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Can You Fall Back in Love After an Affair?

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Dr. Michelle Golland: Once you call the "Other Woman" your soulmate, your wife's next call may be to a divorce lawyer.

Mark Sanford and Jenny Sanford

I do believe marriages can recover from infidelity, but Governor Sanford may have taken his second step toward the demise of his marriage when he said in a recent article that the woman he has had an affair with is his "soulmate," and he is trying to fall back in love with his wife. Let's face it -- those are painful words to hear coming from your husband. I think the more Governor Sanford speaks publicly, the more damage he is causing to his marriage.

Many couples can recover from an affair if the person who has cheated is truly remorseful and wants to make the marriage work. My concern with Governor Sanford is the way he is characterizing the "affair" as a "tragic love story." It seems to me that he cares more about the feelings of his mistress than those of his wife. In my opinion, he doesn't sound truly remorseful but is more upset that he has been caught.

Having worked with many couples struggling with infidelity, I have to say that if the husband were to come in and say he found his "soulmate," I would be moving from helping them reunite to helping them divorce.

What would you do if your husband used the term "soulmate" for another woman?


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2 comments so far | Post a comment now
Sharon December 2, 2009, 7:50 PM

If my husband said he’d found his soul mate or made it out to be about true love I’d pack his bags for him and send him on his way…….but i’d shut myself off to any attempts at reconciliation, ever.

andi June 19, 2010, 8:33 PM

well, I thought I would have said pack your bags, too, and at first I did. Most affairs are over-the-top emotional things were people act like fools and the illicitness and secrecy make it so exciting. I think soul-mate talk fades away after the destruction of so many lives occurs. Our family is in throws of it now…and I don’t think he thinks she is his soulmate any longer


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