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Just a Guy Who Looks

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Men like to look at women. Yes, there's a time and place for doing it. But we will also do it when it's not the time and place. It's in our hardwiring.

guy on a date checking out another woman

Bruce Sallan: Two recent outings with my wife brought this to mind. First, we were driving at night and pulled alongside a line of (young) people waiting to get into a club. My wife was driving, but noticed that I "gazed" at the abundance of barely clad women. Now, of course, she would say "slobbered."

The second occurred while at the airport, in the interminable security line. Bored to death as it inched along, I tried the more covert spy gaze, this time at a group of young girls apparently on their way to Vegas. But, as it turned out, I'm no 007, and in my absent-mindedness, I slightly bumped my wife, who was ahead of me.

Clearly sensitive to this issue, she twirled around, accused me of looking at girls (again), and promised to get even, which in her language means spending money.

My wife is quite attractive and I don't want anyone else. To a degree, I can't help it when a half-naked woman crosses my path, while at the same time my wife deserves my respect and exclusive attention. I don't like this side of my character. To counter it, I usually sit facing the wall whenever we eat out, to ensure my undivided attention to my wife.

Honestly, I'm doing my best to work on this, but as with more than most of my (male) deficiencies, what can I do, as I'm just a guy? Now, gulp, I'm ready for your comments.


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47 comments so far | Post a comment now
scott July 11, 2009, 12:14 AM

Bruce thanks for putting it there. Next time I get caught I am going to blame it on the I am a guy thing and I could not help it.

Paulie July 11, 2009, 10:23 AM

Some of this is cultural. I’m an Italian American male. It is a cultural norm for us to look. We look, we see, we say to the wife or girlfriend, “Minghia, che bella,” and she makes a wisecrack back to us or slaps us on the arm and we laugh. It’s all part of the game of love! No harm, no foul.

suzzie July 21, 2009, 7:00 PM

uh, not everyone likes to look at other people. Look, many of you may think this is okay, but I don’t. i think it’s disrespectful to your wife. women know how other women can be, uh, i mean, ARE. many women enjoy this and think life revolves around competition and use things like this to manipulate men. sorry, there are a lot of people out there who don’t respect the boundaries of marriage, and guess what? if you don’t have some pretty nice thick hedges around yours, it just may get plowed into by someone else. i can’t tell you how many people i have heard end up in an affair, ruined marriage, all because of an innocent “glance”. you never know what door you open when you look in the wrong direction. practice looking at your wife.

Amie August 7, 2009, 6:04 PM

Honestly, every man looks. There’s no crime in it and I would rather encourage my husband to look at another woman rather than have him wish he were with someone else who didn’t mind. My husband and I check girls out together and when he misses a hot one, I point it out. It keeps things a lot less stressful and somewhat fun when we go out together. People watching is great, especially when we’re both watching the cute ones!

privilege of parenting September 10, 2009, 3:51 PM

Nice to put that out there. Yes men and women are wired differently, but at some level we’re all looking for ourselves, a symptom of our age of narcissism perhaps? Not only do me like to look, but just like women, they like to be looked at (or should I say, at least lament in private that they are not).

As the europeans seem to feel about us Americans, we don’t know how to flirt (which I heard a French woman define as “attention without intention”)

So, here’s to looking at each other and, hopefully, finding the beauty in ourselves.

Namaste, Bruce

Bruce Sallan October 12, 2009, 3:36 PM

So, I was at the gym today, around lunchtime, and it was quiet as you can imagine. Mostly guys. But there was one woman who had a truly spectacular figure. No one seemed to be overly staring or engaging with her. But, as I was leaving the gym, I overheard the receptionist, a guy, and another guy remarking on how amazing she was. Then, another guy joined in and asked “who the he&*()l was that?” This is my point and male nature AT WORK!

Karen December 25, 2009, 8:17 AM

Give the women here one valid reason why they should be publicly humiliated by these actions? No woman out on a date or with her husband should have to endure rubbernecking, gawking at the waitresses or other diners when eating out, looking women up and down behind sunglasses (we know you do that) or even ditching the girlfriend or wife and following an attractive woman around in a store. The men need to get it under control. It comes down to respecting the person you are with. That is all women want is your attention. When it gets to the point that they are dreading going out with you in public then you have a serious issue. There are men and I mean MEN out there that will not do this their women in public. They have developed a higher IQ. That is the rudest thing you can do to a person you are with. That is what devotion is all about.


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