Just a Guy Who Looks

Saturday, July 4, 2009

filed under: bruce sallan

Men like to look at women. Yes, there's a time and place for doing it. But we will also do it when it's not the time and place. It's in our hardwiring.

guy on a date checking out another woman

Bruce Sallan: Two recent outings with my wife brought this to mind. First, we were driving at night and pulled alongside a line of (young) people waiting to get into a club. My wife was driving, but noticed that I "gazed" at the abundance of barely clad women. Now, of course, she would say "slobbered."

The second occurred while at the airport, in the interminable security line. Bored to death as it inched along, I tried the more covert spy gaze, this time at a group of young girls apparently on their way to Vegas. But, as it turned out, I'm no 007, and in my absent-mindedness, I slightly bumped my wife, who was ahead of me.

Clearly sensitive to this issue, she twirled around, accused me of looking at girls (again), and promised to get even, which in her language means spending money.

My wife is quite attractive and I don't want anyone else. To a degree, I can't help it when a half-naked woman crosses my path, while at the same time my wife deserves my respect and exclusive attention. I don't like this side of my character. To counter it, I usually sit facing the wall whenever we eat out, to ensure my undivided attention to my wife.

Honestly, I'm doing my best to work on this, but as with more than most of my (male) deficiencies, what can I do, as I'm just a guy? Now, gulp, I'm ready for your comments.

Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 12 and 15. His nationally syndicated column, A DAD'S POINT-OF-VIEW, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. To contact Bruce, visit his new website brucesallan.com.

filed under: bruce sallan

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Bruce thanks for putting it there. Next time I get caught I am going to blame it on the I am a guy thing and I could not help it.

- scott

Posted 07/11/09 12:14 AM

Some of this is cultural. I’m an Italian American male. It is a cultural norm for us to look. We look, we see, we say to the wife or girlfriend, “Minghia, che bella,” and she makes a wisecrack back to us or slaps us on the arm and we laugh. It’s all part of the game of love! No harm, no foul.

- Paulie

Posted 07/11/09 10:23 AM

uh, not everyone likes to look at other people. Look, many of you may think this is okay, but I don’t. i think it’s disrespectful to your wife. women know how other women can be, uh, i mean, ARE. many women enjoy this and think life revolves around competition and use things like this to manipulate men. sorry, there are a lot of people out there who don’t respect the boundaries of marriage, and guess what? if you don’t have some pretty nice thick hedges around yours, it just may get plowed into by someone else. i can’t tell you how many people i have heard end up in an affair, ruined marriage, all because of an innocent “glance”. you never know what door you open when you look in the wrong direction. practice looking at your wife.

- suzzie

Posted 07/21/09 07:00 PM

Honestly, every man looks. There’s no crime in it and I would rather encourage my husband to look at another woman rather than have him wish he were with someone else who didn’t mind. My husband and I check girls out together and when he misses a hot one, I point it out. It keeps things a lot less stressful and somewhat fun when we go out together. People watching is great, especially when we’re both watching the cute ones!

- Amie

Posted 08/07/09 06:04 PM

Nice to put that out there. Yes men and women are wired differently, but at some level we’re all looking for ourselves, a symptom of our age of narcissism perhaps? Not only do me like to look, but just like women, they like to be looked at (or should I say, at least lament in private that they are not). As the europeans seem to feel about us Americans, we don’t know how to flirt (which I heard a French woman define as “attention without intention”) So, here’s to looking at each other and, hopefully, finding the beauty in ourselves. Namaste, Bruce

- privilege of parenting

Posted 09/10/09 03:51 PM

So, I was at the gym today, around lunchtime, and it was quiet as you can imagine. Mostly guys. But there was one woman who had a truly spectacular figure. No one seemed to be overly staring or engaging with her. But, as I was leaving the gym, I overheard the receptionist, a guy, and another guy remarking on how amazing she was. Then, another guy joined in and asked “who the he&*()l was that?” This is my point and male nature AT WORK!

- Bruce Sallan

Posted 10/12/09 03:36 PM

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