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Jon Gosselin is NOT Having a Midlife Crisis!

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Jon Gosselin says he is not having a midlife crisis ... and this psychologist believes him.

jon gosselin and hailey glassman

Michelle Golland: Jon Gosselin is right -- he is a little young for a "midlife crisis," which usually falls between the ages of 40-60. I believe he is actually in a really late-onset adolescent rebellion. You see, he is acting out his rebellion against his wife/mommy, whom he never stood up to in the marriage. Now Jon can drink all the beer he wants, smoke, pierce his ears, and wear really unattractive clothes, and Kate can't shame or humiliate him out of this behavior.

In reality, the behavior that Jon is displaying is of course similar to the classic midlife crisis. This crisis time in a man or woman's life (yes, we do this too) is really a period of transition usually brought on by some other external crisis, such as the death of a parent, change in job, or kids going off to school. This transition time is when people take stock of where they are in life and make some needed changes to the way they live their life.

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These changes don't need to mean divorce or disintegration of the relationship. It may actually be a good time for each of you to look at your life and decide what you are doing that works, what is not working, and how you can go about improving or creating the life you truly want to live as individuals and as a couple.

At these big transition times, I think it is a good idea as a couple to sit down and do a 5-year individual plan and a 5-year couplehood plan. You each can list out the goals and desires you have for yourself and also as a couple. This may include such things as taking classes, seeing certain places, having another child, or learning to meditate.

Some people have a painful time with these transition states and may need to get some counseling to cope. If you or your partner are experiencing things that are listed below, you may want to consider getting some help.

• Unhappiness with things that used to bring you great joy.
• Boredom with people or things that used to be of interest to you.
• Feeling a need for adventure and change.
• Questioning big life choices from the past and having major regret.
• Confusion about who you are and where you are going.
• Feeling tied down and increased anger at your spouse.
• Being unable to make decisions.
• Doubt that you ever loved your spouse.
• A desire for a new and passionate intimate partner.

People with avoidant personality traits will most likely end up in divorce court during this stage of life because they have a deep fear of shame and rejection, and they avoid the conflict to the point that they don't want to work on themselves or their relationship at all. These men and women usually just walk away rather than face their problems directly. They don't want to try to work them out and find solutions. These individuals use the transition as their way out, but unless they do the personal work needed, they will find themselves in another relationship doing the same behaviors, which will in the end leave them still empty and still in crisis.

As a clinical psychologist, it is clear to me that Jon Gosselin did just that -- he avoided conflict with Kate at all costs. He also appears to suffer from feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. The men and women similar to Jon Gosselin fear getting overwhelmed by their emotions, so they simply shut down and become emotionally distant and often depressed. They believe the only solution is to leave. Let's just hope that Jon gets the counseling he needs to truly understand himself and what is motivating his late-onset adolescent rebellion, because after six months, I will have to label it chronic.

For signs YOUR husband is having a midlife crisis, click here.


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7 comments so far | Post a comment now
ame i. August 12, 2009, 6:51 PM

I think he had a Kate crisis.

Deanna McGee August 12, 2009, 10:56 PM

It amazes me how this whinny, immature man can gain so much sympathy. All we really know of Kate is what the media and TLC have shown of her, yet she is blamed for his issues. If he was that whipped than he has problems far beyond his relationship with Kate. So far, all I see is a man who is going for his second childhood trying to make up for lost time. Sadly, his children seem to be taking a HUGE backseat to young, female conquests.

deni August 12, 2009, 11:35 PM

Well now everything is perfectly clear.

It’s only an adolescent rebellion ………..of a 32 year old married man and father of 8.

No wonder Kate was *itchy, he must have been a big baby whiner all along.

Under the bus, Under the bus….Jon


Dani August 13, 2009, 2:09 AM

What is the big deal? Honestly people don’t work out. Not every marriage lasts forever. It would be nice if they did but the reality is they don’t. People grow apart. I think their choice to do the show brought this to a head earlier. I think Jon saw how he was being treated by kate on tv and maybe was getting slack for it by his friends (she really was an unecessary B*tch to him) and it was emasculating and humiliating to be spoken to that way. I think Kate treated him & her kids that way because she felt out of control and overwhelmed with all those kids AND the spotlight. She wanted to have the environment and actions all controlled and running smoothly and she would snap if it appeared to go a stray in the slightest bit. However they CHOSE to do this. The kids did not have a say and for that I feel bad. But honestly they were together young, neither really had much life experience and all of a sudden they have a ton of kids to care for and millions of people watching them do it. This was bound to happen. I don’t think Jon is wrong in wanting out but if he did cheat THAT IS WRONG. Things should be properly ended out of respect for your soon to be ex spouse and your kids. I just hope that they don’t use the kids as ways to hurt each other and I hope they decide to end the show and start focusing on whats REALLY important, building a new family dynamic that is positive and healthy because even in homes where parents divorce it still takes 2 parents to raise their kids!

HAHA! August 21, 2009, 10:34 AM

do your research mid life crisis in men may start as early as 30.

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