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Your Baby Was Not Invited to This BBQ

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Or, Why You Should Keep Your Babies Away from My Parties -- Unless They Were Specifically Invited

woman carrying a baby

Childless Bitch: As I sat around at a friend's barbecue this past weekend, drinking beer and passing around a naked toddler like a hot potato, hoping I wouldn't be the one who got stuck holding him when he decided to make a wee wee, the thought occurred to me -- where did you little people come from? When did you get here? I know you've been popping out at random intervals from various friends for the last few years, but when exactly did you start showing up at my social gatherings? And don't get me wrong, adorable naked toddler -- but were you even invited?

Midway through the afternoon, I looked around the backyard and noticed all my non-parent friends engaged in different acts of entertainment with children who didn't belong to them. One was spinning. Over and over again. Another was guarding a pet while trying to teach a small rug rat to "be gentle." One more had volunteered her perfectly made-up hair to a toddler with a box of barrettes and now looked like a hot mess. The same thought seemed to hit their exhausted-looking faces all at once -- this is not the barbecue I thought I would be attending when I replied "Yes" to your Evite (which made no mention of children being invited). A spontaneous underground relief railroad was set up, and ten minutes later the "ladies without babies brigade" escaped to the front yard where, like high school delinquents doing something we weren't supposed to be, we nervously looked around the corner for a little one to come running at us.

Just like 3-year-olds need their playdates to interact and be goofy and flex their newly acquired socialization skills, we adult types need that stuff too. I would so much rather give you my full attention than divide it between you and making Play Doh sandwiches with little Haley. Look, I love your kid. She's precious. She's smart. I can do repetitive things with her for hours on end because she says funny things and warms my cold black heart. But what I really want is some kid-free face time with you.

So ladies, for the love of Dora the Explorer, if the invite doesn't say "kids welcome," please call the babysitter. And in reverse, if I know ahead of time that little ones will be at the party, I'll wear a slicker and not my new, overpriced summer dress.

Kindest regards, CB.

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48 comments so far | Post a comment now
Kristen June 25, 2009, 7:24 AM

I’m sorry but I think that if you invite someone to a BBQ, YOU should be the one saying, “adults only please”. These people can’t read your mind and they certainly don’t know how disgusted you are with their children or they wouldn’t have brought them in the first place so please do THEM a favor and be the one to say “hey this isn’t for kids”.

littlepeapie June 25, 2009, 8:57 AM

Personally, I’d rather not go than to leave my child with a sitter or have people feel that way….

Barb June 25, 2009, 8:57 AM

If you invite your friends over for a barbecue on a weekend afternoon without saying “adults only,” then you’re going to get the whole fam. And to be honest, I wouldn’t choose to spend a Saturday afternoon with you, my childless friend, over my family, so the odds of your friends coming without the fam are slim. I totally support one-on-one time, but maybe make it a Friday night dinner or drinks. Weekend days are family time.

J. June 25, 2009, 9:10 AM

Right on once again CB!!

Neither me nor my friends would EVER bring our kids unless they are specifically invited. I HATE when people are so presumptious and assume their special little angels are invited everywhere. And then don’t even watch them - just let them run around and bother other guests. Seriously, when do do these types of parents get “adult” time?

And why would you assume someone having a bbq is expecting to foot the bill for not only adult guests but all their children as well? Stay home and have a bbq w/your kids in your own backyard if they haven’t been invited.

Gigohead  June 25, 2009, 10:03 AM

I agree with the previous posters. I will not be leaving my kids on a weekend to attend some adults only party. That is perfectly OK for a Thursday or Friday nite but not for the weekends, when that’s the ONLY time I get to spend with them. Sorry CB, but you don’t get any sympathy from me.

mommy<3 June 25, 2009, 10:04 AM

My husband and I bring our baby, 5 months old, with us to almost every BBQ we’ve been invited to UNLESS it’s specified that it’s more for adults! So I think it’s your own damn fault when your mommy friends show up with their kids! Quit complaining!!!!

Nora June 25, 2009, 11:02 AM

Nothing like the self-righteous comments of self-centered moms. As a mother I would not assume my non-mom friends expect every event to be kids friendly.

Do none of you moms know the rules of etiquette - regarding invitations - whether written or verbal - only the person/people addressed are invited to the function. If your friend invited you and your husband to a bbq that does not include your children. Either find a sitter or graciously decline, but don’t ruin the host’s party by bringing uninvited guests.

Anonymous June 25, 2009, 11:13 AM

I ususally check with my non baby friends if the invite includes kids or not. My family likes to spend time together on the weekend because my husband works a lot and thats his time with me and the kids so if kids aren’t invited, we would just decline. We still would find ways to get together with our non baby friend maybe on friday night or saturday night without the kids.

birdsfly June 25, 2009, 11:22 AM

BBQs are usually family events so it’s usually assumed to be family friendly. Either say no kids in the invite or call it a cocktail party!

anon June 25, 2009, 11:53 AM

communication is the problem here. the parents should ask host if children are invited. we have received invites that specifically say adults only (usually more formal events like weddings or a dinner). others, no mention of kids so i ask. I recall once my husband (and I ) were invited to a co-ed bridal shower on a Saturday afternoon at a bar/pub. I assumed no kids. It would have been really convenient to bring kids them go on with rest of day. Well my husband called and said plenty of kids and for us to come down but opted not to for logisitical reasons. That experience taught me to always ask, esp for more casual events, like a BBQ. A good host and guest will be honest with ea other; a good guest will either say no, get a babysitter, and/or not make host feel bad about wanting an adult environment.

Pamala June 25, 2009, 12:33 PM

First off this was a friends BBQ and CB just assumed that this friend didn’t invite the kids and that the people there didn’t ask before bringing them.

How odd that people must tell people that children may be at a BBQ. How self-centered a person has to be to request that she be told ahead of time that children will be there. Don’t you think the hostess/host had better things to do than make sure you knew kids would be around for some illogical hatred of kids that you have?

So people are reading this whole post wrong. CB wasn’t the host of this BBQ. She assumed these parents came with their children uninvited and then wrote a whole post “bashing” these parents for their disrespect when in fact there probably was none.

Anonymous June 25, 2009, 12:54 PM

How is this article encouraging for MomLogic readers?! This website is supposed to be inspiring, but articles by this person is only aggravating and insulting to the parent community. Fine, if you hate kids, then don’t have any and/or don’t associate with people who have kids! But DON’T go ruining any experiences for people who absolutely cherish their children!!!

Anonymous June 25, 2009, 1:42 PM

If I’m invited to a BBQ by a friend who has a kid, I bring my kid. If I’m invited by a friend who does not have a kid then I leave the kid at home. It’s pretty simple.

Monica June 25, 2009, 2:17 PM

I agree with some of the other posters. If you are having a party it is your responsibility to say “no children” or “adults only” on the invite. It is not our responsibility to guess at whether our children are invited. When you send an invite to my home my number one assumption is that if there are no specific names on the invite or no rsvp that says 2 when we have a family of 3 that the whole household is invited. You as the host need to be specific about who’s invited. If you didn’t want a toddler makeover at your BBQ then that’s what you get if you weren’t specific. Sorry, I love your post but you are wrong on this one!

abbi June 25, 2009, 3:09 PM

no, no. i agree.
annoying little rugrats ruin everything.

hmm, a day drinking alcohol in the sun and roasting meat on a grill. doesn’t really sound like child-friendly activities to me. the parents should realize that the parasite mommy pushed out of her now-stretched vagina is not loved by all.
just because it doesn’t say “no kids” doesn’t mean the parents can’t get a clue.
children are disgusting, flat out.
if i had a bbq and someone dared to bring a child under drinking age, well, i would lose my appetite.
ughhh presumptious parents!!! YOUR KID SUCKS!

J. June 25, 2009, 3:46 PM

“If you are having a party it is your responsibility to say “no children” or “adults only” on the invite.”
Actually, according to etiquette and conventional social rules this is incorrect - it is no tthe hosts responsibility to say/write “no children” (since they have already done this by not putting th che child’s name on the invite or addressing them by name verbally). As stated earlier by another poster, the name addressed or the person verbally invited is invited to an event. Assuming your children are invited if they are not listed is rude and a social faux pas. A host never addresses who is NOT invited, only who is invited, so one would not say “Adults Only” - they simply invite the adult friend and trust them to use the common sense not to bring uninvited guests.

anonymouse June 25, 2009, 3:57 PM

I agree with most of this post, but I do agree with previous commenters that it should be YOUR responsibility to say no kids/adults only/whathaveyou.

Abbey June 25, 2009, 4:45 PM

I don’t think specifying “Adults Only” will really make much of a dent because A) it’s a BBQ 2) Weekend time is family time and 3) If I couldn’t get my own family to leave their 14 million kids at home for my wedding when i wrote in very large letters “Adults Only”, i have low hopes for anything else.

Jennifer June 25, 2009, 5:34 PM

How entertaining that once again we have the “childless” stalking a parent oriented website. I personally despise certain things just as well, but you don’t see me lurking around on those message boards or constantly reading every website dedicate to it just so I can vehemently comment on how much I hate it. Seriously you under emotionally developed twits… GET THERAPY!

As for the BBQ, I’ve never been to one yet, and that includes during my life before kids, that didn’t involve children. Would you feel the same about a person bringing a date who was not on the invitation? What if the spouse was not directly named? I’ve even seen people bring their dogs who yap, crap and pee every where. They certainly weren’t invited! It’s a BBQ, not a fine dining experience for heaven’s sake!

Anonymous June 25, 2009, 5:56 PM

CB is really a B. I would not have to worry about your feelings b/c you are not the kind of person I would befriend.

Isn’t MOM logic for MOMS?

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