Warning: Ambivalence at Playground

Warning: Ambivalence at Playground

Monday, June 15, 2009

filed under: family

One jackass dad at a playground refused to help my daughter!

Vivian Manning-Schaffel: Let me set the stage. It's Sunday morning, 10 AM. A picturesque sunny day. My 20-month-old daughter and I are at a local playground. She's practicing her stair-climbing and decides she wants to go down the mini-slide. It's one of two side-by-side slides designed for kids her age. This dad is at the bottom of the slide next door with his daughter, who's around the same age. So I put my daughter on the other slide in a secure position, except as she's approaching the bottom, her shoe gets stuck and it's clear she's going to topple off the side.

chlid about to go down slide at playground

I'm at the top of the slide and can't exactly leap down in that split sec. So I shout to this man, who is conveniently located not inches from where she is, "Sir! Sir! Could you please help my daughter?" Jackass Dad does NOTHING. Instantly, she topples 360 degrees and starts to cry. He watches the whole thing ambivalently and doesn't lift a finger. He instead says sarcastically, "I guess I was too slow."

It was all I could do not to smack him upside the head. My kid could've seriously hurt herself. You know when you're so shocked at someone's audacious behavior you don't react? Well, I was so livid, words escaped me. If the roles were reversed and I was the one standing right there as his daughter took a header, you bet I'd have jumped in to help her -- and he wouldn't have had to ask. And it's quite likely this idiot wouldn't have even had the grace to say thank you.

I, for one, can't figure out how a parent could be so ambivalent about the welfare of a helpless 1-year-old -- no matter whose it is. But what are the rules here? Is it wrong to expect another parent to jump in and help?

Jackass Dad, you know who you are. And if we ever meet again and a car so happens to be zooming toward you at breakneck speed, I may be too slow to warn you.

Vivian Manning-Schaffel has written for Babble, Parenting, The Advocate, The New York Post, Business Week and a variety of other publications and lives and works in the heart of breeder Brooklyn with her husband and two kids. She authors two pop culture blogs: The Mad Mom and A Hag Supreme, and is on the web at vivianmanningschaffel.com.

filed under: family

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I would think it would just be normal reaction to help the child if he was as close as you said he was not to mention the fact that you were calling out for help. Clearly he has no sense of compassion and I find it rather disturbing that he found it so amusing especially when he has a small child himself. What a jerk!

- Mel

Posted 06/15/09 09:30 AM

Why is it the guy’s fault for a child that isn’t his again? 1-YOU chose to put her on the slide in the first place. 2-He has his own kid to worry about and I wouldn’t help you either in fear of being god forbid sued or accused of being a molester(because I could very well see some paranoid mother doing either of these) 3-The slide is meant for kids her age according to you so how much danger could she possibly be in? You need to realize kids need to feel pain and get hurt at some point in the park. Otherwise you might as well put her in a bubble. 4-I find it messed up that because this man didn’t rush in to save the day that you wish him a worse fate. It makes me wonder why children have children.

- The Voice of Reason

Posted 06/15/09 11:24 AM

You know, I do think he should’ve helped out once you asked for it - or at least not been a snot after the fact - but seriously, how injured could she have been??? This is a TODDLER slide, correct? If she can get seriously injured falling off of it, you shouldn’t be putting her on it in the first place!

- Uly

Posted 06/15/09 11:38 AM

Unlike the other commenters, I don’t believe that you should have kept your daughter off the slide. It is a toddler slide for goodness sakes. I know that she probably couldn’t have been seriously injured because it was such a small slide, but still as parents we like to protect our children from scary events. Whether or not she would be hurt, she would still get scared, which was obvious by her crying. Now, in regards to the butthead father, I don’t think it was his direct responsibility for your daughter, however I do feel it is his responsibility as a parent to feel compelled to help any child. It is the type of thinking that parents should help their own children that leads to children being kidnapped in public places with tons of witnesses and no one saw a thing. If parents would consider taking a second to think about someone other than themselves, then the children of this day would not be so misbehaved. Come on people…how many have you have actually watched a child fall down and not felt the urge to help them? Children are children. We as adults are there to protect our young, not ignore them because they are not our flesh. Even wild animals protect each others’ young. Have a heart people.

- Nicole

Posted 06/15/09 12:42 PM

Let me get this straight: Because a parent didn’t take their eyes off of their OWN child to help yours, he is now a jerk you hope dies by a speeding car? Way to teach your child true Karma. If it was truly a toddler slide then it wasn’t a far fall at all and unless she was jumping off the top(which I’m starting to wonder if she was) there was no danger of her breaking any bones. You sound like the type of parent who rushes to medicate anytime your child sneezes or sniffles. Keep her in that fantasy bubble of yours long enough that by the time she’s grown she won’t know how to function in the real world. Accidents can, do, and will happen with children. You do nothing for her by overreacting to a little thing. -Mother of three

- Nipsy

Posted 06/15/09 01:28 PM

Wow - you guys are feisty! This was a question of compassion. This guy could’ve EASILY reached over to help my kid without at all sacrificing the safety of his own, as she was at the foot of the slide, right at his feet and my kid was just a foot over. No one was jumping - only learning to slide. So perhaps the picture wasn’t clear. And to be more clear - the last sentence was meant sarcastically - not literally. I also wrote it to depict how these kinds of things bring out the mama bear in all of us - or at least some.

- The Mad Mom

Posted 06/15/09 01:39 PM

Nicole, preventing your child from ever getting scared or bumped doesn’t do them any favors in the long run. If she’s not likely to be seriously injured, the OP is overreacting. If she *is* likely to get seriously injured, she should not have been there - at least not without her mother holding her. Was the guy wrong? Maybe - but that doesn’t mean the OP’s reaction is correct.

- Uly

Posted 06/15/09 02:38 PM

for god’s sake you man-hating harpy. is there anything that man could have done right? you could have not put your child up there in the first place. way to blame all your problems on someone ELSE. maybe he saw your entitled and bitchy behaviour and decided not to help out? maybe it was all you.

- kitty

Posted 06/15/09 02:47 PM

Wow Kitty, I don’t think she was saying anything about hating men. The guy was flat-out rude. I think the main point is the principle of the situation—she asked for help, he could have helped, DIDN’T, then acted like a jerk about it. This is about common courtesy and respect. I would expect a child to act like that father on the playground, but an adult. Everyone keeps saying, ‘well she didn’t get hurt so who cares?’. I suppose if she had been injured the responses would all be different. Im surprised all the posters on here are so hostile. I mean, the mom was put-off by someone being so blatantly rude and just needed to vent. You guys seriously need to chill. She’s not over reacting, she’s not crying about how her precious child was scratched. She was just surprised a full-grown man would act that way. I’m only 21 with no kids, but quite frankly I’m surprised at how vicious parents can be, especially here. I mean, all the woman wanted was the guy to catch her kid so she wouldn’t fall since he was right there—quite minimal effort on his behalf. What’s the big deal in that?

- Kel

Posted 06/15/09 03:04 PM

What a jerk!

- RachelAZ

Posted 06/15/09 04:13 PM

he’s a jerk, plain and simple. how disgusting. regardless of whos kid it was, he could have helped or TRIED to anyway.

- maeby

Posted 06/15/09 04:44 PM

Was the Dad ACTUALLY watching your daughter get into trouble and did nothing? Or was he just “conveniently located”? I’m sure the “accident” happened so quickly that by time this Dad actually REALIZED the the “Sir! Sir!” was directed at him your daughter had already fallen. Perhaps he was watching HIS OWN child and not yours! Maybe he was lost in his thoughts and didn’t realize you were trying to get his attention till it was too late. And there was nothing wrong with his response either because YOUR daughter was NOT his responsibility and she likely wasn’t badly hurt because it was a toddler slide. Get over yourself.

- Mom2two

Posted 06/15/09 05:43 PM

The OP is from “breeder brooklyn”. If I had to really call it, you’re one of those entirely insane mothers in Park Slope who expect the world to stop and cater to you and your child.

- The voice of reason

Posted 06/15/09 06:39 PM

Wow, I would think the natural reaction of a parent would be to help the child, whether that child was yours or not.

- Lisa

Posted 06/15/09 06:40 PM

Right on, Kel. The angry commenters here are reading much too into this post. It’s not so much about parenting as it is about politeness. I’m constantly reminded how vicious parents can be as well, and especially on here and similar blogs. If you ask me, the “entirely insane mothers” mentioned in The Voice of Reason’s comment above seem to reflect herself and the other vicious individuals on here more than the blogger.

- Liz

Posted 06/15/09 08:22 PM

I cant believe some of the people on here would rather see a 20 month old fall on her face rather than see someone lend a helping hand. Its called having a heart people. Of course this father had no obligation to help the child out if he didnt want to but how about a moral obligation just becouse it would have been a kind thing to do. If he wasnt able to react fast enough to help out how about a simple sorry your child got hurt rather than the heartless way he reacted. I cant believe all the cold hearted comments on here I hope none of you live in my neighborhood.

- Mel

Posted 06/15/09 10:20 PM

Actually Liz, I am far from what you accuse me of being but I owe no one explanations. My generation grew up old school and wasn’t afraid of every little thing out to get them and they didn’t rely on other parents to be there in case their little special snowflake got injured. The mothers like the OP on here are raising their kids to be wimps. Like I said, there are many parents who will not stop the world and especially leave focus from their own children to deal with the responsibility of yours. I certainly wouldn’t. And let me get this straight. I’m messed up for my opinions but the OP isn’t messed up for wishing a fatal accident on someone who didn’t cater to her whim and save her fragile glass child? Way to apply those A+ parenting skills, people.

- The voice of reason

Posted 06/16/09 01:47 AM

Ah, “the voice of reason” - you should change your name :) Anyway, the blogger was writing honestly about a frustrating situation - running into somebody rude. The ending sentence, I believe, is an honest reflection of what we all impulsively feel sometimes, and devoid of true malice. However, overly opinionated and highly judgmental parents like yourself and your fellow vicious commenters are what make it difficult to be a parent these days - women aren’t free to express moments of over-concern or frustration, or even unfounded fear - for fear of being chastised by people like you. I stand by my statement. You are exactly the entirely insane mother you speak of.

- Liz

Posted 06/16/09 12:38 PM

And I stand by mine. We’ll call it a draw.

- The Voice of Reason

Posted 06/16/09 12:46 PM

So, “The Voice of Reason,” please enlighten us as to what generation that was exactly. I understand that “your generation” didn’t rely on other parents for anything. Unfortunately, then, you or your children never went to a sleepover at another child’s house. Your child was never scolded by another child’s mother for hitting/cursing/whatever. No mother would dare ask the kindly neighbor lady to watch her child for an hour or two if an emergency came up. Your child never had anyone else’s mother give her a band-aid when you weren’t around. You were never helped in any small way by any other parent. And when you yourself were a child and playing outside alone, back in the 18th century, no other mother ever yelled at you from the porch or even kept a casual eye on you. It was every man, woman and child for him/herself. Hey, it was, like, the golden era. Ah, so ironic that the same people attacking Vivian for being too overprotective are saying she should just keep her kid away from the toddler slide…which you would then promptly attack as being too overprotective.

- michelle

Posted 06/16/09 03:15 PM