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Mother's Liquid Helper

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With two children in the double-digits, my mommy arsenal consists of merlot, shiraz, chardonnay ... oh, and vodka.

Beth Falkenstein: Does this sound familiar? You're at a function -- birthday party, open house, boutique sale -- where other moms in your social circle are likely to be. Once the preliminary greeting formalities are dispensed of a lull falls over the group. Expressions of expectant curiosity register on all the faces until someone finally says what's on everybody's mind: "Margaritas?"

mom having a margarita

That might mean you're an alcoholic. But it also might just mean you're the mother of a teenager.

I came to this realization after noticing that many recently tagged photos on my Facebook page featured me holding some sort of cocktail, coyly toasting the camera, as though saying "I defy you to make me put down this drink." I had become the Dean Martin of Facebook.

This wasn't the product of some weakness that had grown with the passing years. Seriously, the last time I tossed back Tequila Sunrises with such regularity I was wearing Jordache jeans and a tube top. It's just that while my kids were still preschoolers, no problem ever seemed like much of a ... well, problem. Hugs, a Band-Aid, a teddy bear were all the tools I needed. Oh, and baby wipes.

Now, with two children in the double-digits, my mommy arsenal consists of merlot, shiraz, chardonnay ... oh, and vodka.

I don't overindulge. I simply imbibe to the point where my kids' issues seem quaint and not the ulcer-inducing state of affairs that they really are.

My theory is that as our children get older, we can no longer magically fix them, so we magically fix ourselves. A whiskey sour can make a hickey disappear instantly. And an apple martini works wonders for curing that whining noise -- "I'm the only one without unlimited texting!" -- in our ears.

There are also benefits to the child, in that grinning stupidly at them is far less harmful than murdering them.

Obviously, this trend could get out of hand, so I've made a difficult decision that will require some willpower. From now until my daughters graduate college, I promise to stop ... posing for photos.

next: Kate's Got Some Bounce in Her Step!
11 comments so far | Post a comment now
Lori June 13, 2009, 7:26 AM

This mom may wish to rethink what she’s teaching her teens. While they contribute to your anxiety, modeling alcohol as a mood solvent isn’t a great idea. Stressed out about your upcoming test? Knock back a cocktail. Boyfriend dump you? Try a tequita shooter! Not such a great idea and I have to ask, what the heck is up with momlogic that they’re printing such drivel???

jennifer June 13, 2009, 9:33 AM

another mommy article glorifying alcohol use/abuse? really?

ariana June 13, 2009, 4:29 PM

Paging Mrs. Coholic. Is your husband named Al Coholic?

Amy June 13, 2009, 9:07 PM

Lighten up, ladies! Don’t be so literal! We all need to loosen up and laugh at ourselves from time to time and maybe tip back a glass of wine or cocktail and giggle. I think she is exaggerating a bit for laughs, ladies. Relax. ;-) CHEERS!

Maria June 13, 2009, 9:12 PM

I agree with Amy, lighten up ladies. Maybe we all need to relax once in a while and have a glass of wine. Im not talking about drinking while the kids are at school, but there is no harm in having a glass of red with the hubby,after they go to bed. Cheers

RachelAZ June 14, 2009, 1:16 AM

She never said she was drinking in front of her kids! Jeez, some of these people may need a cocktail or 2 themselves ;) She was simply saying that when she is out with friends trying to unwind she enjoys a drink! If you aren’t able to do that yourself, I feel sooo sorry for you!

AM  June 14, 2009, 2:52 AM

As a mom of two teens myself I have to agree that a little wine can do a mommy goody :O)

michelle June 14, 2009, 8:21 PM

you need to drink just to tolerate your kids? let’s see how react the first time your teenager daughter comes home drunk and barely able to remember the name of the guy(s) who has just taken advantage of her. sorry, don’t think alcohol is ever the answer…there’s plenty of ways to relax besides taking a drink. this article just isn’t cute or funny - i found it offensive.

Sara June 14, 2009, 9:15 PM

Oh relax some of you! This afternoon a few neighbors and us got together at one of our houses and while we watched our kids all ran through sprinklers and slip and slides we sat around sipping on Margaritas. We all had fun. No harm done. Nothing wrong with relaxing with a drink every once in a while!

Anonymous June 15, 2009, 5:02 PM

wow sounds like you are talking from experiance !!!
Really, just becuase a grown adult chooses to drink does NOT mean her children will follow suit.
Common sense everyone !!!

Anonymous June 15, 2009, 5:13 PM

Ten comments (mine included) and only three who seem to have been offended or immediately threw out the “alcohol abuse/alcoholic” card…what the heck is wrong with you people who don’t get it?!?!? Wound a little too tight or do you just think anything written is to be taken literally? I guess 70% of us are really raging alcoholics that must drink to tolerate our children. Really, loosen up. Its a blog for laughs. Now I think I will go have a glass of Pinot…

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