Here's why you need to stop. Now.
Single Mom Seeking and Dr. Leah: Surely, you've noticed this: many mothers bad-mouth their children's fathers on their blogs.
We understand that blogging is an outlet. You need a safe place to vent. And you get comfort from connecting to other women who "get" what's happening in your life.
Bad-mouthing your kid's father, however, is destructive to your child.
All of it: the name-calling, the derisive nicknames, and the endless recitations of his inadequacies. Kids quickly learn that no matter how involved Dad is -- or isn't -- they are still "half that person."
You might know that both Dr. Leah and I had quite traumatic experiences with the fathers of our children.
We have plenty we could say in public about them. But we don't.
So, why do so many single moms continue to bad-mouth fathers, either in person or online?
After all, we know that kids get hurt when one parent criticizes the other in front of your children.
If Mom persists in bad-mouthing Dad, kids must cope with thinking of themselves as "half liars" or "half irresponsible jerks" or "half lazy deadbeats." Coping with the "bad half" dilemma is an enormous developmental challenge for kids.
On top of social pressures, academic demands, and all the rest, kids will be haunted by doubts about their self-worth based on what they hear Mom say.
So, why do parents -- who are clearly loving and responsible -- continue to bad-mouth their kids' dads?
Many of you might be caught in a "perfect storm" of broken relationships, legal system snafus and catch-22s, and economic woes. We understand.
So, here you are, sitting at the computer screen while the kids are asleep or pleasantly occupied, clicking away. You might feel like you're chatting with trusted friends.
Blogging -- and commenting -- often feels like chatting behind closed doors.
Even if you leave a negative comment on a blog about your ex, your kids can find it and read it. Sure, you might be anonymous, but your babies will one day be tech-savvy and literate. And they'll have friends with those same skills.
Indeed, anonymous blogging is an oxymoron, don't you think?
We'd like to know:
Do you rely on blogs -- writing a blog, or commenting on them -- to deal with the anger and disappointment you feel re: your ex?
|Rachel Sarah, a.k.a. "Single Mom Seeking" blogs at SingleMomSeeking.com and co-founded SingleMommyHood.com, the first-ever website to offer "a whole new way to think about life."|