Bruce Sallan: There are things in life we expect, and then there are those occasional times when we just get slammed. Early in my divorce was one of those OMG times when my wife had disappeared, the boys and I were trying to figure out what was next, and the lawyers were circling like vultures.
As our separation was not caused by a villainous action, per se, in the form of someone cheating, committing some sort of crime, or falling into an irreversible addiction, there was truly no side to take except -- in my opinion -- the kids' side. The only thing our friends knew was that my boys' mom had more or less disappeared, completely abandoning them.
In our marriage, most of "our" friends were mine, as my wife had moved here from Europe. So I couldn't have been more shocked, shortly after she left when summer rolled around, to find that most of these family friends also disappeared. Not a single friend invited us over for a meal that whole summer, including my best friend since 10th grade.
WHAT IS WITH THAT? My only conclusion was that it must have been uncomfortable for them. Most of our friends were long-term, settled married couples and I was the wild, former showbiz guy who married an exotic, non-traditional woman. But, even then, I found it a reach to believe that as a reason for their desertion.
Time mostly healed that wound, I made a whole new set of friends, and the boys and I moved to a new school district where they, too, began a new life. But the hurt never fully dissipated, so I urge those of you who know friends in the throes of divorce not to abandon them when they really need you most.
Yeah, but what do I know, I'm just a guy.
|Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A DAD'S POINT-OF-VIEW, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Join Bruce's A DAD'S POINT-OF-VIEW fan page at Facebook. To contact Bruce, visit his new website brucesallan.com.|