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My Teen Says "Oral Sex" is the New "Sex"

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Guest Blogger Natasha: "WOW" is the word of the day. My 16-year-old daughter told me that "her friends" aren't ready for "sex," but they give their boyfriends "head" all the time.

After I picked my chin up off the floor, I asked her what exactly is "head"? Sure, I know what it is, I just wanted to see how much she knew. Well, she told me it's when a girl gives a boy a "B.J." Her friends seem to think that this is the way to keep their boyfriends happy and still remain virgins. They simply call it "safe sex," because you won't get pregnant.

Is it just me, or am I right in thinking that if you give a guy oral sex, shouldn't it be like an added bonus, extra credit, or icing on the cake? When did oral sex start to come BEFORE having sexual intercourse with a guy? Here's the better question ... Why are girls doing all of the "giving" and none of the "receiving"? Not only do we need to teach them "self-respect," we need to be sure they have strong "self-esteem."

Don't get me wrong, I'm disgusted with the whole thought -- but let's be smart ... and fair!


next: Jon Gosselin Shows Off New Girlfriend in St. Tropez
45 comments so far | Post a comment now
just saying July 13, 2009, 7:19 AM

I am 30 and this was the norm when I was in high school.

anon July 13, 2009, 7:32 AM

forget fairness, in addition to teaching the girls self-respect, they need to learn to protect themselves from STDs which can still be contracted from oral sex.

Mrs. Collins July 13, 2009, 8:47 AM

This is totally disgusting and has been going on for a while. These girls need to be taught about safe sex and they also need to mature more before they think about pleasing their boyfriends.

Barb July 13, 2009, 8:49 AM

This was the norm when I was in high school, as well (I’m 32). Yes, we need to teach teens self-respect and self-esteem (why are those words in quote marks in the post?!), but we also need to recognize that teens are sexual beings and they have urges, too. They’re experimenting, and I don’t believe in abstinence-only education. Therefore, they need to learn about protecting themselves from STDs transmitted through oral sex.

shea July 13, 2009, 8:50 AM

its true givin head is like the new handshake?! weird

JD In BC July 13, 2009, 9:44 AM

This was the norm when I was in High School as well and I’m 30.

Honestly I don’t think we should be appaulled. We should be pleased if our daughters acknowledge that other sex acts besides vaginal penetration are legitimate forms of sex. It would be great if they demanded their boyfriends return the favor and pleasure them too but hey. This is better then the alternative.

YES there are STDs that can be caught through oral sex, they’re still no where near as terrible as some of the potential consequences of unprotected vaginal sex.

It’s our responsibility as parents to pass that information on though, not wait for the schools to do it for us and complain when they don’t.

Martha July 13, 2009, 10:11 AM

i think that you should talk to your daughter about how to protect herself from STD’s and listen to what she has to say on what she thinks about oral sex. Tell her how you feel about it and let her come to her own conclusions. Guide her decesions, but do not MAKE them for her.

Camille July 13, 2009, 12:12 PM

I’m not sure what “the norm” means. I wasn’t doing it back in my day and I’m sure a majority of girls weren’t either. I think we’re forgetting the herpes can be spread this way…there’s no cure for this and it leaves a giant stigma for the person infected. The norm? Seriously?

Jill July 13, 2009, 1:06 PM

Really? You want to talk about your daughter,bj’s, safety, and fairness? That’s a little more than I can take when thinking about my daughters. There’s a lot worry about when it’s to oral, std’s, the effect it has on our teeth and there is also risk of throat cancer. If giving head is the norm in high school, than, I can see why so many home school.

just saying July 13, 2009, 1:41 PM

“The norm” meaning that yes, I knew lots of girls that did this b/c it kept them from losing their virginity if they having intercourse. I’d say that 95% of girls with boyfriends that I went to high school with either had oral sex or intercourse.

My comment just meant that this was nothing new, it’s been happening, that’s why it’s such a casual subject with teens now.

hartleyrg July 13, 2009, 2:40 PM

I’m 27 and I wouldn’t say that was “the norm” when I was in school. There were definitely girls that did that, usually with their long-time boyfriend, but it was not a majority and it was not so casual. I think it’s sad that girls feel pressured to do things like that. School should be a time for making a lot of friends and having fun. The sexual stuff shouldn’t come until later.

Mommy Dearest July 13, 2009, 2:48 PM

Its sad but very true, all the same. What appears to be a harmless sex act comes with mental and physical health risk. But even more dangerous to the core of our society, is the fact that it is breeding a nation of people pleasing, mind controlled women with low self esteem, little or no self worth, who don’t even believe they deserve to get anything back from their relationships or be treated equally…SCARY! One step forward…100 Psychological steps back.

Mommy dearest

anon July 13, 2009, 5:13 PM

“the effect it has on our teeth and there is also risk of throat cancer.” Is this comment for real? How hilarious!

E. George July 13, 2009, 7:03 PM

Who is this guy Norm, and why is he getting all the BJs?

Michelle July 13, 2009, 7:06 PM

I say let them explore their own sexuality alone in the privacy of their own room,shower, whatever.

Don’t fall for manipulation or guilt trips from your teen. I say, “You’re better than that,you have a lot to be
proud of and you don’t have to “follow the crowd ,because you’re too smart for that”. Teach them consequences.

Anonymous July 13, 2009, 7:51 PM

The Superhead generations! Legitimizing HOs whose only claim to fame is that their mouths are human toilets results in new generations of girls, many of whom will become human toilets.

Cloudy McNoggin July 13, 2009, 7:58 PM

I’m not quite sure I understand this post. Are you worried about your daughter’s activities or questioning where oral sex fits in to the grand scheme of things?

Uh…oral sex has been going on for as long as mouths have been around. And if you’re viewing it as a ‘bonus’ or ‘extra credit’ perhaps you’re not the right person to speak to your daughter about the issue.

what a sad commentary as we set ourselves back 50 yrs... July 13, 2009, 9:53 PM

All these overly needy, martyr-like girls are doing, is perpetuating the stereotype of ‘boys needs are first and foremost, and girls are just body parts’. To hell w/ that!! These guys need to be educated from the get-go, that needs are both mutual, and ALWAYS better when shared. Too bad if they don’t get it right away - they will eventually. In the mean time, someone’s really asleep at the switch! We seem to be raising all these pathetic girls, who believe that all of their worth is sexual, and their pleasure is secondary, if not non-existent.

ohh no July 13, 2009, 11:27 PM

how about forget the excuses and teach your children that sex or sexual acts with “just anyone” is just plain a lack of disrespect for themselves!

momofgirlsandboys July 14, 2009, 2:39 AM

I work with troubled teen girls. It’s more common for them to start with oral sex rather than risk pregnancy. I have learned that the next step is anal sex, therefore not feeling like they lose their virginity because there hasn’t been vaginal penetration. A great deal of emotional ties are formed thru oral and anal sex and this is what needs to be taught to our children. Sex is sex whether pregnancy is possible or not. As parents it’s our responsibility to inform them of all the consiquences involved in an intimate relationship. Good luck and best wishes to all parents as we try to do the very best in assisting our kids to become responsible adults…


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