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My Friend Ruined My Surprise Party!!

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Leslie Adler settles another dispute in this week's "Friendship Court." Check it out.

woman whispering to friend

Margo from Baltimore writes: If there was such a thing as a "friendship crime," this story would qualify. My husband and my sisters worked for three months, planning and coordinating a surprise 30th birthday party for me. I don't even believe people can be surprised, but I had no clue ... until a week before. That is when my alleged best friend of over ten years, Jessica, calls me and says, "I can't take it anymore. I can't believe you haven't caught on yet. Bob (my husband) and your sisters are planning this huge surprise party for you next Saturday and if I don't tell you, you will just show up at the place in the wrong clothes and without your hair being 'done' ... so surprise!" I was speechless. I hung up on Jessica and I have not spoken to her since. I acted surprised at my party but wouldn't even look at her. She came over to me and said "You look beautiful! See, I did you a favor!" The only favor I have in mind for Jessica is that she won't have to buy me a present for my 31st 'cause she won't be in my life then. Please tell me you agree.

Leslie Adler: Dear Margo: I too am speechless. I cannot imagine what Jessica was thinking. If your husband and sisters cared what your hair or makeup would look like at your 30th birthday party, they would have told you about a party, wouldn't they? All I can surmise is Jessica was jealous of your "surprise" or the efforts being put in on your behalf or that she is shallow ... and none of these are appealling choices. Be thankful for the people who love you enough to make your special events great and move on from those who try to sabotage them.

What would you do in this situation? Tell it to The Friendship Court!!


next: I Am Not Your Free Babysitter!
5 comments so far | Post a comment now
Just Sayin' August 21, 2009, 3:32 PM

I completely agree. That was WRONG of her to ruin it for you, and she did not have a good reason to do so. I’m sure the husband and sisters would have made darn sure she looked good for her party without ruining it for her.

Maybe Jessica was tweaked because she was not included in the plans so she wanted to get her ‘two cents’ in ahead of time.

Kelly August 21, 2009, 10:25 PM

My mother ruined the suprise for both my wedding and baby showers, yes my mother. With my wedding shower (I had no idea when it was) she warned me the day before so I ‘wouldn’t be late’ ( I am rarely late for anything). For my baby shower she called me a few weeks beforehand and started crying on the phone complaining that my mother-in-law was inviting too many people (she invited three more people than the amount my mother suggested to her, as I found out later on). She then proceded to tell me what restaurant it was going to be held in and that my mother -in-law was causing it to become to expensive. (My husband was witness to all of this.) Then she kept crying to me because one of my friends had not yet RSVP’d. I handed my husband the phone and walked out of the room. After all of the histrionics it came down to my husband having to cut three of his cousins off the list. All I can is that at least she CAN cut out her friend from her life. This is not a joke.

Hollie August 21, 2009, 10:37 PM

I agree…dump the friend. My “friend” ruined my engagement and I can never get that back. She told me every last detail before I could stop her. It’s a truly unforgivable offense.

g August 22, 2009, 8:29 PM

I think you are being way too harsh. Most people think everyone thinks just like them— and your friend thought that you would appreciate, as she would, not being totally surprised so that you could look your best. This may have been misguided, but all you can do in future is make sure people know that about you, that you love surprises (most people don’t). I think you should rise above it and be grateful that so many people want to make you happy, and want to do nice things for you and celebrate with you… and enjoy their company, which is after all the most important thing.

Ten Tees January 9, 2011, 9:23 AM

Interesting site! Nice and fun reading. I just have a thing to give about funny t-shirts.


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