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Hey Other Pregnant Ladies: Look My Way!

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Everyone is so nice to you when you're pregnant. Everyone, that is, except other pregnant women.

pregnant woman being ignore by other pregnant women

Teresa Strasser: Listen, expecting girls, all I want to do is talk to you, and find out how many weeks pregnant you are and maybe talk some shop -- you know, where you're delivering, what you take for heartburn, what you think of cord blood banking and the new iPhone app that times contractions. I just want to be friends, pregnant strangers.

I'm always hoping we're going to see each other and do a secret handshake, and have a moment.

However, it seems you gestational types aren't really feeling me.

At first, I wanted to assure you that I wasn't just carrying my weight in a very unfortunate manner, make sure you knew I was really pregnant rather than just someone who binged on raw oats and scones. I would rub my stomach in the gingerly way only pregnant women do, try to catch your eye, but no dice. To be honest, I've been a social disaster most of my life, so I'm not unfamiliar with the sensation of being snubbed -- I just can't figure out why this dismissal is so pronounced.

Honestly, if we ran into each other carrying the same Marc Jacobs bag, we would probably at least chuckle and say, "Nice purse." A richly hued and hilarious interaction it would not be, but a human connection, yes.

If I were walking a beagle and so were you, we would stop and have a chat. Arguably, an entire friendship could spring forth from this one shared characteristic. If we were both wearing Phillies hats, or driving Mini Coopers, or reading "Eat, Pray, Love" at The Coffee Bean, there would be a warm interaction, but both heading into childbirth (big deal) and motherhood (biggest deal ever) and nada. Nada?

Important point: this pregnant girl snubbing only pertains to complete strangers.

I have now made three new friends, simply because we are all pregnant at the same time. Hanging out with them feels both right and comfortable; I need those girls because I'm 35 weeks in, 45 pounds heavier, several cup sizes bigger, and 20 degrees hotter than I've ever been. Sometimes I'm euphoric and sometimes I'm lost. It's become a challenge to wipe myself. I have vivid dreams about epidurals and blinding surgical lights.

Pregnant ladies who walk right by me on the sidewalk and turn away like I'm about to make you sign a petition about saving marine life, I know you can relate.

So I can only imagine there is some sort of animal kingdom thing at play here.

Maybe this is insane, but it's almost like I represent a threat, another mother bear that might somehow compromise your safety or shrink your available resources. Is there something evolutionary going on, as in, that lady better not get more shelter, berries, attention, or protection from strong males in the tribe?

Alternatively, this could be endemic to the Hollywood area, where I live and write in various coffee shops and drop off dry cleaning and wander. I'm told the Midwest, the South, heck, even the Valley -- those are great places for pregnant bonding.

Or, both of these theories could be bogus. In the classic horror movie, "When a Stranger Calls," the most chilling scene is when cops tell the terrorized babysitter, "The call is coming from inside the house." There is a decent chance that this call is coming from inside my own haunted mind. Either I am unknowingly giving off a cold vibe that freaks out the women I'm trying to befriend, or I'm reading into this parade of pregnant girls some animosity that doesn't exist.

Like I said, my social skills have never been great.

Or maybe, with our giant bellies and off-kilter walks and vulnerable demeanors, we are used to being the center of attention, a spotlight we unconsciously despise sharing.

In any case, this could all be solved with an ice-breaking secret handshake. Or if that's too intimate, maybe we just throw up a sign, one finger per trimester, sideways, OG-style, and know for a sly, passing moment that we're in the same crew.

next: Prescription Pill Addiction: Who Is to Blame?
12 comments so far | Post a comment now
Anonymous September 1, 2009, 9:05 AM

Just wait until you’re bored out of your mind standing on a playground with other bored women. Most of them don’t talk either. Weird, huh?

ame i. September 1, 2009, 10:11 AM

Only 45 pounds heavier? Good for you ;)
I think other expectant moms talked to me out of sympathy,ha! I gained 60 pounds with my first daughter, 70 with the second. The weight came off relatively fast after both births, but I looked like a beached whale when pregnant.
Lets agree to blame hormones for the weight gain and the attitudes of some pregnant moms :)

abbi September 1, 2009, 12:52 PM

the only thing i can think of when i see pregnant moms is that the big bulge in their belly is going to be squeezed out of their vagina.

then i think about what a big, nasty, loose mess you’ll have down there while having to deal with a screaming, completely dependant child.

i don’t talk to pregnant women because it scares the crap out of me.

anonymouse September 1, 2009, 1:25 PM

when pregnant I do not talk to other pregnant women just because we’re both pregnant. I actually find it can be annoying to have a complete stranger asking me how my body has changed and what I’m doing about bodily functions and problems. Then there’s the women who start the formula vs breast milk debate. I get enough “advice” from people I know I don’t need it from strangers on the street. So they may not be snubbing you, they may just prefer their privacy like I do.

Tammy September 1, 2009, 3:40 PM

Abbi - how old are you? Grow up.

kris September 1, 2009, 3:57 PM

You know what I don’t really talk to strangers even if they are pregnant, but if approached I will be polite & talk to you. It never occured to me that other pregnant women would want to interact with me or feel snubbed when I don’t talk to them, so sorry if I ever made anyone feel bad. I always thought that noone would be so fascinated about being pregnant that they would want to talk about their growing bulge or even mine for that matter(I have two other boys with # three on the way), but hey you learn something new everyday. So maybe they are like me & just clueless.

jennifer September 1, 2009, 5:34 PM

being pregnant really brings out our most primitive selves- just wait till you start lactating….then you truly become an animal.

Anonymous September 1, 2009, 6:53 PM

just because you have something in common (pregnancy) doesn’t mean people want to be more approachable to you, with you or for you. I personally find it annoying and kinda creepy when random people come up to me and start “talking shop”. I am not pregnant but my example is this, I am a heavily tatooed woman. I get the ink for me. I don’t show it alot but there are days that some if it is exposed and suddenly people flock to me asking how many hours? did it hurt? what made me decide to get that one? Do I think they should get this one? What did I put on it to heal? Do I prefer neosporin or A+D ointment for after care? I am not interested in talking about the same thing over and over. I don’t care about their experience and they should not care about mine. I have enough friends in my life and not really looking for more at the moment…if there is an opening I will let you know people!

lilikindsli October 1, 2009, 3:21 AM

reEPTc I want to say - thank you for this!

Globals October 3, 2009, 3:33 AM

all good things

rosecityqueen November 9, 2009, 9:41 PM

I will be your pregnant buddy. I am 33 weeks, have gained 16 lbs and willing to bond with you. :)

Anonymous April 7, 2010, 5:06 PM

i am 39 week and in labor

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