McNair: Cheating's Deadly Consequences

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McNair: Cheating's Deadly Consequences

Thursday, July 9, 2009

filed under: relationship logic

Dr. Michelle Golland: When a spouse is cheating, there are many emotions involved between the married couple, but we often forget there is a real person with feelings and potential emotional "issues" that has now entered the marriage: the mistress.

The choice to have an affair can have deadly consequences, as we now see with NFL star Steve McNair. I am sure he never thought that stepping outside of his marriage would lead to his murder, but when dealing with love, sex, and jealousy, one never knows how far down it can take someone.

In the media lately, we have seen numerous powerful men dealing with the very public negative consequences of cheating on a spouse -- from Jon Gosselin, to South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, and now, Steve McNair. All of these men made a decision to deceive their partner, which led to the destruction of a relationship, the possible loss of a political career, and now the loss of one's life.

The situation with Steve McNair can be used as a very serious reminder to men and women who are considering cheating on their spouse that bringing a third party into your marriage is a dangerous endeavor indeed. Marriages (and sometimes livelihoods) can be destroyed, children can be conceived outside the marriage, diseases can be transmitted, and lives can be lost. Mrs. McNair is now left holding the bag of anger, confusion, and sadness while also needing to explain to her children the circumstances of their father's death.

We are justifiably angry at the woman who shot and killed Steve McNair, but many of us sit here and wonder: had he been a more honorable man, husband, and father, would he never have found himself in this position, leaving his children and wife to deal with the tragic and ugly aftermath of his death?

I wonder if today there are some men or women reconsidering that potentially dangerous liaison with the "other woman or man" because they may just not trust them completely. They should be questioning themselves if they are willing to risk their lives and the welfare of their families for sex or an unmet emotional need.

I believe affairs are a symptom of a marriage in crisis, but if you are considering cheating because you are unhappy, you owe it to your partner and yourself to reach out and try to fix what isn't working before you cross that line. So before you step out and have an affair, seek help from a professional -- either for your self, to understand why you feel the need to do so, or persuade your partner that it is time to get couples therapy.

Dr. Golland is a USC graduate and a licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY#16974). She works with adults, teens and is an expert in the field of marriage and relationships. Dr. Golland has given her expert advice on CNN, HLN, MSNBC, ABC, and Fox news. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and wonderfully exhausting two children.


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9 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

She should have blown her own brains out instead. She’s a cold hearted killer.

- Gigohead

Posted 07/09/09 05:23 PM

There appear to have been some real character flaws present with this man that would have made him an unfit partner for any marriage. The mistress was much, much younger and most wouldn’t consider her to even be fair game in terms of socioeconomic status, age or experience. He “gives” her a Cadillac for her birthday and has his name and her name on the title, but she (a waitress) is burdened with the payments? I think once his lies started to unravel, the mistress came unglued. He played a dangerous game and he lost. His wife and sons are most likely trying to figure out who he even was.

- susie

Posted 07/09/09 07:33 PM

Well said. So often, the public mourns the consequences of bad judgment without ever looking at the chain of decisions that created the mess in the first place. I saw this recently when a star high school football player in our area was killed after speeding over 120 miles an hour on the freeway in his new car. Another student was left with permanent damage. Everyone focused on what a “great kid” this was and not one word was mentioned in a cautionary way about the consequences of breaking the law while driving as a teenager. Choices have consequences, and if more people understood this, there wouldn’t be so many grisly headlines.

- Valerie

Posted 07/09/09 08:51 PM

Reap and sow, that is cosmic justice. How sad for her to have thought he was a prize worth taking her life over.

- ame i.

Posted 07/09/09 10:17 PM

Hello? Cheating is not a cause for murder. Oh, by the way, she was the other woman and should have known better that to be chasing a married man. No matter what his character flaws were, he did not deserve to be murdered in his sleep.

- Mary

Posted 07/10/09 08:14 PM

He got what he deserved. Now at least the wife and kids will get everything instead of half that would have resulted from the divorce which most likely wasn’t too far down the road. Too bad the girl killed herself over this loser.

- Bob

Posted 07/10/09 10:32 PM

“Great” people get “great” privileges. Men should question why the sexual favors of women are included in the perks of success—even to the point of cheating on your wife. But none of the male sportswriters—or male journalists of any stripe—are going to criticize the sexual-favors aspect of success and wealth. They want that for themselves, too, when THEY get rich and famous. They want—and EXPECT—women in their beds, and they expect it without consequences. Address the “moral” aspect of sexual perks? Never happen as long as men write most of the sports articles and frat houses exist.

- JMarra

Posted 07/13/09 10:08 PM

i don’t recall hillary killing bill

- billy

Posted 07/15/09 02:39 PM

Ok i’m sorry he died. But i have no respect for people who cheat in a relashionship. I consider them weak. I’m a titans fan and going to miss my QB. But as a human being i think this man was trash.

- Andy

Posted 07/28/09 10:14 AM