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Kate Gosselin's New Attitude

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Our first glimpse of Kate Plus 8 Minus Jon.

kate gosselin

Dr. Michelle Golland: It appears that Kate Gosselin is trying on a new attitude in the wake of her divorce from her husband, Jon. After watching Monday night's new episode, I was wondering what life would have been like in the Gosselin home had Kate been willing to try new things that she hadn't done before. She said, "I am not as ridiculous as I used to be" -- this was in regards to her controlling ways with the kids. I think Kate decreasing her anxiety and need for super control in her life is a positive step, for not only Kate, but also her kids.

The divorce has also brought in a new perspective for Kate. In thinking about the small things that used to annoy her so greatly -- for example, the kids' shoes not being in a certain place, or how to set a table correctly -- the divorce and the children coping with the absence of their father on their vacation seemed far more important than the trivial matters that would set her off before.

What we know about "control freaks" is that they truly feel chaotic inside, and therefore try to control as many things outside themselves as possible to hopefully create a sense of calm. What they quickly find out though is that this simply doesn't work, because the inside chaos is what truly must be dealt with to relieve the pressure that is being created. The divorce seems to have ushered in a new sense of calm and peace for Kate, possibly due to the fact that her worst fear, Jon leaving her, has actually occurred. She has discovered she actually can survive without him, and seems to be determined to change her anxiety-ridden ways.

I think Kate needs to adopt a new attitude about Ashley, the young lady who helps her with her children. In my therapy practice, I have worked with many moms who struggle with admitting that they need the help of a babysitter, nanny, or housekeeper. I have seen couples going down the road to divorce when what is at least partially needed is some relief and some help in their home.

Kate is the classic mother that wants to do it all by herself. Let's face it: there is not one mom who would fault Kate for wanting some help with her kids. But when she speaks about Ashley, she is so hesitant about her role. Kate also feels the need to list numerous concrete reasons why she needs Ashley, to justify her presence. Another new attitude shift for Kate would be to stop apologizing for wanting or needing help in her family's life. Simply own proudly the fact that she is wise enough to realize that her family is happier, healthier, and more peaceful with someone assisting her in their home.

At one point, Kate said something very telling and wise. She said, "I lost my ability to see the future, and now I am trying to live my life day by day, hour by hour, and sometimes minute by minute." I am happy to see Kate struggling to live in the present moment without trying to control so intensely her future, like she did in her marriage. I am hopeful that her relationship with her children is not headed for disaster like her relationship with their father so obviously was.

next: Annoyed and Unemployed
12 comments so far | Post a comment now
shea August 4, 2009, 1:32 PM

ouch that last line was uncalled 4 lol not untrue just a lil mean she has alot goin on i feel so bad 4 this poor woman she seems strong shell make it!

mollysmom August 4, 2009, 1:40 PM

that last line is very uncalled for. maybe she seems more at peace because her cheating husband is no longer in the house.

JoJo August 4, 2009, 2:14 PM

There was no need for the sharp dig given at the end of article…she obviously loves her children very much, and I believe truly tries to give them a happy childhood. It’s unfair to even remotely compare her relationship with Jon to her relationship with her children…nobody is perfect, but at least she is trying to learn from her mistakes…I give her credit for that.

Kevin August 4, 2009, 3:35 PM

I have to agree with JoJo- you can’t compare your relationship with your children on the same level as your relationship with your spouse. The needs and expectations one has of their spouse are completely different.
Kate’s attitude seems to have changed at least for now. The real test will be her post-divorce attitude. She seems to be a smart woman- she’s not popping up every week in the tabloids with a different man.
I hope it doesn’t happen, but I can see their divorce getting UGLY real quick.
Jon on the other hand, that guy has some real issues- and his activities over the past 6 months won’t help him if the divorce goes south.

Fab4fan5 August 4, 2009, 3:45 PM

still don’t feel sorry 4 her

D August 4, 2009, 3:50 PM

I think this “new found attitude” is being taken a little to far. She is trying new things and not being so controling because she has no choice. Jon is not there to ridicule or boss around anymore. It’s kind of hard to believe that Kate actually “wanted” to camp, and that this was all because of her wanting to “try things she never would have done before” when there was a addvertisment for COLMAN every other commercial!

Nicole August 4, 2009, 4:14 PM

I am rooting for Kate. I am happy that she is there for her kids…Jon should be ashamed of himself parading every other woman around. Life with children is day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute….planning is only a small portion of life, with kids anything can happen. She is trying…it will be interesting to see how “involved” JOn will be on his episodes. Im glad that Kate is turning her hurt into something productive for her kids.

Jill August 4, 2009, 4:26 PM

It’s true. Only time will tell how her relationship withe kid will turn out.

barb August 13, 2009, 1:39 PM

one comment was kate isn’t going to obsess about ‘how to set the table’ anymore. what the heck is so hard about paper plates and sippy cups for 5 year olds (can’t remember if the 8 year olds were allowed to grow out of them or not)

Anonymous August 15, 2009, 1:31 AM

The last sentence was completely uncalled for. While the rest of the article was uplifting, I was completely turned off by the last comment.

ann September 15, 2009, 7:20 PM

soooo sad. i used to watch the prgram, not anymore, for sure. two children trying to act like parents. the twins, i am not sure which one, is a drama queen, already. jon is a joke and kate is unreal. the show should be cancelled and let them work for a living to support the 8 children they brought into the world. they are using them now to make utter fools of themselves.

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