She acts like we're an old married couple, and I'm sick of her nagging.
Beth from Connecticut writes: Iris and I have been best friends for 35 years. We were in the crib together. I adore her, and when we are one-on-one, just the two of us, we get along famously. The issue is when we are with others, Iris treats me like we are an old married couple who have been married for 30-plus years, and she "picks on me," like I am Edith and she is Archie. She says stuff like, "Oh, Beth would forget her head if it wasn't attached." Or "Beth has been unorganized since we were 5." She goes on and on, always in a cute tone, but she doesn't seem to realize that she does not ever paint a flattering picture of me to the others whose company we are in. How do I get her to stop doing this without hurting her feelings?
Leslie Adler: Dear Beth: Kudos to you for maintaining such a long friendship. Not an easy task, and quite amazing to have someone connected to your life for that many years. It sounds like Iris is acting "territorial," and in her own way, making it clear to all new friends you two meet that she knows you best. I think that is kind of cute. See it for what it is, and find a nice way to tell her that while you love that no one knows you better than she does, you wish she would find a more flattering way to express that to others. Explain that you want others to form opinions about you that are not influenced by her old ideas and opinions of you. I think she will understand.
Do you have a friend that has been in your life "forever"? What is your dynamic like? Tell it to The Friendship Court!
|Leslie Adler mother, lawyer and creator of the Vuv Club shares her witty thoughts on the many roles women play in their everyday lives. Leslie also combines her legal skills and friendship experience as presiding judge of Momlogic's "The Friendship Court."|