Lori Curley: More desperate than ever, this week I shot out three letters seeking work never before performed. Wasn't there someone who said, "unemployment is the mother of invention," or was it the" root of all evil," the "reason I ate the cake"?

My first letter went to the VP of Human Resources at 7-Eleven. I offered to go from store to store fixing the handwritten signs and tutoring the employees in grammar. I gave some examples of signs that I have seen while getting Slurpees: "We cannot except Credit Cards for purchase under 10$. Thank You." And, "If your looking for work, please see the manger." Minor errors, I explained in my letter, but important to their corporate image.

Secondly, I petitioned our local high school, extolling the virtues of a "Writing Specialist." They already have reading specialists, and I don't see how you can have one without the other. I offered to read and correct every paper, every composition written by every student in the entire high school for $80,000 -- which is chicken feed in our district. The gym teachers make more playing dodge ball.

Thirdly, I sent a letter to the president of ETS, the company that makes the SAT. I offered to create a new test that will not take as long to administer and will be a more accurate measure of a student's ability to read and write.

Now I will wait by the phone ... hope they don't all call at once.

Lori Curley, champion mother of two middle-school teenagers, resides in South Orange, NJ. She holds a Masters in Education and has been teaching writing at the college level for 7 years. But can she find a job as a high school English teacher? Or will she pull her hair out first?