My husband often sends me to Home Depot during the week because I am so brutally unemployed. But because he sends me for "the thing that fits over the drain pipe; not plastic, kind of shaped like a triangle?" I dress well.
Lori Curley: The guys who work there and the guys who shop there are very helpful, but they like a certain style. Follow these rules and you too will come home with the right bit:
1. Do not look as if you need a shower. Do not run in from the garden with dirt on your knees, your hair all knotty, and sweaty. Your husband may find that look sexy, but the Home Depot regulars prefer a well-coiffed, freshly scented woman. If you doubt me, stop by after a visit to your favorite salon and watch how they fight to cut your 2 x 4.
2. If you have some tight-fitting jeans and you look good in them, go for it. Do not wear the ones with holes that your teenage daughter thinks are cool. I wore mine once and had to carry six 20-pound bags of mulch to my car when my cart tipped over. No one helped me because they figured a tough lady like me could handle it. Also, don't chew tobacco or spit.
3. Pocketbooks do not seem to impress these guys, so don't worry about its size or how it clashes with your shoes.
4. Shoes. Wear them instead of sneakers. Your general objective is to look like you would rather be at a cocktail party or drifting around your pool on that sofa float. Sandals and flip-flops are okay, but do not expose your toenails if they are nasty.
5. As for cleavage, my husband thinks it is very important, but I wouldn't listen to him because he is just a CPA who can't find the paint section.
6. Do not wear your welding helmet.
7. Leave your heavy-duty coveralls and McGuire-Nicholas suspension rig tool belt in the truck. These products send the wrong message. You want help, not respect.
8. Do not prance around on your adjustable drywall stilts either.
See you in the aisles!
|Lori Curley, champion mother of two middle-school teenagers, resides in South Orange, NJ. She holds a Masters in Education and has been teaching writing at the college level for 7 years. But can she find a job as a high school English teacher? Or will she pull her hair out first?|