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Your Kids Are Interrupting My Beach Time!

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I understand you want to take your little tikes to the beach -- I'd get sick of having them in the house, too. But could you not sit near me, please?!

annoyed woman in the beach

Childless Bitch: It's summertime! The perfect time to work on my tan, get some much-needed rest from work -- hell, maybe even take a catnap on the beach. Oh, I just remembered. I tried to do that last weekend and your ill-mannered kids so rudely interrupted me with their screaming and kicking sand and throwing food, I couldn't catch a wink. I don't blame them -- I blame you. Next time you visit the beach, could you please follow these rules?

1. I picked my spot very carefully. Please, if you see a single woman sunbathing on the beach, do not set up your barn-sized tent right next to me.

2. Speaking of the tent, if you're going to bring one, why not just stay indoors? It took you two hours to set the thing up in the first place, and the kids don't even want to be inside of it anyway.

3. Okay, you are spending the day at the beach, so you don't need to bring food for an entire week. Your children will survive without the bottles of soda and supersize bags of Doritos. Maybe a small sandwich and some fruit would actually be healthier for them?! I'm by no means a parent, but just sayin'.

4. Why are you torturing your children by making them wear long T-shirts and wetsuits? Obviously the sun is harmful, but whatever happened to good ol' sunscreen? Like I said, maybe they should just stay inside and play video games or something.

5. When you scream at your child on the beach, EVERYONE can hear you. Quiet down your voice, pleaaaase!

6. When your kid runs past my spot to get his ice cream cone, please tell him not to run 6 inches from my head. There's something called sand on the beach -- and it has just flown into my $300 Gucci sunglasses.

7. Believe it or not, I like to cool off in the ocean just like you and your kids do. But do they have to yell EVERY time a wave comes? Tell them to relax -- it's just a wave, okay?

8. Your kid may be an all-star pitcher, but playing catch should be done AWAY from people. An accident is bound to happen, and let me tell you, you'll be sorry if it does.

9. You know those aluminum things called garbage cans? All of your empty bags and bottles are supposed to go inside of them. Having your kids pretend it's a basketball net and they can throw a ball like Kobe is hazardous to my health. First of all, I don't want to see all the crap you all have eaten, and I don't want to be hit in the head with an empty bottle of Dr. Pepper.

It'd be great if they had adult-only sections at the beach ... that would solve all of my problems. But in the meantime, the next time you go on your Family Fun Day, could you be considerate of me the same way I've tolerated you?

PS: Wearing your husband's T-shirt in the water does nothing to hide your "in desperate need of some exercise" body. Sorry ... you're better off wearing a bikini.

next: How Could George Clooney Cheat on Us?
33 comments so far | Post a comment now
lisa July 31, 2009, 4:34 PM

Who CARES what she spends her money on?! Wouldn’t you if you didn’t have kids? Nothing wrong with looking fabulous.

CB doesn’t hate kids, she hates unruly ones. I don’t blame her.

Your kids need some serious etiquette.

Anonymous August 1, 2009, 10:16 AM

Can’t get mad at CB because most of the articles I’ve read from her are focused on unruly kids with parents who look the other way. The beach is a public space, yes, but just like I wouldn’t like sitting my family next to some young frisky teens making out/ feeling eachother up all day long.. I completely understand CB not wanting to be too close to kids who have no manners.
When we go beach, we try to sit near other families or at least with a wide distance from the “single lady/man tanning” AND EVEN MORE IMPORTANT, my girls have great manners which starts at home. Fun doesn’t have to be compromised by exhibiting courtesy!

deal with it again August 4, 2009, 11:05 AM

WHY oh why does C.B have to keep commenting on her own post? C.B, you need to get a real job instead of laying around the beach trying to look hot. You feel the need to bash mothers and their bodies, and that alone says that you probabaly only feel good about yourself when you put others down. Mothers bodies change, and as we get older it’s not so easy to maintain the same girly figure as we used to. Part of life, and you will one day see for yourself that kids are kids and will grow up, but catty girls with no kids like you really don’t deserve to have any spot on the beach to themself. In fact, I would laugh if my kids accidentally kicked sand in your hair, You might only give me the evil eye instead of growing a pair to tell it to me personally to “please have your cute kids not do that”. Grow up, please and leave the kids alone. I am sure you weren’t the perfect child,either so dont have expectations on others. In conclusion, I believe that you are preaching to the choir here, meaning that most parents that LET their darling little devils do such a thing, they are probably NOT the type to read articles like this.

Mrs Embers August 4, 2009, 11:41 AM

I definitely understand not wanting other people’s kids kicking sand in your face, and I make sure my kids aren’t bothering people when we’re out (though I’m not going to tell them not to have fun with the waves). I don’t understand, though, how someone wearing a shirt to cover up her body is ruining your day at the beach.

mercaties August 4, 2009, 9:59 PM


David August 7, 2009, 1:11 PM

Not only do I love CB’s blog posts, I love the array of reader comments that follow each of her posts. As I always write in my own comments on CB, you have to separate out the parts that are intended to be merely entertaining from the parts that are designed to be an expression of a childless person’s perspective on situations that “childed” adults may overlook. I am trying to think of a good argument IN FAVOR OF letting one’s kids generally run amok, seemingly unconstrained, at the beach … and I don’t mean shouting at the waves, that’s fine with me if a kid squeals/yelps/hollers at the shoreline … I’m talking about doing to the lives of strangers at the beach what Gen. Sherman did to Atlanta. The only beneficiaries of that kind of behavior are the kids themselves. I suggest that as with many situations, parents give their kids a few very specific guidelines for what counts as OK behavior at the beach … I’m not saying lay down a host of rules, just three or four principles. Catch ‘em doing something right (e.g., “I liked how you slowed down when you passed that grown-up lying on her towel”) and all the rest of the Parenting 101 tools that teach kids how to be human beings in social settings. I don’t care if your sunglasses are $3.00 or $300.00, no one wants to be in the vicinity of a kid who appears to be oblivious to others … let’s teach our kids how to be joyful and exuberant while also teaching them some situational awareness.

PlumbLucky September 8, 2009, 5:13 AM

I’ll take exception to numbers 4 & 7 (and abbi…but anyhow…) but the rest of this is a hoot and a good reminder to Moms that our children should have fun, but behave, and they ARE NOT mutually exclusive things!

My child loves water. It wouldn’t be a shriek of fear, it’d be a giggling one, but still. And well, I am a pale redhead. Ditto most of my family. I’ve had three cancerous moles removed at the age of 33. My son is as pale as I am…BUT, at the same time, he doesn’t seem to care about the shirt either.

Brigette September 11, 2009, 7:05 PM

This article is TOO funny!
I am a mother, I love my daugher but to be honest, I hate children.
I love spending the day at the beach with my daughter but my daughter has manners. I can not stand little hellians running around anywhere.
And I too would be pissed if someone got sand on my gorgeous expensive sunglasses !!!

Jessie October 2, 2009, 12:42 AM

I loved this post as it showed some considerations that i would like myself. I don’t see why people are getting so rude about this though, it is purely an opinion. And the awesome thing about opinions is that you don’t have to take it on board if you don’t want to.

I am not a mother, i am a single lady in her 20’s. I love the beach, but do not love having kids crash sand all over me and having to listen to the yelling. I rarely have the chance to go to the beach to relax, as i rarely have a day off to travel all the way to the beach. Why should my day be ruined when all it needs is distance to separate us. If i got there first, why should i move? As for the $300 sunnies, i have to spend that sort of money on sunglasses as i need to have pescriptions and much prefer to have a set of frames that are going to survive me rather than fall apart.
This is just my opinion, take it or leave it.

Anonymous December 22, 2009, 10:13 AM

Here’s an idea: The beach is a public place and you need to get over the fact that people take their kids to the beach.

Kids aren’t lifeless and you can’t just make them be perfect little un-enthused robots.

... May 5, 2010, 2:21 PM

@ abbi
if u hate kids sooooooooo much why are you on MOMLOGIC??
just 2 let u know
U are the stupidest piece of crap known to the world

20something May 26, 2010, 10:07 AM

As both a younger 20-something with a host of under-10 cousins and a former amusement park worker, I can kind of understand where CB is coming from.

I don’t hate kids, even though I don’t have any of my own, but it can be irritating when you want to go out to have a good time and there seems to be a host of worn-down parents turning a blind eye while their children run amok.

This isn’t condemning all parents, just those that don’t seem to get that not everyone wishes to experience the full bounties of their precious bundles. Case in point, my mother recently hosted a party where my cousin who has two daughters, age 1 and 3 and her friend, with children age 4 and 1 attended. My cousin’s friend spent most of the evening ignoring her children until the 4 year old almost pulled the top of a small, glass coffee table onto her own head. Afterwards, she remarked to my cousin that my mother who doesn’t have any grandchildren and lives in a house with her husband and two twenty-something daughters should have child-proofed the house in advance, even though the better point was should she have not been paying attention to her daughter more?

Anecdotes aside, not all us childless women hate babies but yeah, I do hate it when people are willing to let their kids charge around with no control or care for others around them. We get it, having babies is hard and no, I don’t expect your kids to be little well-trained robots, but could we at least attempt to teach them some respect for others around them? Do this for us and we’ll try not to complain too much if they track sand across our towels

Immobilier Bretagne March 7, 2011, 6:27 AM

There is noticeably a bundle to learn about this. I assume you made sure nice factors in features also.

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