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10 People to NEVER Leave Alone with Kids

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Mothers, protect your children!

Momlogic's Momstrosity: Like all hard-working mothers, I strive diligently to protect my child from harm. It's a full-time job. In that spirit, here are a few recommendations of people to keep away from your kids at all costs. You'll thank me later.

1) Trekkie Dad
Simply put: torturing babies all in the name of your geeky hobby is not cool.

2) Jindrich Faltyny
Knife-throwing is a noble profession, but this guy uses his own daughter for target practice. Leave your kids alone with him and they could be next.

3) Barney
Although he is not technically a person, if your kids picked up any of this sickeningly sweet dinosaur's traits, you might be forced to disown them.

4) Doug Leavy, Insurance Salesman
In his "training video" to teach what it takes to be an insurance salesman, Mr. Leavy stresses the importance of interpersonal and communication skills -- while devoid of any personality whatsoever. Unless you need help getting your kids to fall asleep, keep this guy at arm's length.

5) Bill O'Reilly
Political views aside, dude's got a temper. Check out his tantrum that rivals that of any three-year-old. (Warning: explicit language.)

6) Marguerite Perrin 
"Trading Spouses"'s self-proclaimed God Warrior's rants will scare the devil out of your kids -- if her fashion sense doesn't do it first.

7) Elise Tan-Roberts, Genius
At two years old, Elise Tan-Roberts is reported to have one of the world's highest IQs. Want to cripple your kid's self-esteem? Let 'em hang out with "Miss Smarty Pants" for a day.


8) The Shrimp Woman
She beats out the meanest of the mean when she dangles a crustacean in this terrified little girl's face. ALL children should take out a restraining order on this nasty biatch.

9) First Ever Ronald McDonald
This vintage Mickey D. spokesperson is the prototype for all scary-ass creepy clowns to come.

10) Tom Cruise
It's been years since he jumped up and down on Oprah's couch, but his megalomaniac Scientology power-rant lives on. And it will freak out your kids. Plus, unless you want to make a hefty donation to L. Ron Hubbard, keep Mr. "Risky Business" far from children. 

next: July 27 is D-Day for Octomom
8 comments so far | Post a comment now
Gigohead  June 11, 2009, 1:30 PM

I’ve played that shrimp scare on my daughter, now she can’t get enough shrimp. She loves to eat them up by the gallon! LOL! It was harmless fun. If it had a head, it would have cruel, but to be frighten by a headless shrimp. hahaa that’s funny.

I would like to add:

Nayda Shulaman the Octomom

The mom of Nevaeh, the little girl who turned up dead

and Mickey Rourke. That guy can’t take care of chiwauwau let alone a child.

Queen Bee June 11, 2009, 2:01 PM

Awe, to be fair Mickey Rourke’s dog died because it was like 20 years old. The dude was devastated. Now Michael Vick on the other hand…………. THAT is a dog hater I wouldn’t leave alone with my child.

victoriasuominen June 11, 2009, 6:13 PM

Just keep them away from the GOP or Andrea here at momlogic and your kids will grow up fine. ANDREA: Why do you hate Star Trek? Are you a Mesolothian or what?

the voice of reason June 12, 2009, 1:56 AM

the only dangerous person and a snob might I add here is the writer of this article. I think putting number 7 is horrible and the reason why public school education is in the sorry state it is.

“Want to cripple your kid’s self-esteem? Let ‘em hang out with “Miss Smarty Pants” for a day.”

How about a smart kid’s self esteem when they see their average fellow classmates snubbing them because of the difference in intelligence and therefore run the chance of dumbing themselves down because their mommies taught the poor girl’s classmates its OK to be a snob? I think being around a smart kid should make your kid encouraged to succeed, not ignore a nice kid.

You must be jealous. If your child had a very high IQ, how fast would you be on the other side of the fence and outraged as to why the average kids won’t play/talk with your child.

A June 12, 2009, 5:19 PM

Protect your kids from the bad world. Momlogic, you’re illogical. If you spend all your time “protecting” them from a “bad world” then your parendhood will be nothing more than just that.

dotDotDot June 13, 2009, 2:02 AM

I may not agree with all of O’Reilly’s opinions but I would love for my kids to get to spend a day with him. He’s an intelligent man with lots of integrity and any kids would benefit from time pent with a person like that.

N June 13, 2009, 2:24 AM

you idiots are actually taking this seriously, its a joke!!!

Jill June 14, 2009, 8:04 PM

I feel like I should be reported to child services for even letting my 2 year old watch the shrimp video. Although it could be a good leverage device. “If you don’t listen to me I’m going to get out the shrimp!”

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