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Just a Guy Who Looks

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Men like to look at women. Yes, there's a time and place for doing it. But we will also do it when it's not the time and place. It's in our hardwiring.

guy on a date checking out another woman

Bruce Sallan: Two recent outings with my wife brought this to mind. First, we were driving at night and pulled alongside a line of (young) people waiting to get into a club. My wife was driving, but noticed that I "gazed" at the abundance of barely clad women. Now, of course, she would say "slobbered."

The second occurred while at the airport, in the interminable security line. Bored to death as it inched along, I tried the more covert spy gaze, this time at a group of young girls apparently on their way to Vegas. But, as it turned out, I'm no 007, and in my absent-mindedness, I slightly bumped my wife, who was ahead of me.

Clearly sensitive to this issue, she twirled around, accused me of looking at girls (again), and promised to get even, which in her language means spending money.

My wife is quite attractive and I don't want anyone else. To a degree, I can't help it when a half-naked woman crosses my path, while at the same time my wife deserves my respect and exclusive attention. I don't like this side of my character. To counter it, I usually sit facing the wall whenever we eat out, to ensure my undivided attention to my wife.

Honestly, I'm doing my best to work on this, but as with more than most of my (male) deficiencies, what can I do, as I'm just a guy? Now, gulp, I'm ready for your comments.


next: I Am the Land of the Free -- Free of Children!
47 comments so far | Post a comment now
shea July 4, 2009, 9:55 AM

every man looks just make sure its just a glance instead of a stare lol no matter what ur wife says when shes out and a sexy younger guy walks by she looks 2 (at least i do lol) just make sure she knows u still think shes still beautiful!!

Carolyn July 4, 2009, 12:59 PM

Men and women ARE wired differently, but not that differently. Do we have sexual fantasies as often as men do? Probably not. Which is why we can multi-task and get sooooo much more done. But do we fantasize? Of course. Do we look when a hot guy walks by? Again of course. We’re just better at disguising it than you very un-subtle reactionary guys. Sometimes it’s fun to catch a guy you’re with staring at a pretty girl, sometimes it’s insulting. But it is what it is, and men are what they are. And, so I say once again, “Viva la difference!”

wife July 4, 2009, 1:27 PM

thank you for your brutal honesty,
in some cases when husbands are confronted they just completely object and say i wasn’t staring/gazing at anybody
and like shea said, make sure its a glance not a stare lol

Your Wife July 4, 2009, 3:20 PM

You know I know that men are wired differently. I had a boyfriend say to me once that I should try living with all that testostorone in my body:-)))) I’m not saying don’t look, I’m saying that you need to be more discreet about it. How about trying to look out of the corner of your eye instead of turning your head and entire body. How obvious can you be. What I’m talking about is showing me a little more respect, afterall, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Bruce Sallan July 4, 2009, 3:32 PM

Honey - Did I say “I love you” yet today?

Anonymous July 4, 2009, 6:36 PM

lol My husband looks and we usually end up joking about it. I know he’s just looking and nothing will happen, and he knows that I won’t get upset because it’s a natural thing. Saves a lot of the fights that could come if it, and we both end up having a laugh. Sometimes, it’s actually me who points out the “scantily clad” women! And even when they’re clearly better looking than I am, he always says I look better! ;)

Penny July 4, 2009, 9:26 PM

One time I couldn’t help but notice a woman with an amazing figure. I asked my husband, “Did you see that?!” Without missing a beat he said, “See what?” I laughed and laughed and said, “nice try.” We wives understand, but if a guy is too obvious about it, it will look like he doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings.

Jen July 5, 2009, 11:44 PM

I agree with your wife, Bruce…be more discreet. Not only do you look foolish when you’re gawking to the point of running into your wife but it is just plain rude and a little creepy to the young girls being stared at.

David July 6, 2009, 12:35 AM

Although I am a male, I am unable to sympathize with Bruce. I think that discretion is key for either gender when, in the company of one’s spouse/etc., someone comes by who gets your attention by being sexy, hot, magnetic or the like. Over the years, I have heard many women say what Carolyn has written, i.e., that women look, but with subtlety; and in doing so, fly below the radar of their companions. I think that Bruce’s wife would do well to announce to Bruce that a hot guy is approaching, and then stare/gaze at the fellow, and in that way take Bruce to school. Repeat as necessary.

Michelle July 6, 2009, 11:49 AM

Yeah, discretion! I know my husband checks out girls. And he knows I check out guys. I can guarantee that all of us wives are checking out the hot young waiter, but our husbands will never catch us doing it openly.

Christine July 6, 2009, 1:17 PM

Thanks for the comments Bruce, this one really cracked me up (particularly the comments between you and your wife). I actually look at both sexes (am I bi?). I don’t think so, but I do notice beauty both in the female gender as well as the male gender. And I’m usually the one who notices the hot female bods on the beach before my partner does (because I point them out to him)….. though maybe he is looking behind those dark colored sunglasses before I do, but I would rather just think he is oblivious to anyone other than me… haha.

Never July 6, 2009, 1:55 PM

Thank g*d someone has the balls to address this subject. Bruce, I am not sure that you have to be discreet but be sensitive to your wife. She as the power to make you happy or miserable, we all now you need all the happiness you can stand and then some. As men remember that women dress that way to get the reaction that we men give but the mark of a man is his choice to choose, even if we sometimes get caught off guard.

Jason July 6, 2009, 2:40 PM

How sure are you that men don’t catch women checking men out? Women are just completely objectional to any flaw you may present to them. Women certainly are not more discreet then me, each situation is different. It’s threads like this that inpower women to stupid heights. Get off your high horses. KEEP GAWKING BRUCE!!!

Mark July 6, 2009, 3:23 PM

Let me step up to the plate here and give Bruce some props. Bruce, good for you that you have the courage to open yourself up to potential for criticism on this. Also, you wrote about this as being YOUR responsibility to handle. That’s being a man. To the female readers: Would you rather have a boyfriend, date or husband who was on such a low thermostat that he did NOT pay some attention to the passing parade? And if you answer “no,” then you may have to accept some less-than-perfect skill on his part when looking. It appears that two men (other than Bruce, in his reply to a comment) have posted comments. To one of them, David, I say: Dude, next time, you should have Bruce’s back … “Band of Brothers”—rent it, learn from it.

shea July 6, 2009, 7:52 PM

haha the band of brothers that guy above me is funny

Jeff July 6, 2009, 11:51 PM

Wow, Bruce writes about this weakness, acknowledges it, wants to change it, expresses his devotion to his wife, and most of these comments seem to blast him! No fair. How many men would actually “go public” with this pervasive admission. Good for you Bruce!

David  July 7, 2009, 4:43 PM

A couple of comments and a question:
1. Your bride is very fortunate if this is your worst quality.
2. An ocassional glance (no staring or slobbering) will seem less than harmless to most understanding wives who are receiving proper attention.
3. What is your reaction when you see her “checking out” a “talented” guy?

Amanda July 7, 2009, 5:17 PM

Must say…takes alot of courage for a man to come out and present this topic openly. Props to you!
But…staring bad enough to run into your wife..ehhh not so good. Staring and glancing with your peripherals are two different things. Make sure if your going to look at somebody that your wife isn’t looking right at you. And DON’T stare!

stephanie July 7, 2009, 6:14 PM

Two things- as mentioned above, look, but have some class and subtlety about it! Also, don’t use that “men are wired that way!” excuse. EVERYONE likes to check people out, it’s not like having male equipment gives you the monopoly on being a perv.

Anonymous July 7, 2009, 11:57 PM

I got caught once. my reply to my girlfriend was. Who you going to believe me or them lieing eyes of yours!!!! lol


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