News flash: The adolescent years are OVER!
Dr. Michelle Golland: Every time I see Jon Gosselin standing next to a 20-something girl drinking a beer and lighting up a cigarette, I want to thump him on the head and say, "What are you doing? Grow up!"
So far, he has not risen to this very challenging time regarding himself and his family. As a relationship expert, I really believe that Jon and Kate could have worked out their issues if they had taken a long, hard look at themselves and been willing to change the things within each of them that contributed to the demise of their marriage. It appears they chose to not do that at all. I believe they never even tried marriage therapy, but simply decided to exit the relationship.
As I have said before, their children will ask each of them how hard they tried to fix what was going wrong; however, for better or worse, these kids will have many hours of footage to prove the lack of maturity, grace, and dignity both their parents have displayed along this very bumpy road.
It was obvious to me that Jon's exit from his controlling wife was clearly the act of a man caught in an adolescent rebellion revisited in his 30s. My greatest hope for him was that he would be able to pull out of this dark time with a new desire to be a stronger, more mature, and more defined man. So every time I see him smoking with his Ed Hardy hat on backwards, it makes me feel two things: I feel sad for him that he is unable to see his need for self-reflection and appears just as lost as he did in his marriage; and I feel annoyed at his lack of self-control at this time to be on his own and not defined in some way by a woman in his life.
So here is my advice to Jon:
1) Stop dating women who are in their own late-adolescent stage of life. Actually, just stop dating, at least for the summer;
2) Find a good therapist and do the personal work you truly need to live a better life and be the man you truly could be and the father you aspire to be;
3) You can start dating after you have completed step #2;
4) Stop smoking! Your kids are watching you and it is just gross;
5) With all the money you have, hire a stylist and get a better look, because the advice from your young girlfriends simply looks silly. This change may also help you date a woman who is more mature as well; and
6) Finally, take a step back for more than a minute and actually THINK about what you are doing and the fact that you have young children. You are a father. Act like one.
|Dr. Golland is a USC graduate and a licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY#16974). She works with adults, teens and is an expert in the field of marriage and relationships. Dr. Golland has given her expert advice on CNN, HLN, MSNBC, ABC, and Fox news. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two wonderfully exhausting children.|