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No Carbs + No Beer = Mean Mommy

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Wanna know why skinny girls are so mean? It's not their personality; they're just hungry.

woman looking crazy

Katie Wisdom Weinstein: I am not thrilled to say that for my summer vacation (I do not really get a vacation), I am on a diet for the first time in my 41 years. Good God, chaos reigns supreme. See, I am the kind of girl who drinks beer, runs around with kids, makes chow for lots of people, and really appreciates the taste and texture that mayonnaise brings to any dish. I thought at one time that I wanted to die happy and fat, not skinny and mean.

I have a dress to fit into by October for a fancy shindig. Since I am no spring chicken, it takes a while for anything to go away on this body. I still run around with the kids, but my body is not reacting the way I need it to, and definitely not fast enough. So, I diet. I have cut out bread, carbs, alcohol (sort of), and sweets. I am now a bitch. While you lovingly eat ice cream and sandwiches, I eat salad. I might hate you a little bit. To really torture myself, I chose to do this in the summer, when cold beer goes down like butter. Remember summer concerts, picnics, and beer? A thing of my past.

My kids are confused by my increased passion for salads -- I think they want their "ice cream cones and candy all around!" mom back. They might be a little disturbed by my new puppy dog eyes. I should just get on the dining room floor and look at them like I have never eaten a meal, like our dog does. I could beg and do tricks for treats! Wait, how much fat is in one of those tasty puppy treats?

I even bore myself now. There is nothing worse than discussing non-fattening food. I can talk about starting a roux, or the most delicious pie until the cows come home, but trans fats and calories? Can it, Sister.

I have a new theory: some skinny girls are bitches because they are just really, really hungry. That's me. I am in detox from sugar and fat. I am jonesin' for a cupcake or a margarita, but instead I get low-fat string cheese, fruit, and water. Yay.

Now I have to really step up the exercise. I work full-time, so I could sneak it in at lunch. It is no secret that I do not love exercise for the sake of exercise. I love to dance, run around in the park, play, bike, swim, and wrestle. I do not love exercise clothes, sweaty gym equipment, or girls who can wear yoga half-shirts. I imagine that the second tier of bitch will soon come out. She is nasty, so I have to keep her under wraps. At least until this fancy-dress-shindig is over!

next: The Secret War Against Breastfeeding
9 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous August 26, 2009, 9:05 AM

Girl, I am feeling you!!! I just had to give in twice last week. (Can you say BLIZZARD.)After I ate it I was a calmer, happier individual. I felt a little guilt…but it was all worth it. I have lost 30 pounds since May, but I know that it would have been more if I didn’t cheat once and a while. So keep up the good work and dont’ stay down when you fall every now and then.

Bob Skilnik August 26, 2009, 9:29 AM

Pick up a copy of “Does My BUTT Look BIG In This BEER? Nutritional Values Of 2,000 Worldwide Beers” and choose a beer or two that meets your nutritional requirements without going overboard.

abbi August 26, 2009, 5:21 PM

Um, Skinny women aren’t grumpy because they’re skinny and hungry, look at you; fat and hungry and still grumpy!
I’m skinny and I don’t get grumpy because I’m hungry, I eat responsibly when my body needs me to, not when i WANT to.
What’s making you grumpy is the fact that you hold so much joy in fattening foods and an unhealthy lifestyle and your innerchild is coming out and doesn’t want to grow up.
It has nothing to do with being skinny/healthy and all to do with your willpower/willingness to whineabout lack of said willpower.

Monica August 26, 2009, 7:06 PM

Okay, Abbi took it a little personal. It really kills me how some people take things a little too seriously. In some ways her words are true. Many celebs who fight to stay thin admit that they are angry and hungry. They wish they could eat ice cream and donuts but they can’t. Lighten up girl!

Monica August 26, 2009, 7:07 PM

Or in other word Abbi, you are exhibit A. That was a snide remark. LOL.

alyssa August 26, 2009, 7:11 PM

dear abbi: you sound ridiculous and self- righteous. it may in fact be people like you that make women so hard on each other. i hope you are not really the person you come across to be as i am sure it would make everyone around you miserable…and btw i am not fat either.

Mousuke August 26, 2009, 10:25 PM

I am skinny (5’8” and 120lbs), but neither hungry nor angry. I enjoy exercising and eat well. I completely agree with Abbi and there’s nothing “bitchy” or “self-righteous” about it……truth is, that if you want to lose weight, you need to eat less and move more. It’s very simple. And there are plenty of healthy eating options beyond salad; how about baked sweet potatoes, fresh fruit, stuffed zucchini, grilled chicken and vegetables, salmon, hot soup, yogurt with berries……there are plenty of delicious healthy meal options all around you. And there’s nothing wrong with eating creamy cheeses and baked pastas as long as you keep your eye on portion sizes…eat one serving and dress the rest of your meal up with vegetables and fruits. Veggies do not have to be boring—bake them with rosemary, thyme, sea salt, etc. And instead of eating a fattening pastry or Blizzard for dessert, enjoy a good piece of chocolate, or split a small Blizzard with a friend……it really is NOT that hard to make healthy choices.

Mousuke August 26, 2009, 10:27 PM

P.S. Just to add, that if you are dieting but hungry, you are not eating the right foods. You need to eat food with high amounts of protein and fiber as these will help you stay full between meals. Eat protein with every meal (chicken, fish, eggs, almonds, peanut butter), and fiber can be found in whole grains and vegetables. When looking at protein bars, do not eat anything that contains less than 10g of protein, as anything less than that is basically a candy bar.

bean September 2, 2009, 2:06 PM

Is this conversation really happening? Elevate, people. Find the humor. Laugh a little.

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