Everyone loves playdates, but this mommy has to put her foot down in order to keep her bliss intact.

Kelly Pryce: Around the time your child hits preschool age, the playdate becomes a frequently used word in your vernacular. I am a big fan of the playdate. Studies have proven that they improve socialization skills and give children a view of how other people live. I mean, I think it's obvious Paris Hilton never had a good ol'-fashioned blue collar playdate -- well, unless you count the gardener she fooled around with in 8th grade.

OK, I know I am not fooling anyone. I love a playdate because my kid either goes away for two hours or has someone to amuse them at my house. Either way, a win for mommy! Don't get me wrong, I love my children, but then they started to gain their own little whining voices, likes, and dislikes. If I can sucker someone into taking them for two hours, I am in heaven -- literally.

Throughout the years, I have become the queen of the playdate, but there are some very serious rules that go along with these little adventures:

1. If your little angel still craps in his/her pants, you are always going to host.

2. If your kid's on your macrobiotic, raw, vegan diet, I am out! OR: If your kid's used to hanging out at Kraft services on a movie set, I am out! I am the mom that puts out a box of Cheez-Its and Capri Suns and tells you to stay outside. Those are your only options, kid. I don't cater.

3. If your kid has a sibling, they are not automatically a plus-one on the invitation. It's not a two-for-one deal at my house.

4. No marathon playdates. I have a three-hour limit. After that, you will find your little angel on your porch with a note pinned to his shirt telling you what my favorite wine is.

5. Reminder: This is a tit-for-tat situation. I take your kid, and then you take mine. This is not negotiable!

And this is the most important of all rules: 

6. If I invite your little darling to come play at my house, you're not invited as well. I don't want to entertain my own kid, let alone you. This is the reason your angel is coming over. I most certainly do not want you to cop a squat on my couch and tell me why your marriage is not as fun as you thought it would be, and ask what I have to drink around here. (The answer is always top-shelf tequila.) And wake up! Marriage is not fun at all. Now get your ass off my couch -- I have important things to do, like update my Facebook status.

By day Kelly Pryce is a reluctant single mother of two. At night she is one of the edgiest female comics working the comedy club circuit today. She has worn many hats in her career from morning radio show host to truck stop "waitress." She currently resides in Sacramento, CA. You can catch her on tour this fall with Dave Attell.