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Fireworks in the Bedroom

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It's almost the 4th of July ... so it's time to create some sparks between the sheets.

couple kissing in front of fireworks

The kids are out of school, you're running to parades and fireworks displays, and odds are, you're just plain worn out by the time you get home. Don't feel like hopping in bed to make some sparks with your man? Well, follow these simple tips and you'll soon be seeing stars.

Break out the lingerie. Bonus points if it's red, white, or blue! We know you'd rather wear his T-shirt and boxers (we live in those, too), but sometimes even just the simple act of putting on the lingerie can help get you in the mood.

Grab some Wint-O-Green Life Savers and turn out all the lights. When you bite into one, make sure he's watching -- there should be a small flash of white light. Now that you've made him see sparks, it's his turn.

After the kids are in bed, head to your backyard and write your names in sparklers. Instant foreplay!

How about serving each other red, white, and blue finger foods ... in bed? Strawberries, blueberries, and whipped cream will do the trick.

This may be TMI, but there is a sex act that's called the 4th of July. It's, um, going down, with Pop Rocks in your mouth. Whoa! Not for the faint of heart.

Forget "Born on the Fourth of July" ... how about some porn on the Fourth of July? A few erotic flicks are sure to put the BANG in your Fourth.

Come to bed wrapped in an American flag ... and nothing else!


next: Shame On You, BET!
8 comments so far | Post a comment now
smoore July 1, 2009, 10:36 AM

lame!

brianna July 1, 2009, 12:30 PM

totally lame! go down on your husband while eating pop rocks? is that the best you can come up with?

Jenny July 1, 2009, 1:36 PM

I haven’t done the whole pop rocks thing but I’ve heard it hurts like crazy. How is writing your name with sparklers foreplay? How is sparking a wintergreen lifesaver in your mouth sexy? We used to do that as kids, clothes on of course.

I agree with the first two reviews.

Reality Check July 1, 2009, 2:07 PM

Lame in a major way!

Rachel July 1, 2009, 7:15 PM

This is funny if you consider it written from a satirical point of view… :)

ame i. July 1, 2009, 10:58 PM

I don’t think I’ll be trying the poprocks. I did try the menthol cough drops; they numbed my “area” to where I didn’t feel much of nothing.
I agree with previous comments, this was lame.

Cassandra July 16, 2009, 12:40 AM

I think someone stretched too far in hoping and trying to tie together sex, the fireworks metaphor, Fourth of July and rejuvenating a long-term sexual relationship. I think the best way to combine all of these themes is to perform the following steps, “a” through “e.” Step “c” plus Step “d” equals one “round” in this game. Here are those steps: with your preferred sex partner, (a) place a DVD of the 1940s movie “Yankee Doodle Dandy,” with James Cagney, into the DVD player, and hit ; (b) get those daggone clothes off … yours and your partner’s; (c) at the start of every song-and-dance routine in the movie, begin having sex with your partner; (d) time it so that when the round ends, you pause in the sex act you’re performing, and (e) repeat Steps “c” and “d” when the next song-and-dance routine begins. TIPS: 1. Remember, there are about a dozen routines in the movie, so pace yourself. 2. Delay the gratification of a male partner as long as possible, especially if he is older than about 19 and recovery phase is slow. 3. Keep in mind that “having sex” does not have to be coitus each round. 4. If you do NOT end a round when a routine ends, that’s not a bad thing … roll with it. 5. Watch the movie again the next night, with clothes ON; it’s a really great movie, and the routines that you were having sex during really deserve to be enjoyed as the focus of your viewing, not simply as background to humpity-bumpity. NEXT YEAR ON THE FOURTH OF JULY: I will give you a similar set of ideas for how to take full advantage of the more recent Revolutionary War epic, “The Patriot”…!

Anonymous October 17, 2009, 9:15 PM

so unspecial,unsatisfying, weak and stupid. What is this supposed to be something new? And Im over sixty…


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