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A Mommy Mid-Life Crisis

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This week, I hate my closet, my butt and people at the grocery store.

a mom, looking at her butt thinking it's too big

Katie Wisdom Weinstein: I have a weekly mid-life crisis these days, and it feels strangely like the teenage tantrums I used to have. Maybe I am aging backwards? Watch out Benjamin Button!

This week, I hate my closet, my butt and people at the grocery store.

My closet is strangely filled with clothes I have no business wearing. It has become apparent that I love the fall and winter months, where layers are the thing. These flimsy-no-sleeved-gauzy numbers are the bane of my existence! My arms are kind of reminiscent of ol' Mrs. Foss in 6th grade. She would write on the chalkboard, a little violently, and her gobbly-wobbly upper-arm flobby would bounce back and forth. Yuck! Am I Mrs. Foss now? Note to self: more push-ups and less arm waving!

Don't get me started on my hind quarters. I feel like I could draw and dissect it and make a nice poster, like the days of old, when a cow would have that old diagram, telling you which parts of the cow were which cuts of meat. My butt is a cut of meat, right now. Not the lean yummy lamb kind, but the hearty, big ol' bull kind! I suppose this mid-life crisis does coincide with certain hormonal cycles. Note to self: more lunges and less mirrors!

Lastly, this week at the grocery store nearly killed me. I swear I feel the need to rescue every child being dragged by a half-interested parent. There were loads of kids being yelled at! Their tired parents whispered harsh threats and did a lot of arm pulling. And by the way, get out of my way! Let's try not to humiliate your child while I am looking for soup. Oh! I get it! These are the kids that grow up into those surly teens. You know, the ones you hear in the cold soda aisle, using naughty, nasty words ... the teens you listen to and cringe and wonder if you were really that scary sounding? Note to self: Be nicer to your kids!

I have decided that these mid-life crises are keeping me youthful, but without all the fun and party. I mean, who am I rebelling against? Myself. In the old days, I could really take it out on my parents. I was such a horrendous acting teenager that I deserve myself --right now. Of course I am opinionated! I may be judging others, but no worse than I judge myself!

Stay tuned for next week, when I figure out how to rope cute coworkers into playing Spin the Bottle and I try to steal money from my husband's wallet.

next: Study Finds People Who Multitask Often Bad At It
3 comments so far | Post a comment now
Amy Bloob August 25, 2009, 6:53 PM

I am so with you on the grocery store parents. Heck, they are everywhere. Sometimes I feel the need to glare at them just to show my disproval of how they treat their kids. But they are always too busy yelling and making more of a scene than their kids were in the first place.

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