My Teen Says "Oral Sex" is the New "Sex"

 

How is this news? Teens have always been sexually active. This is no different. In my opinion, as long as two people are in an exclusive relationship and use protection, have at it. Oral sex is a lot of fun. I know that my boyfriend and I waited several years before having sex, but did tons of oral before moving on to sex. It was fun, intimate, and a great way to get to know each other’s body and how to please each other.

- Miss Reality

Posted 07/15/09 04:04 AM

 

 

I’m in my mid-50s. I have been aware of this “norm” for a number of years. Actually, I have NOT heard too much about this oral sex thing one way or the other for a while; I didn’t think it was news. Of course, as soon as it’s YOUR daughter who’s doing it, it’s news! I am amused when men in my age range hear about how common oral sex is, and has been recently, in high school. They ALWAYS say, “Oh, great! Where was this particular ‘norm’ when I was in high school?” I laugh along with them—“You were born too soon, oh well!” But the most important point to me is the framing of this “norm” as girls performing oral sex on boys. Several people who have posted comments have mentioned this. It really IS an interesting, and frustrating, turn of cultural events: when high-school sex includes something that replaces coitus as a “normal” activity, ends up being to a great extent all about what is being done to turn a girl into a semen receptacle. Of course, it was ever thus … that is, when the fear was that too many high school kids were having sexual intercourse too soon, the genital-in-genital dynamics of a boy and a girl having coitus partners obscured the likelihood that the teenagers shared an assumption that ensuring the boy’s pleasure was Job One. Now the “norm” has evolved to make mouth-genital contact the gold standard, and the matter is framed as girls doing stuff to boys. With all this oral sex going on, is the girl getting socialized into a belief that their task in sexual relations is to please a boy? And if that is what they are learning, how will they “unlearn” it in order to replace that belief with one that reminds them that sexual pleasure, particularly in the context of a loving relationship, is about mutual satisfaction (in the long term at least, if not necessarily each time a couple has sex)? I’m not too concerned about the fact that oral sex may be occurring more frequently among teens than in past decades; I don’t think of oral intercourse as anything sacred … if two partners of any age agree that oral sex is what they are going to do with one another, so be it. My main concern — as an old-school feminist, I guess you

- Cassandra

Posted 07/16/09 12:16 AM

 

 

WOW! This is really a HOT topic…. No matter what ‘Sex is beautiful & nice’ That’s why, God just had to create Eve for Adam !!! But-there’s the dos+donts & the Law… Well-I’ll always tell the kids; “It’s not wrong to have sex BUT just be careful. Sex is sex But being Pregnant is another thing!” Frankly-for us guys, it’s practically ‘nothing’ But a girl has to look after her name/family’s….. But, a responsible guy must also think & not ‘destroy’ the girl…. Just imagine (if U are a parent) & some guy ‘destroys’ yr daughter ?!! There are ‘pros+cons’ to everything… Use yr head & not yr heart ! Just be careful in anything we do AND, MOST OF ALL-BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS!!!

- Duncan

Posted 07/16/09 12:26 PM

 

 

This was the order it was done when I was in high school (I’m 37); first came oral sex and then MAYBE intercourse. My daughter is 17, and it’s the same way for kids now. I do know that many of us (girls my age) did demand that our guy return the favor. This is one situation where it’s not “better to give than to receive”!! LOL

- YellowMom

Posted 07/16/09 04:35 PM

 

 

Wow!!! You ladys are making me horny. I’m gonna get my wife to give me some head and i’m not giving her anything!

- Bob

Posted 07/18/09 05:32 PM

 

 

True, it’s very common. For teens giving guys head is no big deal. Oral sex comes before intercourse because it’s less complicated and less risky when it comes to pregnancy. It’s not disgusting, it won’t damage a girl’s self esteem, and it doesn’t mean the girl has no self-respect. Geeez, relax it’s just oral sex, it’s normal.

- Natalie

Posted 07/19/09 12:32 PM

 

 

You all need to calm the F down! These girls are going to have sex in at least 1 way/shape/or form. Would you rather it be vaginal or anal? Oral is safer than both of those. Perhaps the stupid feminist B-ch that wrote this should think more about her daughters needs overall than just “why isn’t she getting oral too!” I feel sorry for the guy that has to put up with her crap!

- bob

Posted 07/25/09 07:37 PM

 

 

More girls are becoming whores then ever because their parents read laughably wrong blogs like “Radical Mom” on this site, tell their kids everything’s ok and try to be their girlfriends.

- Sheri Urban

Posted 07/27/09 07:38 PM

 

 

Mom, At age 30, oral sex was common but not the “norm.” That being said, sex is way more common now than in the past and kids have way more access to bad information about sex via the internet. The key is to route the path of information in as positive a way as possible and to keep the path to dialogue open and not accusatory. Kids at that age will purposefully do the opposite of what parents direct so be careful. I agree with many comments, that there needs to be key info of the risk of STD and to talk about reciprocation. The truth is, she may not be “ready” for reciprocation .. Which means she may not realize that she may not be ready for the other way as well. The fact that your daughter is having the discussion with you so openly is a great sign, most parents are completely clueless about what teens are actually doing because teens won’t talk to them about that sort of thing. That is great.

- Remeadial

Posted 08/07/09 12:58 PM

 

 

some of these comments by concerned mothers just make me laugh. first of all, believe me when i say that there is NO shortage of guys that want to please girls. second of all … if these girls measure their self worth in this way, than the problems began long ago and within the home. everyone likes sex and for the well rounded person, it is an intimate experience however it is expressed. no where in the article did it say that a girl’s boyfriend wasn’t “returning the favor”. in my experience, most girls aren’t any good at it anyway and as a result for me, i’d personally much prefer to please a girl if i had to choose one or the other. the same time of course with lots of kissing in the middle is the most romantic.

- a respectful guy in his 30's

Posted 08/10/09 02:24 PM

 

 

some of these comments by concerned mothers just make me laugh. first of all, believe me when i say that there is NO shortage of guys that want to please girls. second of all … if these girls measure their self worth in this way, than the problems began long ago and within the home. everyone likes sex and for the well rounded person, it is an intimate experience however it is expressed. no where in the article did it say that a girl’s boyfriend wasn’t “returning the favor”. in my experience, most girls aren’t any good at it anyway and as a result for me, i’d personally much prefer to please a girl if i had to choose one or the other. the same time of course with lots of kissing in the middle is the most romantic.

- a respectful guy in his 30's

Posted 08/10/09 02:30 PM

 

 

“When did oral sex start to come BEFORE having sexual intercourse with a guy? ” Sooooo you like it after sex? You are a very dirty girl

- Anonymous

Posted 08/12/09 01:51 PM

 

 

Huh. What a funny discussion. Oral, anal, vaginal, hands, whatever… it’s all sex, and the question is, how do you feel about your 15, 16, or 17 year old daughter having it with boys of similar age? The details of how it is done seem kind of unimportant (other than avoiding pregnancy and disease) once you accept the proposition that your 16 year old is doing it If you are OK with teen sex then your concern should be with safety and contraception, not with what goes where. If you are not OK with the kinds of things that people do when they are sexually intimate then you should be working to make sure that your adolescent does not have the opportunity to be sexually intimate. A license to have orgasms and be naked with people of the opposite sex doesn’t come with special clauses for different parts of the body… but it may come with a requirements that latex and contraception be involved no matter what.

- zzz

Posted 08/14/09 04:47 PM

 

 

“Why are girls doing all of the “giving” and none of the “receiving”?” i’m glad someone finally pointed this out

- nikolas šveikauskas

Posted 08/17/09 08:50 PM

 

 

Don’t worry. She’ll stop everything when she gets married - quite like Mom.

- Megaman

Posted 09/16/09 12:31 AM

 

 

omg u ppl r crazy just let them do wat ever they want the consecuences will come later. im 15 and i know wats going on and im not dumb enough to let some guy use me. p.s. bob ur funny

- Anonymous

Posted 10/12/09 04:04 PM

 

 

the problem is that girls are expected to give oral and never receive it, thus asserting to themselves, their peers and their boyfriends that their satisfaction is worthless and that they are just sex objects. If they’re going to do it, they will no matter what you say. But at least enlighten her about the risks of disease and the stigma of never being the one being satisfied in a relationship. Even as a teen I never went down on someone with out them doing it to me. Fair is fair and I would not and will not be used. It’s more or less a self respect thing.

- NedNoD

Posted 10/19/09 12:35 PM

 

 

This isn’t new.

- Nope

Posted 11/02/09 01:57 PM

 

 

All of you old angry women need to shut up. High School boys will always try to get what they can from girls. This actually happened as often when you were in school too. I can tell, based on your attitudes, none of you were pretty enough to be involved though.

- James

Posted 11/07/09 01:21 PM

 

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