Am I being selfish?
Bruce Sallan: My family continues to be the best petri dish for ideas for my blog. My wife, Loren, often comments to "correct" me and straighten the record. On a recent family trip to visit her parents, a couple of incidents occurred that raised the question of "who comes first" -- friends, the kids, her parents, or me?
At dinner with one of her friends, she seemed to cater to the dietary desires of their kid, who is a vegetarian. Every dish, it seemed, had to be cleared with him. Now, there were 5 others of us partaking in this Chinese meal, but it felt like the only one that mattered was that boy.
Second example happened at the gym. We brought my son, Loren's stepson, whom she adores and who adores her in return, thank G*d. As it turned out, he wasn't allowed into this gym due to an age limit. I wanted to work out a certain length of time, which she made me feel wasn't okay, since our son would have to wait (he had a book to read, as he always brings one and loves to read).
Am I being selfish? Sure, sometimes I know I am. But, who should come first? With her parents, I think it's clear it should be them. With our own family, I think it should be us, the adults, with the kids' interests and desires taken into consideration but not catered to, while, with friends, I think it should be a compromise of everyone's desires. Again, I wonder what is right, what is fair? I expect we'll hear from Loren, who'll give "her side of the story," only reinforcing that what do I know; I'm just a guy.
|Bruce Sallan gave up his showbiz career a decade ago to raise his two boys, full-time, now 13 and 16. His internationally syndicated column, A DAD'S POINT-OF-VIEW, is his take on the challenges of parenthood and male/female issues, both as a single dad and now, newly remarried, in a blended family. Join Bruce's A DAD'S POINT-OF-VIEW fan page at Facebook. To contact Bruce, visit his new website brucesallan.com.|