Just a Guy Farting

Saturday, August 22, 2009

filed under: bruce sallan

Bruce Sallan: OK, let's admit it. We guys tend to let loose with the occasional bodily "expression," and in the case of me and my boys, we really do enjoy a hearty burp or fart. In fact, we have a family tradition of saying "Ralph" when we burp. Try it sometime; you'll crack up.

This is another significant difference between men and women. Not only do we enjoy it; we validate each other for a "good one." While my wife was gone, caring for her mother recently, it allowed my boys and I to revert to our Neanderthal behaviors. You know, the stuff that comes "naturally."

We enjoyed and complimented each other on our flatulations. When we did a particularly resonant "Ralph," we gave each other a big "attaboy." What men/boys do among themselves is something that has been lost today.

The "Ralph" thing came from a group of my high school friends who used to go to a local burger joint. One of us, Marty Polacki, would drink a Coke via a straw, in record time (under 6 seconds). We'd wait patiently for the result. Finally, with great drama, he'd let loose with a magnificent "Ralph," and I've been mimicking it ever since, passing it on to the next generation of boys -- mine.

Men used to also get good things in their gender-based groups. They used to receive lessons about survival in tribes of old, but I feel other lessons about how to be a man, the proper way to treat women, honor, (yes HONOR) and other masculine ideals have lost their value and presence in today's world. While farting may not be missed by much of society, the rest is sorely lacking and hurts us all. But, what do I know? I'm just a guy (who farts occasionally).

Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys full time, now 12 and 15. His internationally syndicated column, A DAD'S POINT-OF-VIEW, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. To contact Bruce, visit his new website brucesallan.com.

filed under: bruce sallan

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29 comments so far | Post a comment now >>

farting/burping is impolite. even at home.

- Tabasco

Posted 08/22/09 08:53 AM

omg my dad and brothers do that ralph thing 2 hahahahahaha i hav 2 admit it is pretty funny but gross!

- shea

Posted 08/22/09 10:02 AM

oh come on, “Impolite, even at home”…. thank God i was raised in a fun loving family.. I am a wife and mother and in our home we have fun with our bodily “expression.” we do say excuse me after the fact unless we blame the dog..lol… but i must say it may be gross or impolite but its great to have some good old “stinky” laughs with ones family!!

- Kara

Posted 08/22/09 10:46 AM

oh and p.s. love the video (even thou the woman is over reacting).. ive had that happen to me a number of times but pay back is a …. well ya’ll know.. :D :D

- Kara

Posted 08/22/09 10:49 AM

people who find it funny and “masculine” at home, find it funny in public as well. and that is utterly disgusting.

- Tabasco

Posted 08/22/09 12:25 PM

The other night was just over the top. Yes, I’ll admit it’s fun at times but that night our two boys, the 3 dogs and I ran for the hills. If ya have to fart that badly go into the bathroom and have some consideration for others for pete’s sake, afterall you are SUPPOSEDLY an adult:-))))) Oops!!…did I actually say that???

- Loren

Posted 08/22/09 12:31 PM

As I sit on my bed watching this with my 12yr old son, no kidding he is farting and laughing. I have no clue as to why men and boys think farting is funny, but so be it.

- Wendi

Posted 08/22/09 01:16 PM

are very many men thrilled by women who fart? not accidentally, but on purpose and find it funny? to me farting/burping is on the same level as telling dirty jokes or cussing. For some it may be a “guy thing”, but it is rude.

- Tabasco

Posted 08/22/09 02:12 PM

Tabasco - Lighten up! I can’t believe you watched that video and didn’t laugh? Did you? I agree that it’s rude and, if it does happen “by accident” an “excuse me” is in order. But, boys are boys and some of this sort of stuff is healthy for us, among ourselves. You may like to read womens’ magazines which I find mind-numbing or go shopping which puts me to sleep. We are DIFFERENT and THAT is my exaggerated point by this blog. Like your name, spice up your life some, and have a good laugh. Don’t take it all so seriously. There are other blogs of mine that should motivate passion; not this one (in my opinion). We’ll see, at the end of the week, but this blog has generated more comments so far than any of my other ones, to date! I will take from that exactly this last point - that a good laugh about this sort of stuff is what we might need every once in a while!

- Bruce Sallan

Posted 08/22/09 02:24 PM

FARTING IS THE BEST!!! It comes natural from my dads side of the family. May the best fart win!

- Karrie

Posted 08/22/09 02:24 PM

that video cracked me up lol

- jenn k

Posted 08/22/09 05:00 PM

Fart back at your husband; that’s what I do

- HeeHee

Posted 08/22/09 05:16 PM

That video was GREAT, I loved when the cat and dog ran for the hills. I have a 9 year old son that puts grown men to shame with his stinky self. It is very stinky but funny

- JoAnna

Posted 08/22/09 07:08 PM

I’m completly amazed at how uptight some people are. Good lord it’s just a fart.

- mercaties

Posted 08/22/09 09:19 PM

I disagree with TABASCO. She’s on crack……

- Arnie, Logan, Shawnee

Posted 08/22/09 11:28 PM

Again i say that i found this blog pretty darn funny, and i too think that some people need to stop being so uptight… hint hint TABASCO…….

- Kara, (wife and mommy)

Posted 08/22/09 11:45 PM

I’m sure women have some of their own dirty little secrets, but you gave me a much needed belly laugh with this blog and the video. Thanks Bruce

- Jeff

Posted 08/22/09 11:57 PM

My favorite aunt used to bounce up and down when she farted so that it came out sounding like a machine gun LOL!

- Jenni

Posted 08/23/09 04:46 AM

As a former “member” of this elite high school group (albeit not the infamous “Ralphing” Marty), this brought back some amusing memories. Little did I know that I was building honor and learning survival. Thanks, it was fun to reminisce…

- Marty

Posted 08/23/09 11:54 AM

Belching and passing gas were more fun for me to do when I was under 15 than they are now, at over 56. But nonetheless, I still enjoy doing it as enthusiastically as possible. I do that, however, when I’m alone. I don’t think I’ve belched or passed gas for intentional public display (as opposed to unintentional or unavoidable) more than about, maybe, twenty times in forty years. I am not offended by it, certainly, after all, I’m a guy; but by the same token, I don’t personally find it particularly entertaining any more. That’s just me, however. If Bruce wants to have this kind of thing as an Olympic event in the privacy of his own home, that’s his business. I trust his judgement that he will teach his boys when it will and will not be appropriate to choose the “nuclear option” with their bodily functions. Hint to Bruce’s boys: No matter what you may think or hope, farting or belching entertainingly will LIKELY NOT tip the scales in your favor from the point of view of possible date or romantic partner (although I did write “likely,” not “never”).

- David

Posted 08/23/09 03:02 PM