My friend told me a little makeup and a change of the hairstyle I have had since high school would do me good. OMG!
Donna from Denver, CO, writes: Dear Friendship Court: Judy and I have been friends since high school. Neither one of us was ever particularly trendy, nor could we afford to be. Now, 15 years later, we are each married, and each live fairly comfortable lives, and Judy likes "nice stuff." She wears all the latest and greatest clothes and has her hair done. I am still not interested in fashion and trends. Last week, we were out for lunch, and I said, "You got another new handbag?" and she went off on me. She said I should stop worrying about her stuff and get myself a complete makeover. She said a little makeup and a change of the hairstyle "[I] have had since high school would do me good." She also said she still recognizes things I wear from over ten years ago and doesn't say anything to me, so I should not comment on her new things. When she was done, I asked for the check and haven't spoken to her since. Can this friendship be saved?
Leslie Adler: Dear Donna: Yes, if you acknowledge that you were not exactly an innocent bystander in this argument. This may not sound like a very judicious term, but "you started." By commenting on Judy's handbag the way you did, you made the fact that she buys new things an issue. Your comment sounded judgmental, and maybe even projected jealousy. Judy didn't need to go on the attack, but obviously this was building up. My advice is that you should call Judy and apologize for your comment. Be clear that your friendship was never based on material things and you don't want it to be now. Tell her you love her even though she likes nice new things, and you hope she can love you even though you are comfortable in your "old things."
What do you think? Should stuff like this matter in a good friendship?
|Leslie Adler mother, lawyer and creator of the Vuv Club shares her witty thoughts on the many roles women play in their everyday lives. Leslie also combines her legal skills and friendship experience as presiding judge of Momlogic's "The Friendship Court."|