"I'm pregnant" is not an excuse to never call me back -- because you're not on drugs. You're just pregnant.
Childless Bitch: I'll admit, the number of my childless bitch comrades in crime took a swift hit this summer. Seems every other day I was getting the phone call, the announcement over dinner, or the murmur of another friend whispering about so-and-so who looks fat and isn't drinking. Is there something in the water, maybe something special mixed in with your Pinkberry? Because suddenly a whole bunch of you are knocked up. Or at least, that's what you've been telling me when you mysteriously miss our date to go on a hike and never call.
For some, your first trimester closely mimics the behavior of a typical junkie. Fatigue. Constant vomiting. Erratic behavior. Unexplained flakiness. And for some of you, pregnancy seems to be a valid excuse for everything you've ever wanted to get out of or not take responsibility for. I'm not the first one to make this observation -- the pregnancy excuse is the plot device that greenlights poorly made rom coms and sitcoms around the world. And I know you mommies and mommies-to-be are fully aware of this pregnancy excuse phenomenon. If I were pregnant, I would totally use it to get out of going to brunch with that annoying couple who wants to show you their new baby, because after all, nobody is going to argue with you being pregnant. Except me, maybe.
It's not that I don't have more sympathy for you pregnant ladies than I would for a junkie. I get it, your body is freaking the hell out -- stuff hurts -- things are growing into totally out-of-control proportions. I just don't think "I'm pregnant" qualifies as a decent excuse to never call me back -- because you're not on drugs. You're just pregnant.