Trust me, we don't love it when Luke makes a scene in public. But you know what? He's a baby. That's what they do.
Dear Cranky Lady,
This past Saturday afternoon, my wife, 14-month-old son, and I were walking down Montague Street when it started pouring. Not wanting to get soaked, we stopped into our friendly neighborhood Starbucks for a quick cup of coffee while we waited for the summer rainstorm to pass.
To entertain our son, Luke, we gave him a swizzle stick and a packet of Splenda. Yes, both of these are probably dangerous for a toddler to play with, but trust me, that's like the 45th most dangerous thing Luke has had in or near his mouth.
As you may recall, Luke found the swizzle stick hilarious. So hilarious that he shrieked with delight, as one-year-olds are known to do. This didn't seem to bother the other patrons in Starbucks, most of whom had small children.
But Luke's loud laughter did seem to bother you. So much so that you glared at him, sighed, "tsked" audibly, and said, to nobody in particular, "I remember when this place was peaceful." Really? "Peaceful"?†
And although the several patrons in the coffee shop sensed that you were a horrid person, and immediately came to our defense by saying things like "We don't mind at all" or "I guess she was never a baby before" -- there are a few things I'd like to say to you now.
First, this was not a fancy restaurant, or a library, or an office. It was a densely populated Starbucks on a Saturday afternoon in a kid-friendly neghborhood DURING A RAINSTORM. We were in there to dry off, unlike you, who spends your day there nursing your small cup of coffee, reading Us Weekly, and listening to Michael Buble on the Starbucks channel. If you wanted "peace" and quiet, STAY HOME.
Also, trust me, we don't love it when Luke makes a scene in public. But you know what? He's a baby. That's what they do. They don't know that you're 50 and friendless and mean and hate kids. They're just babies.
Anyhow, sorry for ruining your depressing Saturday routine with the laughter of a child. We know better now, and we'll just sit out in the rain in the future.
In the meantime, kindly go starbuck yourself.
|Paul Starke is an Emmy-winning TV producer, and a co-writer of the #1 New York Times bestseller, "An Inconvenient Book."|