is a clear statement of control and power.” I pity anyone in a relationship so dysfunctional they feel the need to analyze the toilet seat as a source of power conflict. I need the seat up, so I put it up. She needs the seat down, so she puts it down. I don’t see the conflict here. Wait, women actually try to blame men when they sit down without checking if the seat is down? Really? How is that anyone’s fault but the woman’s? Do I fall into the toilet in the middle of the night? No, because I check if the seat is down first. The anger in that case is just transference of the frustration of being forgetful onto someone who is a useful scapegoat. But really, it’s simple; I would never think about exerting control over an aspect of someone’s life so trivial as to be nigh-insignificant.

- Pearce

Posted 10/07/09 01:18 PM

Completely backwards. The correct position of a toilet seat when not in use is lid down… meaning both the seat AND the lid. Women invariably leave the top lid up for THEIR convenience, but this allows the dog to get a drink of blue water whenever they wish. How thoughtful. What about small children? We’re told they can drown in a small pail of water… yet women recklessly leave the toilet uncovered. What happened to those maternal, nurturing instincts? And why don’t women look before they sit down? Not just on toilets… but also on sofas? How many times have I had to pull a remote out of my wife’s butt? Look. That’s all I ask… And put the lid down… men AND women…not just the seat! *hypocrites*

- Michael N

Posted 10/07/09 01:36 PM