Do it for your kids' sake, says a leading psychologist.
Dr. Michelle Golland: Yesterday on the "Today" show, Kate Gosselin tearfully said she hadn't removed her wedding ring because she didn't want to hurt the children. She said they see it as "Mommy and Daddy's love ring." In dealing with children and divorce, I think one of the things that is key to kids' mental well being is to be direct, honest, and give them clarity whenever possible.
It seems quite clear that Jon and Kate are not on any path to reconcilation. Jon has professed his love for Hailey Glassman. Kate is on a new journey of trying to be more adventurous and less controlling. They each have clearly embarked on new and separate lives.
I believe that Kate wearing the ring makes the relationship status confusing for the children. It may give them a false sense of hope that their mommy and daddy will get back together. Children will look for any sign, any signal that the world that has now crumbled around them will again be whole, back to what was normal for them, back to their parents living under one roof and in love.
The pain of false hope around a reconciliation can be more damaging as time goes on. It may also seem strange to the kids that Jon does not wear his ring, but Kate chooses to do so. The children may interpret from this that their father is a "bad" guy not wanting to reconcile, while Kate gets to look like the "good one" in their eyes. The children will be watching their parents very closely and, if not given the age-appropriate truth, they will create their own story -- which, unfortunately for kids of divorce, usually involves self-blame.
I say: Kate, it is time to remove the ring. For your kids' sake.
|Dr. MIchelle Golland is a USC graduate and a licensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY#16974). She works with adults, teens and is an expert in the field of marriage and relationships. Dr. Golland has given her expert advice on CNN, HLN, MSNBC, ABC, and Fox news. She lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two wonderfully exhausting children.|