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The Five Things I Hate About Marriage

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Jennifer Ginsberg: Yes, I love my husband and family and wouldn't change a thing about our family unit. Now that I have made that obligatory statement, let me get to my point. There are certain issues that I have with the institution of marriage, which offers both wonderful benefits and incredible challenges, often in the same day. Here are the five things I hate about marriage.

Wife looking at sleeping husband

1) Bathroom sharing. Frankly, there is no man on the planet with whom I would willingly share a bathroom (except perhaps an out-of-the-closet gay male with pathological OCD). In my experience, men have horrible toilet aim, hog up my precious counter space, are oblivious when toilet paper rolls run out, soil all bath towels and don't think to replace them, and steal my nail clippers no matter how well they are hidden.

2) Bed sharing. The bed can be used in many fun and exciting ways in marriage, but when it comes to sleep, I much prefer to fly solo. I am a very light sleeper, and once I am awakened, it is nearly impossible for me to get back down. Between my covers being inadvertently ripped off and scratchy toenails accidently brushing against me, a good night's sleep is often impossible for me to obtain. A few nights a week I find myself wide awake at 3 AM with nothing to do but listen to the sound of my husband breathing -- the most irritating noise imaginable during an insomniac episode.

3) Nonstop compromise. Because I am a woman, I really think I should get my way all the time. I want Thai food for dinner, then I want to take a relaxing bubble bath, after which I want to watch the "Real Housewives" reunion. You want sushi, sex, and UFC. Who wins? If I get my way, you mope. If you get your way, I'm pissed. If we meet in the middle, neither of us are happy. Suggestions, anyone?

4) Civility during PMS. I am a big proponent of the Red Tent theory. I really believe that from the time when PMS strikes to the time when I am done bleeding, I should only be in the presence of women who are in the same boat hormonally. Attempting to have any civil communication with a member of the male species is nearly impossible. Men are such easy targets for all of our premenstrual irritation. And let's be honest, a man really doesn't stand a chance when pitted against a woman with PMS. The most humane option is complete separation during this time. OK ... we can meet up for sex, shopping, and salty food, but that is it!

5) Conversations before I have had my coffee. My husband is not a coffee drinker, so he doesn't understand my love affair with the ubiquitous warm beverage that keeps me functional. Often times, as I am sitting at my kitchen table and waiting for my coffee to brew in the morning, my husband approaches me to "talk." These talks are usually about stressful and complicated issues that I am in no way prepared to engage in without being properly caffeinated. This morning, as I was waiting for my fix, he attempted to engage me in a discussion about a work crisis, his grueling travel schedule (which will have him out of the country for most of the summer), and his stepfather's deteriorating medical condition. Yes, these are all important conversations to have. But not at 6 AM before I have had my coffee!

Don't get me wrong, I believe in the institution of marriage, I just don't love all aspects of cohabitation. But make no mistake, I am happily married and understand that sharing a bathroom and a bed with my man is part of the deal.

But I guarantee that I will be cursing him up and down when I get out of the shower and I am naked and dripping wet with no clean towel in sight!


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49 comments so far | Post a comment now
freekuntsupportservice January 8, 2010, 8:11 PM

you sound like a piece of work, thats not much of a marriage, no intimacy, and you sound spoiled actually.. may as well go live in a different house so your husband can get some real intimacy from women that actually want that. the only thing I agree with is the bathroom… my wife keeps her bathroom way messier than mine. you sound like the type that also complains about doing the dishes using a dishwasher and washing the clothes using a washing machine.

Anonymous January 8, 2010, 8:27 PM

So…you are an insanely selfish person. It sounds like your husband is as well. You bringing to light the stuff that HE does wrong just shows the things you do wrong as well, which are honestly worse. It seems like you two have no mature basis of conversation or compromise. I would have thought of that before getting MARRIED. I have read too many articles in which the topic is, “Women who just can’t stand the things men do.” Give me a break. The more pressure put on a person in a relationship without the other meeting them half way, the more unhealthy that relationship is. I wish you would see a marriage counselor yourself, and hand them this article. I have 100% surety that they would tell you that the majority of problems in your marriage are coming from your inability to compromise and forgive petty things. I am a male, but now here is my girlfriend with a few other helpful pointers.

I’m seriously sick of all the cutesy “Oh, men!” things that women write. It disgusts me. If a man (such as your husband) had written an extremely similar article about the 5 things he hates about marriage (i.e. all your female clutter on the counters, and your excusing of your bad behavior because of your hormones), you know there would have been a million feminazis on his back in a second. The minute you realize any stereotyping of another gender is sexism, the better. And, besides, if the toilet seat being up is the worst thing you have to deal with in your marriage, count yourself extremely lucky. Go watch some Lifetime and stop writing.

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