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Moms Love 'Weeds'

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Ande Dagan: Suburbia's slickest weed-dealing mom is back and already caught up in the thick pot smoke of things.

Season five picks up right where season four left off. Nancy, having ratted out Guillermo, has been called over by her Mexican gangster boyfriend, Esteban. When he shows Nancy a picture of herself talking to the Feds, Nancy one-ups him with the mommy-to-be's Facebook profile picture du jour: an ultrasound. Her ultrasound. With his baby.

Weeds

Meanwhile, in a village somewhere down south, Celia is being held captive by her estranged daughter and her hot-white-guy-playing-a-Mexican boyfriend. The boyfriend, Rudolfo, goes through Celia's phone book and makes calls demanding ransom for her life. One by one he gets rejected, as everyone who has ever come in contact with Celia hates her. Rudolfo should have called me. I love that bitch.

Esteban decides to let Nancy live, since she is his baby mamma and the star of the show. She goes home to brother-in-law, Andy, who decides they should all move to wonderful Copenhagen where they'll be safe and happy. He then confesses his love for Nancy, who retorts, "I'm pregnant."

In the meantime, Nancy's two kids, Shane and Silas, are hot to follow in their mom's pot-dealing footsteps. Shane is slinging weed at his junior high library while Silas is gearing up to start growing his own crop along with Andy's stoner friend Doug in a nearby forest. And now that he's eighteen, it's officially okay to talk about how incredibly hot Silas is.

So basically everyone is tangled up in some sort of mess -- or about to jump into one. At one point during the half-hour show (why is it so short!?), my roommate turns to me and asks, "Why is Nancy such a dumb ass?" The thing is, she's not. In a world surrounded by men, Nancy Botwin holds her own. I won't get into the debate over whether she's a feminist hero or a terrible mom or neither. But if I were caught in some compromising ridiculous situation, I would call upon The Secret to grant me the charm and wisdom of Nancy Botwin in order to get out of it.

Next week -- craziness and hilarious one-liners by Kevin Nealon ensue.


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