All day long I am bombarded.

Lori Curley: Standing in the bag yourself line at my local supermarket, not that I had any intention of putting myself in a bag, metaphorically or otherwise, I learned 367 ways to wear my hair to "that" special party, 657 great gift ideas, 324 ways to reduce my household clutter, 400 healthy snack ideas, 250 diet tips and 560 must see places this summer. Driving home with this information swirling in my temporal lobe, I killed two squirrels and my neighbor's underthrown New York Times, which made me realize how dangerous the information highway really is.

I was cast back to that eerie commercial of the little girl with the alien accent. I am pretty sure it was the mid-90s. She stood in the middle of the road dressed in some freaky hat and said "Welcome to the Information Highway." I don't remember what preceded or followed it, but I remember thinking, "Hey, little girl, get out of the street!"

My instincts were raw but correct. This highway of data is killing us. Studies show the increase in computer use is contributing to childhood obesity. I looked that up while eating a pop-em donut hole, but I also read six pop-ups that promise to reduce my bulging waist in seven weeks. I also noticed that most of the data is related to this ongoing battle between, not good and evil anymore, but ugly and not ugly.

All day long tiny little digital salesman knock on my email door to tell me about products to take away my wrinkles, my facial hair, my varicose veins, bad breath, crooked teeth, warts, athletes foot, body odor, itchy, toenail fungus, and straight, limp, frizzy, curly or unmanageable hair. They mean well, but I am overwhelmed. I can barely keep up with their claims and testimonials; I cannot imagine finding the time to cover my body in these creams. And how sticky would I be?

Lori Curley, champion mother of two middle-school teenagers, resides in South Orange, NJ. She holds a Masters in Education and has been teaching writing at the college level for 7 years. But can she find a job as a high school English teacher? Or will she pull her hair out first?