We know that many of you at momlogic are single moms. So, we'd love to know: how do you handle the inevitable "daddy" questions that your kids will raise?
Single Mom Seeking: If you're dealing with this, Dr. Leah Klungness, psychologist and author of "The Complete Single Mother," offers some tips:
Make sure you're ready to discuss the "dad topic" with your kids. If you're anxious or upset talking about their dad, kids will sense your discomfort. After all, kids take their cues from their parents on any subject.
Remember that having a single mother is normal -- whatever that means! There are more kids today living in single-parent and blended families than there are those who spend their entire upbringing in their biological parents' home. Your kids need to know this fact. Encourage your kids to understand early on that they fit in just as well as anybody else -- whatever their family background.
Don't change the subject -- or try to avoid listening to your kids. It's most important to allow your kids to express their thoughts and feelings freely. Kids get discouraged from expressing their feelings if we jump in too quickly with too much information or empty words of reassurance. Don't give more information than necessary. Try to listen more and talk less.
Keep your discussion age-appropriate. Don't forget that your explanations need first and foremost to be appropriate to your kids' developmental level. For example, a 4-year-old does not understand what commitment, trust, or intimacy means. The explanation that "Your father and I did not feel happy living together," rather than details about how Dad was never able to make a commitment to you, is more meaningful and comforting to a preschooler.
If you're a single mom, we'd love to hear your thoughts on this one. Thanks.
|Rachel Sarah, a.k.a. "Single Mom Seeking" blogs at SingleMomSeeking.com and co-founded SingleMommyHood.com, the first-ever website to offer "a whole new way to think about life."|