My friend has taken over my life, intertwined herself with all my friends (that I introduced her to), and I don't know what I am going to do. She is driving me crazy!!
Jane from Atlanta writes: Dear Friendship Court, I moved from New Jersey to Atlanta ten years ago. My family (husband and two children) is "established" in a community. We have friends, belong to a church, and we have our routines. A year ago, my friend Kim from New Jersey excitedly announced to me that as a result of visiting us, her family would be moving to Atlanta, to our community and school district, and of course, she asked me if I would help her fit in. Well, I did, and they have lived a quarter mile away from us for three months now and she is driving me crazy!!! She has taken over my life, intertwined herself with all my friends (that I introduced her to), and I do not know what I am going to do. She joined the PTA committees I am on, joined my book club, my tennis league, and enrolled her kids in my kid's summer program. She asks a million questions about where to shop, where to go, etc. She has invaded my space! I want to be a friend, but this is above and beyond the "call of duty," isn't it?
Leslie Adler: Dear Jane: Interesting phrase, "call of duty." Friendship is not supposed to be a job with more obligations than perks. So, I ask you in my role as "Judge," to review the "perks." What do you derive from having Kim in your life? Is this just a rough adjustment period, or is this relationship more burden and "work" than mutually beneficial and fun? If it is the former, then I urge you to grin and bear it and hope that Kim finds her own way in her new setting. If it is the latter, be honest without being mean. A "breakup" would suit no one, as you may have to face her in so many of your day-to-day activities. So be mature and tell her that having her live in Atlanta, in your community, is an adjustment for you as well, and you need to figure out a way to have some space. Good luck.
Ever have a friend invade your space?
|Leslie Adler mother, lawyer and creator of the Vuv Club shares her witty thoughts on the many roles women play in their everyday lives. Leslie also combines her legal skills and friendship experience as presiding judge of Momlogic's "The Friendship Court."|