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Your Kids Are Interrupting My Beach Time!

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I understand you want to take your little tikes to the beach -- I'd get sick of having them in the house, too. But could you not sit near me, please?!

annoyed woman in the beach

Childless Bitch: It's summertime! The perfect time to work on my tan, get some much-needed rest from work -- hell, maybe even take a catnap on the beach. Oh, I just remembered. I tried to do that last weekend and your ill-mannered kids so rudely interrupted me with their screaming and kicking sand and throwing food, I couldn't catch a wink. I don't blame them -- I blame you. Next time you visit the beach, could you please follow these rules?

1. I picked my spot very carefully. Please, if you see a single woman sunbathing on the beach, do not set up your barn-sized tent right next to me.

2. Speaking of the tent, if you're going to bring one, why not just stay indoors? It took you two hours to set the thing up in the first place, and the kids don't even want to be inside of it anyway.

3. Okay, you are spending the day at the beach, so you don't need to bring food for an entire week. Your children will survive without the bottles of soda and supersize bags of Doritos. Maybe a small sandwich and some fruit would actually be healthier for them?! I'm by no means a parent, but just sayin'.

4. Why are you torturing your children by making them wear long T-shirts and wetsuits? Obviously the sun is harmful, but whatever happened to good ol' sunscreen? Like I said, maybe they should just stay inside and play video games or something.

5. When you scream at your child on the beach, EVERYONE can hear you. Quiet down your voice, pleaaaase!

6. When your kid runs past my spot to get his ice cream cone, please tell him not to run 6 inches from my head. There's something called sand on the beach -- and it has just flown into my $300 Gucci sunglasses.

7. Believe it or not, I like to cool off in the ocean just like you and your kids do. But do they have to yell EVERY time a wave comes? Tell them to relax -- it's just a wave, okay?

8. Your kid may be an all-star pitcher, but playing catch should be done AWAY from people. An accident is bound to happen, and let me tell you, you'll be sorry if it does.

9. You know those aluminum things called garbage cans? All of your empty bags and bottles are supposed to go inside of them. Having your kids pretend it's a basketball net and they can throw a ball like Kobe is hazardous to my health. First of all, I don't want to see all the crap you all have eaten, and I don't want to be hit in the head with an empty bottle of Dr. Pepper.

It'd be great if they had adult-only sections at the beach ... that would solve all of my problems. But in the meantime, the next time you go on your Family Fun Day, could you be considerate of me the same way I've tolerated you?

PS: Wearing your husband's T-shirt in the water does nothing to hide your "in desperate need of some exercise" body. Sorry ... you're better off wearing a bikini.

next: How Could George Clooney Cheat on Us?
33 comments so far | Post a comment now
dean July 30, 2009, 1:06 PM

I love this article! But didn’t we see the exact same one last summer? Are all of her articles recycled here?

jackie July 30, 2009, 1:31 PM

no it’s different and it’s SOOOOO FRIGGIN TRUE!!!!!!!!

As a mom I try to keep my kids under control because even I get annoyed with other people’s kids!

abbi July 30, 2009, 2:53 PM

ugh. i despise children of all forms.
children at the beach, children playing house, children trying to be “cool and grownup”, children dancing, children drawing. etc etc.
and all the mommymorons swooning over them so they think their babyish actions are nothing short of wonderful, then grow up to produce more self centered snivvly rats just like mommy.

just because you can push a little human out of your now well-stretched vag doesn’t mean you should.

Briellis July 30, 2009, 3:07 PM

Why is abbi on momlogic? I understand, hate kids all you want, but this is a parent-oriented website. I don’t like other people’s kids, but I try to keep the disdainful remarks to a minimum.

Monica July 30, 2009, 3:29 PM

Well, if you don’t like it you have three choices: Adult Only Nudist Beach, Tanning Salon or Stay Home. Its a public place. While I understand you don’t want sand in your face while tanning, you can not control the cheerful screams from playing children jumping the waves. That is why they came to the beach. If you don’t like children then don’t hang out in public places. You say the moms should stay home and let the kids play video games well, why don’t you stay home and tan in your own backyard. You probably should have anyway because you weren’t going to get in the water anyway. Why even come to the beach? You can buy a $9.99 CD at Target and hear all the wave you want while sitting in your own backyard free from sand and free from the sound of children enjoying themselves.

I am a Mom July 30, 2009, 4:03 PM

Seriously, what is it with Abbi…every comment she posts is nasty toward Mothers and kids. If you are NOT a mom then why do you come to a site called MOMLOGIC? Have you been booted from all the single girl site? Do they all dislike you there too? You really should ask yourself why you feel the need to be so nasty.

Pamala July 30, 2009, 4:21 PM

I’ve always found it hilarious when people want to try to police public areas. Want adult only time? Don’t go where kids will be. Pretty darn simple.

Kelley July 30, 2009, 4:54 PM

Personally I find it fun to people watch unruly kids. Its like watching Nanny 911 or something. Granted I do try to keep a safe distance lest I become a casualty of war.

stella July 30, 2009, 5:23 PM

First and foremost I am a mom and I love this lady.

No, I am not offended. No, I’m not going to wax poetically about how being a mom is tough and CB is shelfish. She’s not and being a mom is not tough. A full time job? Sure, but not difficult. People have been doing it for eons, our generation is not special and neither are our children (at least until they’ve grown up and done something worthwhile). Get over yourselves, grow a spine or at least learn some time management skills. I went to medical school, that, my dears, was difficult. I’ve come to realize that the mothers who seem to think motherhood is “hard” and “exhausting” are those that really didn’t have too much going on in their lives in the first place. They are also the ones who make their children the center of their lives. I’ll raise my hand and admit, mine are not. I have a life, I’m grounded, I have a happy husband and wonderful marriage which I put first - yes, before my children - and I’m raising children who will not be setup for disappointment later on in life when they are not the center of attention. That does not mean I love them any less.

CB reflects the sentiment of the general public and while the beach is a public place for all people, standard etiquette is needed. If I saw my children running too close or playing too close to another person, I’d tell them to stop. Sand can get all over other people, in eyes, etc. When did that become acceptable? The beach is a public place, not just a place for children. Grow a pair and discipline them.

Awesome. July 30, 2009, 5:28 PM

My parents raised me brother and I to be considerate of other people. If we played outside, we were never around other people, because we got freakin’ ROUGH with it. We understood that while it’s okay to be a kid and get loud and have fun, you probably shouldn’t do it really close to people who are trying to enjoy some quiet time. When we went some place public, like the beach, we left sunbathers alone. We, unlike a lot of kids, were taught that if you don’t like people disturbing your quiet time, why would you wreck someone else’s quiet time? So we hung out where other families with kids were and left the sunbathers and book-readers alone.

Common sense. We also threw our trash in the trash can. If we wanted to play catch or whatever, we used a ball or a frisbee, and my mom never fed us junk food. Picnics consisted of kid-friendly healthy food: sandwiches, fruit, water and fruit juice and maybe some chips. We were too busy playing to eat anyway.

it’s really not a lot to ask other mothers to teach their kids to be considerate.

anon July 30, 2009, 5:32 PM

Why would you spend 300 dollars on a friggen pair of sunglasses? I’m an adult and i’d kick sand in yur face to!
Though I agree, bad parents should be sent to an island with their monster kids so we perfect people aren’t bothered any more.

stella July 30, 2009, 5:37 PM

anon - who cares why she would spend that much on sunglasses? It’s her money. Why would you spend X amount of dollars on toys for your kid that they will grow out of? I mean, it’s all relative.

Zach July 30, 2009, 5:48 PM

Her point isn’t “I hate kids. They shouldn’t be allowed on the beach in my presence.” It’s a plea to parents to keep some control of your children in public (and to have some common sense besides).

To those of you telling her that it’s a public space and that the children deserve to be there as much as she does, heed your own words. You’re sharing the beach with other people. You wouldn’t want them kicking sand on YOU or letting their Frisbees fly YOUR way. Keep an eye on your children and make sure they avoid bothering your fellow beach-goers.

Most of the other points (the tent, the food, the long clothes) are just some nitpicky common sense things. These are somewhat common things about parenting choices she isn’t fond of.

Now mind you, I only got here from StumbleUpon, but I can’t understand why the REST of you are on this site if you DON’T want to be told how to raise your kids. Just a thought.

(And I know, I know, you probably object to her TONE, but don’t act like there aren’t things that people do that frustrate you. Let the woman vent. She has some decent points, and you should be able to look past the way in which she presented them to learn something. Just chill.)

deal with it July 31, 2009, 1:14 AM

wow, someone really needs to be sterilized soon. I don’t know who would so proudly point out that they spend 300 dollars on sunglasses except spoiled, self indulgent whiny b*tches who have nothing better to do than complain that her tan didn’t get even enough due to the bratty kids that were having fun at a PUBLIC beach. Everyone should keep in mind that kids are better off outdoors, rather than plopped in front of the t.v playing vidoe games. Another point I’d like to make is, why is she at the beach in the day time? You know what I think when I see women laying around the beach on a weekday when I have my kids rightfully getting all their pent up enery out? I think, “Why isn’t she at her job, and does she even have a job?” Don’t like being stereotyped? No one does. So don’t assume that just because “loud” kids are brats, or because you get sand kicked in your hair (boo hoo) that WE are the “bad” parent’s. More like you are an immature, childless, petty person. The beach is for everyone, brats and bi**hes alike. Let’s just deal with it or say something to the parents instead of hiding behind an article, shall we?

Mom of two July 31, 2009, 4:40 AM

I’m sorry but a dinner table is much different than a beach. My children are just that children. I’m sorry if you do not like kids but I will not tell my kids they may not run and play at a beach because someone may get annoyed. However, I do not sit close to others and do keep them away from other parties at the beach. I refuse to tell them not to laugh or run. My kids are well behaved, they can have their moments and they are dealt with. My kids have the right to enjoy their childhood, I’m sorry if your parents were only worried about themselves and did not give you the same opportunity. CB likes to point out how kids are so spoiled but I believe CB is spoiled and sounds like a teenager that thinks they are the only person in the world that matters. Grow up the world does not revolve around you.

dean July 31, 2009, 7:38 AM

Hey “deal with it”, leave the $300 glasses alone! You complain about it, but how much did you spend on your kids activities? Dolls? Birthdays and Christmas? All the other crap you felt obligated to buy them? Maybe her glasses were a gift? Hopefully someone will buy you a pair and you can chill. I like CB articles because she tells it like it is. And it is mommies getting on their high horses thinking everyone in the world thinks their little ones are so cute when they are out of control. Keep it coming CB!

Mother of 2 July 31, 2009, 10:25 AM

Dean, the price she paid for her glasses sounds like she is gloating over it since she mentioned the price. Do you see “deal with it” and others on here mention how much they spend on their kids? NO!! And I hope for her sake she never does have kids as they would have a horrible life being raised by someone who hates kids.

Another one July 31, 2009, 10:27 AM

Have you noticed all the so-called men that post on here. Talk about man-ginas. Probably mini-van drivers also. HAHA

Jade July 31, 2009, 12:46 PM

Any woman who would criticize another woman who is trying to hide her extra weight is a bottom feeder who obviously is unhappy with many parts of her life. Perhaps the blogger needs to stop criticizing everyone else and go see a therapist.

Anonymous July 31, 2009, 2:46 PM

ahahaha i love how people get so bent out of shape over an article. It must strike a chord !! I have a kid and I find her damn annoying at times. I love her to death, but come on get over yourself and your ‘perfect’ kids. They are loud, they are annoying, they are messy. Who cares atleast I have the balls to admit it.

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