10 Worst Moms in History

Joanna Kramer

This mother, played by Meryl Streep in the 1979 film, "Kramer vs. Kramer," represented all that was wrong with '70s moms. Meryl — icy, selfish, and beleaguered — bails on her family, only to return a year and a half later to take back her son and screw up the life he's finally put together with his pops, played by Dustin Hoffman. She wins little Billy back, but in the end, decides to ditch the kid for a second time. It was so harrowing, Billy got an Oscar nod. With her chunky leather boots, neck scarves, and patrician cheekbones, Joanna brought glamour to abandonment.

Mrs. Wolf Spider

A bad mother might not make her children lunch, but a worse mother might actually make her children lunch. What I mean is, a mama wolf spider is generally harmless, unless you happen to be her baby wolf spider. Once born, the babies congregate on their mother's stomach, ready to be fed. In some cases, however, they wind up being the mother's next meal instead. It's one thing if your mother just never "got" you, or resented you, or read your diary, or spent all of her time with your alcoholic stepfather, but it's another thing if she decided you were more delicious than adorable.

Marilu Henner

I feel a bit harsh putting this beloved actress on the list of worst moms. I mean, all she did was write the parenting book, "I Refuse to Raise a Brat," and plaster her two sons, Nicholas and Joseph, on the cover. Personally, I would hate to have my mother's literary career and overall cred depend on my ability to keep my sh*t together at the grocery store, at recess, at day care, and everywhere prying eyes were looking for signs that I was, in fact, a brat. Marilu also penned "Healthy Kids." Now these boys can't be chubby or bratty. Then again, as Marilu writes, "Children must learn that they can't always get their way."

Medea

This one is a gimme. Or more of a takey, as in, takey your own kids' lives. You gotta go mythological for a mother this venal. In Euripides' famous play based on the Greek myth, Jason leaves his wife, Medea, for a princess. Medea, in turn, butchers their two sons with a knife. Granted, it sucks to be left for a princess, but killing your kids for revenge means you will always make this list. And when someone like Susan Smith kills her kids, your name is going to come up until the end of time.

Naomi Judd

It's not her fault, but no matter how old she gets, Naomi Judd is hotter than her daughters. I file Naomi with Demi Moore under "painfully pretty moms," who can't help but cast a big, beautiful shadow over their daughters. And as we all know from Bette Midler, shadows are cold. Both of the Judd daughters are hugely successful, which should preclude Naomi from making this list. On the other hand, for all their talent, they always seem pretty bummed out.

Terrie Petrie

You may remember her from Dr. Baden's HBO documentary series, "Autopsy." This befuddled mom wrote to Dr. Baden for help. First, her eight-day-old daughter died of SIDS, and later, her three-month-old twins also died of SIDS. Only, they didn't, according to Dr. Baden. After a long investigation, the forensic pathologist concluded that Terrie, who was sleeping with her twins after going out for a few cocktails, managed to roll over on both children and smother them. Terrie was disappointed when she got the "cause of death" news, because she was kind of crossing her fingers for "genetic abnormality."

Kate Gosselin

Forget the usual stuff people hate about Kate, none of that lands her on this list. For me, it's the eight little plates of hummus and sliced apples, the matching outfits, the annoying attention to maternal detail. Kate just overmoms it. While most of the worst moms in history got there by under-momming it, Kate represents all of the women who make the rest of the moms feel inadequate and often raise entitled jerks. Overmoms grimly interview a slew of pediatricians, make their own organic baby food, and generally tackle motherhood with all of the unfettered joy of a prison chaplain.

Dr. Ruth

America desperately needed Dr. Ruth. And Dr. Ruth is a hero. I just don't know if I want my mom bluntly addressing G-spots, multiple orgasms, masturbation, premature ejaculation, proper condom usage, menstruation, or the dangers of rough anal sex. In a word: eeeewwww. I love that Dr. Ruth exists, but to be the child of the woman whose name is synonymous with “frank sex talk” must be kind of rough, not as rough as the anal sex she says can be risky, but rough.

Octomom

Creepy? Check. Attention seeking? Check. Dishonest, humiliating, and superbly insouciant about her children's well being? Check, check, and check. Octomom gets bonus bad-mom points for attracting the likes of fuchsia-lipped Gloria Allred, who scares children as much as she scares opposing counsel.

Joan Crawford

"No more wire hangers" is as famous an awful mom line as there is. Whether or not "Mommie Dearest" is totally factual, or just the way Joan's daughter, Christina, recalls her childhood, doesn't matter now, because Joan is the subject of a kitsch classic and is inextricably linked to the campiest maternal fit captured on film. The eyebrows, the image-obsession, the succession of boyfriends Christina had to call "uncle," and the daughter-annihilating, scenery-chewing meltdowns forever cement Joan in the collective consciousness as one of history's worst mothers.

Who did I miss? Real or fictional?