Vivian Manning-Schaffel: I didn't want to like Tori Spelling. She is the antithesis of my working-class, New England upbringing, but in spite of this chasm, I feel I can relate to her. Which is why I find "Tori & Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood" completely relaxing from my comfy vantage point on the couch.
Anyhoo, like many of us, she's a working mom who struggles with the juggle. This week, she laments to her BFF Jenny about "missing moments" with her two-under-two. She's been left in charge of moving houses with overwhelming work obligations and those of her kids, while her husband Dean stars in a movie -- and indulges in his motorcycle fixation. And a disturbing convo ensued:
Jenny says, "That's [the motorcycle] his guilty pleasure. That's his hobby."
Tori asks, "Where's my guilty pleasure? Where's my hobby?"
Jenny says, "You aren't in the place where you can have a hobby. You can't even figure out how to manage the time to give your kids quality time and your work."
Tori gets pissed. "I just don't get why men get to have hobbies and women don't!"
And from the couch, I yelped -- WORD! Why is it that a lot of men get to have hobbies while women don't?
The answer is quite simple: We let them.
Now, I can't complain. My husband's hobbies don't cramp my style at all. He hikes one weekend once a year, reads while transiting to and from work, and I get to enjoy the fruits of his culinary prowess.
That's the dynamic we carved out. If I need more participation, I speak up. But a lot of women do what Tori did: Send their husbands along to frolic amongst their hobbies for hours on end while quietly stewing with resentment.
Stop the insanity! Tori, the next time you desperately need a mani, GO. Take a turn. You work hard. And what'd you do with that baby nurse anyway?
|Vivian Manning-Schaffel has written for Babble, Parenting, The Advocate, The New York Post, Business Week and a variety of other publications and lives and works in the heart of breeder Brooklyn with her husband and two kids. She authors two pop culture blogs: The Mad Mom and A Hag Supreme, and is on the web at vivianmanningschaffel.com.|